About Me So I'm 22 years old and I've been watching porn since I was about 15. Only about a year ago did I realise that it had become a problem in my life that I needed to address. I've had quite a few girlfriends in my life, but recently I found one who has made me happier than I have ever been and this is something I need to do for her and for myself above all. The Problem I have suffered with weak erections during sex for a long time. This isn't a consistent problem, but I often find it very difficult to become horny or grow weary of sex after a while as I cannot get excited by the body of my partner. Sometimes I simply can't get an erection even went I want to have sex and as you can imagine, the effect this has on my life and my confidence is immeasurable. For a while I thought I might be gay or that something was seriously wrong with me medically, but when I heard about porn addiction, I knew I had been lying to myself. I have found it difficult to become naturally aroused by real women. During sex, I can only cum with lots of hard thrusting, probably a result of 'death-gripping' for years on end. When watching pornography I get an erection within moments and I don't even need to touch my penis to achieve this. My girlfriend is incredibly beautiful and has a body to die for, the problem is in my head and it's time to fix it. On top of all this, I'm incredibly depressed and go through stages of having next to no self confidence or any sense of self-worth. I often sit in my room for days on end alone without talking to any of my room mates or eating proper meals. I have tried abstaining before and even made it to a month once, I remember being happier and more confident than ever, but the last time I relapsed was on the 1st of September and I have decided that will truly be, the last time I relapse. The Solution I bookmarked NoFap, I unfollowed all of the girls on FaceBook that I found arousing/ post suggestive images. Anytime I do see something sexual on Facebook, I hide the post and unfollow whoever it came from. I unsubscribed from a lot of YouTube channels too, especially the attractive female ASMR artists because some of them can be really sensual. I'm going to take this seriously and I'm going to change my life, thank you for inspiring me with your success stories NoFap. I'm proud to finally have introduced myself to the community. Questions When abstaining from PMO, does sex & orgasm with my girlfriend count? I can't really give that up. Does anyone have any tips or has anyone had a similar experience to me?
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Hey mate, I can identify with a lot of the things you're saying - trouble orgasming, feeling uninterested in real sex. And like you, I had also relapsed a lot of times, and then recently had a moment where I decided this was the last time. And it has worked. I'm much more sexually engaged with my fiance, and have suddenly found myself able to orgasm with her, fairly easily (whereas before it was nearly impossible and really made me ashamed and question myself). So I want you to know that I did it, and you can do it too. I don't abstain from sex or orgasm with my fiance, because part of what I'm trying to achieve is to be able to really connect with her during sex. But what I have done is change my behaviour when having sex with her. I stopped trying to force myself to orgasm, and concentrated on trying to really feel her. I also stopped allowing myself to use fantasy and images of other people to push myself over the edge. I have stopped using masturbation during sex - the only pleasure I allow myself is what she gives me. And when I started all this, I thought it would take me ages to have an orgasm. But actually I had a truly natural orgasm with my fiance for the first time 9 days later. And actually I think that all that stuff (the masturbation and fantasy during sex) was getting in the way of my O, and what I should have focussed on was my fiance and I enjoying having sex together. You can read my journal here if you're interested - it starts with me feeling really grim because I've just realised how close I am to ruining our relationship and then very quickly it gets much better, as I cut out the porn and the porn thoughts. My tips are: Have a well thought out plan, and update this plan as things change Know your weaknesses and plan your life so that you manage them Talk honestly with your girlfriend, explain how damaging you've realised the problem is and ask for her help. She will find it hurtful, and you will find dealing with her pain difficult. But by getting her on your team, you've got the most important person with you. Explain that it absolutely isn't about her, talk about how long you've been doing it and how uncomfortable it makes you feel, say you want to change and become a better person and you want her help. Write a list of the reasons you're giving up: all the bad stuff that porn has done to you, all the bad things you fear porn could lead you to do, all the good stuff that will happen when you give up porn. Look at that list whenever you're feeling weak. I read a book called The Porn Trap by Wendy and Larry Maltz, which I highly recommend - it has got tonnes of strategies for coping. I also think just coming here regularly and getting involved in the forum is an incredibly useful way of keeping you focussed and committed. Good luck to you and if you want to ask me anything, please go ahead.
@iamafapstronaut Thank you so much for the reply and the encouraging words, I just woke up to this and it has put a big smile on my face. I'm going to take most of your advice, however I don't think I'm ready to share this with my girlfriend. She is moving away in about a week and we'll live 2 hours apart and both have fairly busy schedules, I don't want to add any more pressure to the relationship than what there is about to be. However I will be doing everything else you listed, thank you so much.
You're welcome I completely understand your rationale about telling your girlfriend - I've also done long distance, which is really hard, and upsetting them from a distance makes it so much harder! Good luck.
