I relapsed now after 24 day PMO or MO free (I had 1 wet dream during this time). I fapped to transgendered person porn... but this time I can identify full myself with the male body....but the reason why I relapsed I don't know...maybe it was the scary thing that in these 24 days (expect 1-2 days) I thought I am gay....And day after day it didn't get better....And the most scary things that I had me whole day thinking about KISSING a man and be a relationship with it...maybe I discovered I am gay? But I know, in the past, I think these things disgusting, but now it seems to be natural....or could it be just another trick of my mind, and I should have wait more time to get better?
I relapsed today too after 77 days. Dont get discouraged and think of it as progress that you didnt pmo 24 out of the last 25 days. That is how i am approaching this. Make this your last relapse. I believe sometimes you have to experience failure before you can succeed. Heisenberg
And what was your reason to relapse? I wrote mine...bad HOCD thougths and I can't control them...now my mind is more calmer after it gets it's "dopamine rush" :/
I had urges building up the past couple of days...it was causing bad headaches\anxiety\blue balls...i just got out of my flatline and felt my libidio finally returning and i got too complacent..I also broke my routine of exercise and cold showers because i was ill for the past week which didnt help because i didnt have a way to release the built up energy. i hate to admit it but this morning i was desperate i started looking up escorts and actually made an appointment with one but i never went through with it instead i pmoed :/ im not sure which was worst...trying to get an escort or pmo after 77 days. its over now and im moving on...i might start looking into seeing a therapist that specializes in porn addiction or join one of those SAA meetings. Anything that will get me over this addiction. I'm also feeling calmer now and the urges are gone which is the one positive to this. Good luck to you! Heisenberg
I'm seeing a therapist. I'm glad I did. We're talking less about the urges and more about my life and why I need an escape. What do I get from porn I.E. How finding the new, the exotic, the "rare" images brings excitement. Like winning at gambling or finding treasure. I'm sure everyones experience is different. At times I would I would be awake hours after I wanted to go to bed. I felt that I found something great then the last few hours wouldn't have been wasted.
kriss93, I had a similar thing when I was doing NoFap, this happened after a couple of weeks. It could just be testosterone buildup or mind games, just look to your heart and whatever you truly believe, say you'll stick with it no matter what comes into your mind. Stay Strong Brother!
I know that quitting was very difficult for me. I had depression. I cannot say I was suicidal, but life became uninteresting for me at points. I will say that I feel sorry for anyone trying to figure out their sexuality during the reboot. Understand that what porn you trigger on has very little to do with your actual sexuality. Porn is not sex. We do not watch porn for any where near the same reason we have sex. Never forget porn and sex are radically different and have nothing to do with each other. Porn is isolating and solitary. Sex...well it takes two. The reason you watch porn, whatever porn you have come to watch, is to get a dopamine high. Many here escalate through the categories seeking new, different, and shocking porn, having desensitized to the milder categories. Most start with vanilla porn, porn that somewhat resembles what they think is their normal sexuality, and, over years, many make their way to more extreme categories, having desensitized to the less extreme. That is one of the dangers, the side effects, of full on porn induced dopamine addiction, the constant search for the never-seen-before-scene. It is not just seeing a sexual image, it is "searching" for a new, unseen, even shocking, sexual image that results in a dopamine high. You went 24 days. That is better than many and what I call a great attempt. But...you need to get to at least 90 days. Then, if you have done it right, you will be in a much better position to ask the question: "Who am I?" I don't think anyone addicted and using porn can honestly ask that question because that question has nothing to do with your porn consumption, it has to do with something the active user has very little experience with--reality. You need to get clean first, then ask the question. Don't ask the question while you are using because the places the addiction will take us while using have nothing to do with where we may or may not want to in real life.
