Hi . im new here . so i have considerably slowed down my fapping . to help me out , i looked up 'benefits of not masturbating.' most ( if not all ) the articles online , talk about the harm masturbation does to men . when i looked up 'benefits of not mastubating female.' i found a completely different story. most ( if not all ) the articles where pro-masturbation for women . this has left me very confused. i want to wank so bad right now . because i am having a hard time focusing on work . there is a piece of me that is saying ' well, the articles dealing with female masturbation say its good for my health and good for me in general ; its different with males .' at the same time, there is something in me that is compelling me to stop . i . i would like to mention i went thru a period of time ( 2002 - 2008 ) of being a sex addict. i was a stripper, promiscuous and masturbated all the time back then . this was also the time i was addicted to drugs. it went hand in hand . so i went to rehab from 2009 to 2011 . after i got sober, i began to have this fear of men . fear of having sex with men . i still had (have) my sex drive tho , and wanked frequently. every night before i sleep for sure ( almost all the pro female masturbation articles speak of this benefit of wanking ; that it is good sleep medicine). and when i feel the urge , especially when feeling stressed. i am able to orgasm with my fantasies alone . at the same time . a lot of my fantasies are about past sexual actions the years i was on drugs sex obsessed and generally f*cked up in the head . i have moved on to a large extent ; i have zero desire to take drugs again and am gainfully employed . but what lingers is my masturbation to fantasies of the sex i had in the past . i would like to move on completely . i try to have simpler fantasies but as i was really sexually depraved ; i fantasize about several sex acts i have done in the past ; simple fantasies don't get me off . i am not necessarily looking for a mate. i am scared for 2 reasons . 1) i'd have to hide my past and im not a very good liar . 2) even though i gave full consent ( even though i was high ) there were sex acts that were degrading and abusive . ¿ i guess i was a living porn movie ? i barely watch porn . i don't need to . so back to looking for a mate . i am not ready by no means . for whatever reason tho . there is something telling me to stop masturbating for a little while ( or for the rest of my life ). i feel this would be a huge part of my healing completely from those years. that i will be completely at ease around men and not be oversensitive to sexual cues ( i swear i can smell when a man is horny and it freaks me out to no end these days). i also am agoraphobic now , ever since i became sober. i work from home so its okay . its just something i have to accept as the consequences of my actions when i was on drugs. i leave the house as little as i can . and when i return i am often overwhelmed . anyways, that is my story . it would really help me if people (especially women) could share with me , why masturbating is bad for females . especially with all the pro-female masturbation articles online . even after reading all those pro - female masturbation articles, i will follow my intuition and abstain for a while . i decided to start yesterday on September 1 and see the effects for myself until at least January 1 . its September 2 today , and already i am 'withdrawing' it seems . cannot focus on work and this is no good. makes me want to rub one out and get back to work (which i frequently do at times and ¡ voila ! i get back to work ). this is very frustrating for me . I need more motivation . please share with me the harm of female masturbation . because there is only (pretty much ) pro - female masturbation articles online . Thank U Ahead of Time Clarity
I'm not a woman, so no offence about chiming in - thought I'd share a benefit I've noticed on the male end of the spectrum with doing this that might help. Before doing this - I would think about all the women I would meet, interact with with a sexual bent of some kind. Not that I wanted to have sex with most of them or anything - I've never been promiscuous - but with all this other garbage that wasn't really positive and helpful with going where I - maybe have always wanted to go - to have just nice, friendly, dare I say innocent relationships with women without all the thought garbage or whatever, dark cloud perception glasses I could never take off with it all. As I started doing this - things have been changing with all that! It's been really lifting - just all the sexual/negative overtones of reality and life/with my relationships with women. I started even noticing that - at least this friend I became friends with/acquainted with recently - that our relationship was based on a real kind of purity. I hate to use those words in a way because I'm not religious - but I started noticing her innocence as a human being - like really seeing it - and having fun/joking around. I think maybe we became friends because I was already nurturing my own innocence in myself by purging myself of my sexual baggage through this process - and so attracted my mirror. I think maybe stuff like this, other stuff too - it's stuff that's always been out of reach but I've so desperately wanted my whole life. Just to be human and be happy - and with women, that's a huge part of it too - without all the other garbage. So, maybe if you're thinking on doing this - and you can relate - this might really help you too. Mental sex is still mental sex - it might be like pulling the bandaid off while you're trying to heal - and maybe it's led you here because you're wanting to heal more than even the pull of your sex drive. I've been clean for a long time off drugs and alcohol. I don't know if you go to any groups? but I think they're safe (ish) places to heal emotionally while healing through this stuff - it really makes a big difference and really helps the process along by not staying by one's self and talking/connecting through conversations to others - even if it's awkward or weird. It's been helping me. I'm not good with being real social - so it's a huge challenge for me too, but has been worth it. With this - really quickly too! Like 30 days in - the world being a strange and wonderful, scary - but thank fucking god - "different" place. Whatever you decide to do - I hope you find the healing you're looking for. We're all people - it's good for us to be happy, find it and stuff, heal and everything. Be kids again.
Welcome Clarity! There are more men than women here, but there are a number of women here. I don't know if this comparison is apt, but for me, because my interest is toward other males, sometimes I feel a little outsiderish here; yet that's just a thing I bring with me; all my interactions here have been positive and helpful. I don't know if it's like that for you, as a woman, coming here with mostly men. But I think you'll find encouragement; and even though experiences are different, there are commonalities. As far as the harm of female masturbation -- I'm not sure how to answer you, because I don't know if my reasons will make any sense to you; and I am not sure it will work if others have to convince you. You have to be the one who is truly committed to a path. But here's my best shot. I believe that sex is meant for bringing two people together, and is about creating life. When we separate sex from these things, sure it's pleasurable, but it becomes distorted. With masturbation and porn, it is pretty far removed from what it is really about. There's no longer another person involved. Also, it seems to me that sex is all about giving, even sacrificing, to the other. Again, with porn and masturbation, there's nothing giving or generous about it; if another person is involved, it's as a product to consume. To the extent fantasy is about other people, it's still about me using/consuming those people, for my benefit. As far as masturbation taken just by itself, my question is, what is the deeper meaning of an act of solitary pleasure? Does it have any meaning? Of course, someone can say, well, taking a hot bath is also an "act of solitary pleasure"--is that something bad? And my answer would be that sex is unique. It goes to the heart of us, and is all about bringing two people together. So when we turn it into something about me, it's a gross distortion of what it's for. My belief is that that will have ripple effects through the whole person. If we turn our sexuality into something isolating, self-centered, that will affect our lives more broadly. And many of us have experienced that. As I said above, in the end, YOU must be convinced. I hope you keep coming back, and I hope you won't be shy about asking for help, or questions.
