Skeptical newbie

I am sorry for the "catch" comment. I'm not in the right mind right now. I hope you can understand. You don't have to take advice from me, but don't treat me like I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm not normally like this. I just feel irritable from some of my own issues. I never meant to say that. I hope you can forgive me. I've never said something so mean to someone on here unless I was deliberately attacked.

I took offense somehow and I'm sorry. Good luck with your reboot buddy.

 

Alone and bored. It's amazing to me how much stupid stuff I get into when I'm alone and bored.

Which for me could be the all of the hours away from work. It's amazing I'm not a full blown alcoholic. I think once you figure out your Mondays and Fridays, you'll be well into passing your 6 weeks. Just a gut feeling, because obviously I can't remember when I went 6 weeks without fapping.

 

@go to eleven, @stipa31, @DKR

I don't believe @Sun Bro meant any harm. Keeping secrets in a relationship, lying, deceiving, and hiding things almost completely destroyed our relationship, which is why he and I have very passionate beliefs on the matter. Ask most of the men and women on these forums who are in a relationship and they will tell you that it's best to keep your partner in the loop. Those who have spoken up are not trying to tell you what to do, or butt in to your life whatsoever. It's simply very widely known here that, although porn addiction has run many relationships into the ground, the lying and secrets exacerbated the pain greatly. I am sure if you told your partner (any of you), she would definitely be hurt but the sooner she knows, the sooner you both can work on yourselves together and experience an expression of love far greater than your current situation would allow.

I can tell you all love your ladies very much and only want to protect them, to "prove" yourselves worthy before letting them in. I know it is hard. It took a lot of courage and pent up frustration from Sun Bro to finally come clean to me. It was the best decision he could have made, because now we are working on our addictions, communication, and honesty much more than we ever would have. Think of it as an extra incentive. You can draw all the support you need from the forums to complete your goals, yet having your partner right there by your side is a wonderful feeling. There is nothing to gain from being loved as an illusion of the man you truly are.

Good luck to you guys, and stay strong.

 

My husband got tested and was seeing a therapist for ADHD. When he gave up porn and video games ALL his symptoms went away. I am not saying it is a cure for ADHD of course, but I think some of the symptoms associated with ADHD can also be associated with dopamine response issues. Hopefully in your case it helps.

I also told my husband to stop masturbating and he said he would but didn't on a few occassions. I knew deep down that he didn't because nothing improved for us sexually. I then took the "don't ask, don't tell approach" until I hit my rock bottom in 2013 and had been living in a near sexless relationship for 10 yrs. all this to say that she might know you are still fapping but for mental sanity is pretending to not know.

Anyway whichever route you choose to go, we are here to lend you support on your journey. All the best

 

I don't have any problems with differing opinions or debates at all. It was his jumping to personal attacks on me and my wife. neither of whom he knows. Sorry but when someone say's a thing about my wife like, 'must be quite a catch' I tend to get offended. I don't want to talk to anyone like that, I put him on ignore and moved on.

My original point to the OP was just that all our situations while a lot alike are unique like our differing personalities. Whether he is morally right or wrong not telling his wife I don't know it's not my call, but he can quit on his own.
I'm just saying to him no matter how you do it, good luck.

My wife does know now if it matters. I don't think I've ever lied to her in my life.
She didn't care I watched porn so it wasn't an issue. For whatever reason when I go for self improvement whether it be quit smoking, lose weight I never tell anyone in the beginning. For me it makes it much harder.


Now my wife and I are both just pretty amazed at how bad this stuff can mess a person up. I have and had no guilt and it still swallowed me. Porn seems to be evil no matter what your life style. So no I wasn't here to debate. No matter what porn=evil and we can probably all agree on that.

Actually I've told my 23 year old daughter too just how bad this all is and what it does to men. I felt is was something she had to know, all women need to know as well as the content that is out there. Society has a huge liberal attitude of 'it's just porn or the way men are' and that's a serious part of the problem.

any ways I'm sorry about all this and sorry to the OP I played part in this getting so derailed. I had no original intent of making it about me and I'm leaving the thread now.
Good luck to all of us, no matter our situation
let's leave porn behind forever