I’ve noticed one consistent feeling gives me the most problems. I have a job I absolutely hate! I mean hate!! I often feel like nothing. I feel under appreciated. I feel like everyone dumps work on me. It’s on really bad days that I have get the urge to look at porn or a webcam. It’s like a self esteem issue. When mine is low, i look at porn. I try to figure out what porn does though. Is it a sense of control? Do I feel some weird affection? Is it just the high of the experience? I just got off a webcam and feel awful but during, I felt a weird feeling of “screw that job!” Anybody understand what I’m talking about? I’m not sure I do. Lol!
Hey there! I recommend starting to build a career in an industry you're passionate about on the side while you're working your day job. Once you get enough experience and work in this passionate area, you can slowly make the switch.
My area is pretty depressed. Not many options. I need to move. I just started this thread because when I feel decent, when I’m at the gym, painting, whatever, my mind is clear and totally opposite of how I feel watching porn. When I’m doing something like that, my attitude is dark. Angry. Usually I’ve had a bad day at work. When I’m feeling “right” I have no interest in the stuff.
I understand how you feel. My urge to view porn and masturbate goes up inversely to my mood as well. And work stress can definitely be part of that. For example, I didn't get everything done I needed to do today. I know I have an even busier day at work tomorrow. I know the right thing to do is to go to bed, get a good night's sleep and tackle all I have to do tomorrow fresh. Instead I am up late, on here, trying not to go looking for porn, with a sick feeling I will end up on porn sites anyway. I think porn "helps" me deal with stress and bad feelings by 1) just distracting me and helping me forget what is making feel bad and 2) triggering good feelings in my brain while I masturbate. What helps me in reality is 1) just tackling the thing I am trying to avoid and 2) remembering that whatever good feelings I get out of masturbating will be swamped by the bad feelings that hit after I orgasm and come back to reality.
I always say it’s like my “alcohol”. I don’t drink but porn & masturbation is like my beer or whatever. It just makes me numb but then I’m disgusted afterward.
Hey Man! Your definitely on to something... I would highly suggest you look at a thing called "primal scarring" and how its tied to addiction. According to this theory during childhood something didn't go right. Essentially when you feel emotional discomfort you are drawn to self sooth. And when self soothing makes you feel better it only does so temporarily. Leading you feeling worse than before. This is Addiction, without primal scarring you would not have connected the hit of dopamine with the negative emotions. One thing that i did to help my addiction was to connect to my inner child. Whenever he feels bad or wants to withdraw i give him some empathy and i feel better. Note: This also helps anytime you get nervous. If your "child" can be ok with feeling anxious, Anxiety will never hold you back. Let me know if there is any way i can help you on your journey!
