https://subspla.sh/9fyhfwt This is a message from Tony evans that I am enjoying. He has a all that’s free ‘TONY EVANS SERMONS’…. I encourage all to downloaded and listen. The more we saturate our minds with the word of God the more our faith will grow to overcome Satan and his lying demons.
A bit more about me as requested... I'm in my late 30's, married with two kids. My first exposure to porn was my dad's "old school" methods - play boys hidden between his mattress and boxspring and VHS tapes he had locked in a box in the basement (for what it's worth, I did learn basic lockpicking from that experience). I'm pretty sure he knew I was sneaking at least the VHS tapes, maybe the magazines. He certainly wasn't the type to have "the talk" with me, either negative or positive. Not just porn but anything to do with sex. I bring it up because I think it had a lot to do with where I'm at today. I basically had my teenage friends, popular culture and timid public school sex-ed teachers to rely on to help form the basis of my understanding of sexuality. Not a great combination and I think the results are quietly playing out in my life now. I'd like to do better for my own kids, and I don't want to be a "do as I say, not as I do" type. Even though they won't know that I'm lying to them, I'll know, and I can't accept that. Although free online videos are my main source of material, I have gone back and forth with subscribing to and then cancelling cam sites as well as onlyfans (currently not subscribed to any, thankfully). It has unfortunately bled into the real world as I've visited strip clubs regularly for the past 8 or so years. At my worst I'll go once or twice a week. No AMP's yet but I've flirted with the idea and that really scares me. I want to stop myself before I venture into the realm of the illegal. I'm currently 3 days clean on all of these things. Not Earth shattering but I guess it's a start. As far as I'm aware, no one knows about all of this except me. I want to change all of this because, ultimately, I'm betraying my family multiple days a week. But from the outside I appear to be a guy who has his life together. I have a good job, a good marriage, a stable family. That is the problem. Everything is just "good". By pouring so much time and money into this habit I'm stealing potential greatness from myself, but more importantly, my wife and children. And at my age I'm quickly running out of time to give them the version of myself that they should have. I hope that you can all help me out of the rut I've been stuck in for over 20 years. And for my part I will help you if I can.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have been viewing for over 20 years as well. I feel you have made some important steps like admitting you have a problem and seeking out others to help you. I am here to support you and will be praying for you!
Thanks! I see you've got two days on me, I'll try to keep pace haha. Some day, I want to look back and say that I spent less than half of my life addicted to porn. I hope you can too.
Thanks for telling your story, I think revealing it to us already takes a bit of power over your mind. Some of the things you talk about made me relive my own moments of lust ... a part of me still yearns for them. But I understand that I lose a lot more than I win when I go into that mode. Thanks again for your sincerity and I hope this group will be of help to you!
We are so glad you joined, thank you for telling your story. It is good that your wife supports you in this fight, you will have an easier way. Welcome to the fight, victory and freedom await us.
Day 11: Checking in here. I'm feeling good right now, I'm solidly past the 7 day mark and I'm looking forward to the 14 day mark. I'm cautious not to become complacent and also I need to continue to avoid my habit of mindlessly browsing the internet. I've been posting in my journal regularly which I believe is helping me stay grounded in my goals and overall. I think I just need to get past this Saturday to complete my 14 day goal. I think I was having so much trouble for a while I'm just so glad to be past 10 days now. But there is so much further to go. I'm feeling good but I also don't want to get careless and make a mistake.
In just a few hours I will be to the 7 day mark! It has been a while since I have made it this far. Today I had some of the side effects like brain fog and GI issues. These are common for me and I was expecting them. In fact, I was waiting on them. I got through it and feel good now. What is new for me is this time I rarely think of PM. I think the difference between this time and the others is I know exactly what I want out of life and what I do not want. Therefore, I focus my attention not on the things I don't want but on the things I do want. Stay strong friends!
Way to go brother. Curious about brain fog? Is it referenced somewhere else on the site? I often wonder if the physical and mental issues that sometimes cause me to fail are actually side effects of attempted recovery. Seems to happen to others.
I think it has to do with dopamine. For me, my PM was so bad that I would spend hours at a time. All the while I was doing it, my body was producing large amounts of dopamine. A natural encounter with a woman would not be nearly that long so I believe I was greatly overloading my system. After a relapse, I would barely be able to sleep that night. I would have heart palpations and sweats all night. My last relapse was the absolute worst and led me to this site. I attribute the brain fog, GI issues, and sometimes shakes to the body wanting another fix. I think it is a side effect of attempted recovery because it is addiction we are dealing with. I was free from this for 15 months once and the brain does rewire and body stabilize. To relapse only starts the process over in my body. We just have to want freedom bad enough and fight through these side effects. Hopefully others will chime in on these side effects because I would like to learn more about them.
Welp I blew it already guys. Back to zero. I have a particular window and type of opportunity that I get on Wednesdays. I have been hitting it hard since I crashed back in August. I will probably journal about it when I have the chance. For now I am going to start planning on how to do better next Wednesday and prevent myself from spiraling before then. Stay strong everyone.
It is great that you have realized this pitfall and are working on ways to prevent this from happening again on Wednesdays. When we keep falling in the same pit, we have to take a different road. Keep fighting on!
I heard about brain fog here a long time ago. I feel like I used to experience it more. I may have made progress because I don't feel like it is as nearly as strong as it was before. The way I used to experience stronger brain fog was that without PMO after a few days it would become harder to think and focus on things overall. I believe it was my brain trying to get me to MO. It seems if I would give in to MO or PMO the "fog" would go away immediately and I'd be able to focus and think normally and clearly again. I wouldn't say the fog made me disabled, but my brain wasn't functioning optimally or even normally. It seems if you don't give into the brain fog and you don't MO or PMO, it will go away on it's own at some point. I believe for me it would show up more in the first two weeks of no PMO, but I don't remember ever experiencing it after the first two weeks. I don't know why but now I feel it's much weaker or I don't even experience it anymore. I may have pressed through it many times so it doesn't affect me as much. I don't know but I don't think I'm experiencing it nearly as much as I used to. Edit: Actually I take that back. For me it mostly showed up in the beginning but also I may have experienced another form of brain fog in later days, even 90+ days. This is all with no O, MO or PMO. I heard and it seemed to be true for me, that your brain is trying to get you to O, the easiest way it can. If nothing else works, our brains may try wet dreams and/or nocturnal emissions.
Day 7. I had some brain fog and a lot of lethargy today. I expected this and was prepared for it. This usually hits me between day 5-10 and this is usually when I relapse. I scaled my day down and focused on getting some rest. I also spent a lot of time on the forum today reading. I am confident these side effects will pass as my body heals.
