30 days - anti-success story

Yo! In a couple hours I'll be 30 days in. This is my anti-success story!

I have had 5 wet dreams in this period. 4 of them have been sexual in nature. I feel like shit after every one, and once I start feeling better again, I get another one about 4-5 days after the last. I do everything in my power to prevent them - don't eat / drink before bed, sleep in a cold room, sleep on my side, no spicy food, reverse kegels (tried kegels for a while too, but this seemed to increase the frequency).

This feels like a never ending drag on my life, and there is literally nothing I can do to stop it. My only hope is that these go away after some time. It seems that my subconscious is craving porn which manifests it in my dreams, but if I go a long time without viewing it, perhaps those memories will fade and my brain will stop fucking me (literally) with sexual dreams.

Anyways, it's not all COMPLETELY bad. I feel like shit, but this is the longest I've ever gone without edging. I haven't drank or done nicotine / other drugs in 30 days (wasn't a big drug user to begin with, but would occasionally drink heavily on weekends). I have run / lifted every day and meditated at least 40 mins per day for the last 30.

If ANYONE has any experience with frequent wet dreams going away, please do tell, I will be less depressed about this if I know that there is an end in sight and that I'm not stuck in this recurring shitty mood from wet dreams that I can't control, when I know that I could feel like a king if they just went away.

Not interested in the "wet dreams aren't a relapse" comments, they make me feel really crappy and low energy, so whether you consider them a relapse or not is irrelevant to my situation.

Ahhh sorry for the negativity here, I am just really upset that I know what I need to do to be happy but my subconscious prevents it in my sleep.

Hope everyone else is killing it on their paths. and PLEASE let me know if you've had a cessation or at least a reduction in wet dreams on a long streak.

 

Thanks so much for the kind words. I know that you're right, just somewhat scared that they wont subside, even though they likely will. Just super frustrated right now haha. Best of luck to you as well good sir!