I just recently made the most crushing decision of my entire life. I acted out on a fetish in real life after years of stress. I realized this is not the way and theres a better way to live. Its too late now. Im traumatized by the experience. Its been a week and ive been a total wreck the entire time. I cant even think about a normal life. I cant even worry about common struggles. I just want a clear wiped concious. Im haunted every hour of the day. I cant even handle this amount of pressure. I see no reason to continue. I find no purpose or resolve. Im in pure AGONY. I need help and advice. Im screaming out for help on the inside. I feel like a broken child. My soul feels like its in the fetal position aching. Im traumatized. Ive never faced anything like this before, i dont know how to handle it. Im SO sad. Please someone help.
There is a very similar post out there. I will give the link here if I find it. Either you can try to change or continue to disgust yourself with similar acts in future. Go hard mode brother.
There are people out there who can help, and are non-judgemental, with whom you can talk, and work through your feelings. There are anonymous phone counselling services, or perhaps finding a good counsellor might be an option. The moderators on this site could help you with numbers for your area if required. You do not feel like it now, but you can grow and learn from this experience and become resilient around it, and be a better person for it. best of luck.
I have no desire to do it again. Just the worthlessness i feel from doing it in the first place is psychologically damaging me. Its because i did it in real life and not just watch pornography.
Hopefully one day ill be able to live with myself. The amount of distain i have for what i did makes me feel worthless as a person. Thats the part i dont know how to get rid of. I know i should feel guilt, but what im feeling is beyond that. Im vilifying myself and abhoring myself,when i see people regret and feel shame for smaller things it intensifies this feeling of being the most vile freak ever. My head keepings turning and its like im constantly sick of myself. I dont know at this point..
You don't need to carry the burden all alone. If there is someone you can share it with ( a covid safe situation is best ) it will help . We can be very good at giving ourselves a hard time about mistakes we make, unfortunately .Remember to be gentle on yourself whatever.
Whenever I feel this way, I make sure to talk about it. If I don't have anyone, I write it down. Don't be too hard on yourself.
