Not really sure where else I should post this.. I'll start by saying that I need help desperately because I am so fucking done with this sick habit. With that said here's my story: I first saw porn at the age of 10, I was at my grandma's house along with my 2 cousins and it was around midnight, my grandparents were asleep. so I decided to go see my cousins in the other room being unable to sleep and all. I walked in and to their surprise they were a little freaked out changing the channel as fast as possible but relaxed once they knew it was me, and I asked them what they were doing. They both looked at each other then asked me if I wanted to see something. I said alright. Then just like that channel changed back to what they were originally watching, that's when I saw it. I remember being mesmerized, just into it. I could feel myself getting lost in it and from that moment I was hooked. Fast forward two years. I would regularly sleepover at my cousin's house because the his parents would have a party going on every week and all my other cousins would be there too. At the time the ipod touch was the cool thing to have and with my cousin having it, he let me borrow it for the night. Of course being as hooked as I was, I immediately looked for porn expecting the stuff you would see on tv. I was so wrong. This stuff was much more graphic then anything you would see on tv and I remember laying there in shock, seeing as to how much more graphic it was. I was up all night just looking at internet porn because the rush from it was that much more intense. And from that moment on, the internet would be my go to place. A couple months later, porn was a daily thing to watch and now with puberty, it caused my hormones to go in a rage. One night browsing the internet watching you know what, I noticed my shorts feeling wet and knew it wasn't piss so I checked it out. That's when I discovered it was semen and not to long later tried masturbating. then BAM I came for the first time, it felt like pure ecstasy. like porn I was hooked, pmoing 2-4 times a day. Around the same time too my so called "friends" introduced me to weed and to keep it short I would do nothing but smoke pmo repeat for 2 years straight then on and off the following years. So here I am 8 years later after my first encounter with porn; a high-school dropout, jobless, severely depressed, social anxiety through the roof, intellect of a rock, nothing to offer to the world, burden to family, no friends. My physical appearance doesn't get any better either; my hair is falling out (bald spots), acne all over, dark circles, crusty skin. I look like a fucking zombie I need help but don't know what to do, my addiction has got such a strong grip on me. And with my social anxiety I can't just ask for help I can hardly say one word sentences to people let alone a conversation. My family is unsupportive and they pretty much accepted me as a retard child at this point. I used to be a very social person now I got no friends and I'm alone all the time, so I got no one to talk too about this. I need help.
Hope for Good brother and take action...God will help you...read the stories here..These stories will definitely help you..visit www . knowledge for men. Com you will find there a great article.
That's tough, RyGuy, but you can do something about it. Have you had a look at the Your Brain on Porn site? It's an excellent way to understand what's going on with this addiction and how you can start to change. It's very brave to own up to this, even anonymously, so well done, and I'm sure your negative views of yourself aren't a true reflection of who you are or who you can be. You express yourself very well for starters. Well done on taking the first step. It's possible a lot of the bad things you talk about - anxiety, depression... - are in part caused by and almost certainly made worse by your porn use. (Do take them seriously though, and ask for some help if you can manage it - can you see a doctor or trusted friend about any of this?) You've got a great motivation. You should fucking hate porn, look what it's done to you, why would you want to watch that shit again? Use that anger at your addiction - but not as you as a whole person - as a motivator to change. This is going to be tough, but it's also very exciting - you have so much to gain! There's a very good post on another site (maybe someone has a link) that says something like, "get educated, be prepared", and that's helped me. Use YBoP, Gabe Deem, NoFap Academy and Sacred Sexuality Project on YouTube and find out what to expect and prepare for it. Ask for help here all you want - we're all in the same (or at least a similar) boat with this nonsense. You can do it, Ry! Have hope, friend, much better times await.
small steps lead to big ones bro..,,, start by achieving small goals like : going for a walk with a couple of friends - start some physical exercise - maybe see a therapist about your depression & anxiety. its the small things that lead to big ones take care
One day at a time... One hour at a time if u need to. Focus on beating the monster, understand its cravings its addictions... Its nonsense. Research and start a journal to document your progress and vent your anger, frustrations and positive progress... HOWEVER SMALL. Good luck
Welcome to the brotherhood @RyGuy! It's good to have you on board. Your story is a rough one, man. As the others said - research, educate yourself, and learn to love withdrawals. Good luck on your journey, man.
You don't get rid of bad habits, you replace them. Nothing is impossible. Get educated first and learn to love withdrawals. Withdrawals are blessings.. Shows progress. Gotta be comfortable being uncomfortable. And check out sites like ybop and reddit. Amazing stories from people like us who broke out of the chains.
It's all about choices, Bro. Porn is a choice. Fapping, is a choice. Weed is a choice. Everything else is a choice. You've seen where your choices have gotten you, so start making better ones--one at at time, one day at a time. Each better choice will give you courage to make the next one. Rome wasn't built in a day. It takes time, but starting is the most important part. I'd also strongly suggest God! I must say that you write exceptionally well for a high-school dropout.
Thanks guy for the feedback and suggestions, really appreciate it. I will definitely be looking more into this addiction and start with small steps. I find myself trying to do the 90 day challenge and becoming discouraged quick. Maybe taking it day by day is best
Ninety days seems impossible, but anybody can do just one day (or one more day). That's why one day at a time works best. When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself out-loud several times, "I will not masturbate today!" Make that a promise and mean it. Yes, you'll have desires and urges, but take them in stride. They will pass if you don't indulge them. Eventually, you'll learn to live with them and manage them without so much effort. Many men find that their motivation (in multiple areas of life) grows as they are off the dopamine.
Wow that sounds rough, I can't say I've ever failed a class or done drugs or stuff like that but like you I have made many mistakes as well. The thing is, your still young young and have time to change. Don't put alcohol or drugs into your life, go back to high school and live the life you fully deserve. Pmo is just a huge lie and should be considered nothing but a joke. Any way good luck man on your journey.
Glad to see that you are in the right place and taking a step to improving your life man. You just have to take it one day at a time and always believe that things can get better. They will get better with time and patience. Just keep at it and you'll be on the path to success. If you need any support feel free to message me or anyone else on the forums, we're all here to help you out. Wish you good luck and all the best on your journey!
@RyGuy, I have also been a porn addict for around 5 years. It all started with a nasty Magazine at age 12. I lost my chances of going to a National high school, Dropped out of Two different high schools, lost my girlfriend and so much more due to PMO. I am now going to a day school which makes me sick. I've tried to quit going to this school but my dad promised to take me to a Boarding school. Since I knew that PMO is the cause of all this, I've quited it for 4 and a half Months. Dont give up. You can reclaim your life and Be the man you were supposed to be. PMO is not an option.
