Scared of having sex - Please help!

First of all, try to calm down. Recognize that it's not the end of the world, you just had a bad experience a few years ago (an experience MANY men have nowadays) and you're anxious. It's alright to be anxious, just don't let it control you. Take some deep breaths.

Now, you're 19, it's not at all necessary for you to be having sex regularly at your age. Your concern seems to be that you feel compelled to have sex but are worried about poor performance. It's this compulsion that is feeding your anxiety. Don't worry about having sex, it's not at all necessary, especially when you are in such an anxious state. You could not have sex for the next 10 years and there would be nothing wrong with it, you wouldn't die, you would be fine, and no one would judge you for it. Don't jump into anything recklessly.

It's clear that you're dealing with deep insecurities, which is fine, but my advice would be to try to focus on yourself before looking externally - focus on achieving your goals, whether that be in education, the workforce, exercise, etc. This success will bring about a natural confidence that will ease your anxiety and feelings of insecurity about yourself, helping to solve the underlying problem. As to being Bi, I wouldn't put any stake in those feelings. MANY, MANY people on these forums have reported that their sexuality has become confused due to porn, it's almost 100% certain that these feelings are the result of porn perverting your sexuality and confusing it, that's what porn does. You stare at male penises for thousands of hours, naturally your heterosexuality may become confused. Again, don't worry, these feelings are temporary and they will go away if you can break your pattern of porn use. When those thoughts come up, recognize that they're not a part of you, they're alien, the result of porn, allow them to leave naturally. In addition, these urges to go to a brothel are also a desperate idea, many of these prostitutes carry STDs, and are coerced into prostitution by pimps and lack of economic opportunity. Is that how you want your first proper experience with a woman to be? Of course not, your mind is just in an anxious state and giving you these ideas.

Now, as to more practical advice, obviously staying on nofap will help you with sexual performance, along with that supplementing with moderate doses of Zinc and the amino acid L-Arginine can help significantly with erections. Try to go to the gym for intense exercise several times a week, and some cardio alongside will also help to boost your natural testosterone levels.

Just remember that you'll be fine, focus on self improvement and then look externally, with no expectations, with an emphasis on romance and love as the basis of the relationship and not just getting off with a woman and I know you can find a good woman and have a good experience. We're all going to make it.

 

You're very welcome my friend.

 

Hey Luke.

Can you ellaborate a little more on poor performance?

 

No one (well 99.999%) of people are bad at sex at 16/17. Anyone who claims they perform well with their first partner at 16 after only a few times is a liar.

I would avoid brothels, the money/time is not worth it, plus the shame of having to lie about it later in life.

As for being bi, that's something for you to explore yourself, but having performance anxiety is different than being bi.

As for your anxiety, a woman who loves you won't be disappointed. Be honest about your fear, most likely she has fears and anxiety too. If you can't be honest with a girl, then find professional help and be honest with them.

 

Yeah, like others said don't act out with a guy. You most likely arent bi. I reckon those feelings are your low self esteem trying to attack you. If you acted out I can promise youd feel disgusted with yourself afterwards and those memories of what you did would haunt you for your entire life (unless of course the idea of sexual fluidity is something that you are naturally positive about).

 

This problem is often associated with PMO. Stop PMO and go to the gym. Your confidence will come back and your ED will dissapear. Be strong.