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Let's talk about... Perfectionism.

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by BigBadWolf_27, Mar 6, 2021.

  1. Mar 6, 2021 #1
    BigBadWolf_27

    BigBadWolf_27 Fapstronaut

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    Hello.
    I wanted to talk a little about influence of perfectionism on self-recovery process from PMO cycle. I was struggling with that a lot since I discovered NoFap and lost hundreds of streaks because of that. My main problem was (and in some way still is) that I developed extreme sense of orderliness and perfectionism. For example, I felt genuinely bad starting new streak on just random day, I was often waiting for the first day of each month, or a day that would be special in some way, like my birthday. Besides of that, starting from that new day, I was trying to order it as perfectly as possible, planning certain activities and I felt bad when doing nothing productive, because it was sign for me that my recovery process is not good enough, and I'm doing it wrong. So the answer from my brain was simple - You need to relapse.
    Our main goal should be staying away from porn, masturbation and orgasm. Everything else should be just a bonus. It's impossible to stay perfect and get through reboot process without even a little fall along the way. And our brain will always find an excuse to grab us back into dopamine rushing activities. Maybe it will be that new game, still laying on shelf, waiting to be played... Maybe it will be that new season of TV series, waiting to be binge-watched during one night... Or maybe it will be just that hard urge to fap. I know that maybe for most of you it will sound weird, but I'm sure that some people out there keep struggling with self-improvement because of that inner sense. You don't have to be perfect to start, treat it like an proccess of constant learning and growing. Neverending proccess. It's not about living like an artificial intelligence for ninety days. There will never be a perfect time to start, waiting for a good day for that is not a good attitude. The results will come, without failures there is no learning... So stay imperfected.
     
    BigBadWolf_27, Mar 6, 2021
    BigBadWolf_27, Mar 6, 2021
    #1
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  2. Mar 6, 2021 #2
    Baerle

    Baerle Fapstronaut

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    Yes, there is no shame in failure. I have learned a lot about my perfectionism in the past few years. One important point I discovered that I want to add is that there is no shame in mediocrity. Not reaching an optimum should not discourage us from keeping on :)
     
    Baerle, Mar 6, 2021
    Baerle, Mar 6, 2021
    #2
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  3. Mar 7, 2021 #3
    The Archangel

    The Archangel Fapstronaut

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    I can relate 100%. Has to be a good day like Tuesday (day of the god of war), not a lame day like Friday (day of some feminine ass goddess). Has to be a perfect date and time like 21:00, 21/2/2021, not something completely random or unlucky (like the number 13). There's a lot more to it but I'll leave it at that. I've only now just started to let go of this stupid superstitious approach. Whenever I get the urge to relapse for the sake of perfection and order, I just remind myself that I relapsed on my most perfect looking start times just like any other streak.
     
    The Archangel, Mar 7, 2021
    The Archangel, Mar 7, 2021
    #3
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  4. Mar 7, 2021 #4
    Fallacious D

    Fallacious D Fapstronaut
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    Yes, I do the exact same thing. I force myself to relapse on days that aren't going well, so I can start fresh the next day. But if the next day has a rough start (I wake up late, get distracted in the morning, etc.), I will consider the entire day wasted and just binge and relapse again. If things don't go perfectly, I lose all motivation to continue. I would describe myself as a "neurotic perfectionist." I have very irrational attitudes toward success and failure, and I create nonsensical and overly strict rules about how things should be done, especially with rebooting. I also struggle with anxiety, and I believe these two things play into each other.
     
    Fallacious D, Mar 7, 2021
    Fallacious D, Mar 7, 2021
    #4
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  5. Mar 7, 2021 #5
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    I also have some perfectionist tendencies myself, I can also relate to this I used to feel like a complete failure every day. I felt like NoFap had to be scheduled in order to prevent relapsing (example 11:00 am one hour one hour before the afternoon also any day excluding Sunday). I felt terrible relapsing on a day like Sunday (The day I intended to get closer to god). I felt that relapsing on Sunday was heresy so if I couldn't control my urges I would be determined to relapse any day except Sunday. However this was a terrible idea as I happened to relapse on Saturday (which sucks because it is the day after Friday and I would like the weekend to focus on recreational activities and not worry about this type of stuff). However this is a punishment I had brought on myself because I am too motivated to complete the 45 day challenge (I failed last month but I refuse to give up). I also feel like an effeminate beta-male every time I relapse. So I will make sure that I will not relapse until at least after I beat the 45 day challenge [hopefully I can go longer].
     
    Deleted Account, Mar 7, 2021
    Deleted Account, Mar 7, 2021
    #5
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