I Keep Screwing Up--Need Some Advice From More Experienced Guys

I don't have a long streak but I have some advice that you can use.

When I binged and failed I felt sad, annoyed and lost. I couldn't even go 1 day without porn, I kept blaming myself and being frustrated because of it.

Self Blaming does not work.

You have inherent worth and even without the streak, your desire to be free is much more rewarding than most men of our time.

If I had to summarize my rise from the binge I would use one word - DISCIPLINE

The first 1-7 days you have to be on your best. Try your 100% to quit this habit.
Here's how you can do it. Before you actually open up your tabs and put in the website's URL, there is a silver lining in your thoughts, you relapse because somewhere consciously you give yourself permission to do so, you have to catch hold of that Critical Moment where you give yourself permission to fire up your browser to type the URL, go to instagram and scroll through models i.e. do something that you deep down know that it can cause you to relapse on PMO, and in that moment you populate your mind with good thoughts, here's an example -

Situation - you have started to fantasize and think about the body parts of women and you wanna watch some P**n and bliss out

Your Rational Reaction -
I know that I want to watch P**n right now and relapse, in fact I would actually feel good for only 3 seconds. I am in this for the long haul, I hate instant gratification and P**n makes me feel, I hate how less energetic and a shitty person I become when I relapse. I love staying clean and I love women not because of their body parts but because they are human just like me and they deserve to be treated with respect. Moreover, the women in P**n just do it for the money, they don't give a shit about me, I'd much rather cultivate an actual relationship in real life and love women authentically than jacking off to moving pixels on a screen. I don't care about the momentary bliss and I don't care about the pain I'm feeling right now to prevent this relapse, I know this is for my best interests and I know that P**n does only harm and no good.


Your thought patterns arise because of repetition, you've repeatedly consciously or unconsciously molded your brain to think about women in the wrong way and P**n in a good way. By repeating this you can program this into your unconscious, then this behavior would be automatic, then you would've quit p**n. Good luck on your reboot! and update on this thread about your progress.

 

really friend,you are a life saviour...am going through the same situation here...your view about women is wonderful. from now on whenever i feel the urge to relapse am gonna think like you just told.... won't let some moving pixels on a screen define who i am...never......

 

I'm on a 65 day streak, not super long for sure but a record for me by 30 days.

Here's the top 3 things I would recommend to deal with urges:
1. Cold Showers
2. 20 pushups
3. Keeping a journal that reminds you of how bad you felt after a relapse.

After small things like this, the rest comes down to being in public as much as possible, having a regimented schedule so you aren't laying around surfing the web, and constantly hanging out with people so you can't be PMO'ing. After that, it takes practice and time. I am definitely still a huge rookie compared to some of the guys on here and by no means do I have this figured out. At all. Never be overconfident, that happened to me on my past two 35 day streaks and I wasn't ready when urges hit. However, discipline over time can make your streaks longer and longer. I started trying to make it to a week, then 10 days, then 20 days (this one took a while), then 35 days twice, then 65 + now. Just take one day at a time. Also, don't do what I did between streaks (which is binge relapse 3-4 times in a few hours on the relapse day.) If you slip up get back on the horse immediately, start your new counter on NoFap, be productive, and get back on your purpose. I know it sucks when you relapse, but believe me, the days start to accumulate and soon enough things will get better. Just focus on building yourself as a man one day at a time. Keep us updated here and best of luck to you mate!

 

Note: you never "figure it out" you just get better. I started struggling to make it a week but over time you learn shit to make it happen. These forums are very helpful. I would also recommend reading "Can't Hurt Me" by David Goggins. Great book. I don't want to say there's a key to "figuring it out," because it honestly just takes dedication and discipline one hour at a time. I have faith your gonna do this tho, you're doing better than most guys by simply trying to make a change. Just take it a day at a time. I don't even want to tell you what to do, because I'm learning stuff myself. I could go 500 days hard mode and then relapse if I get complacent. So don't get complacent, think of how bad you want this every morning and write it down in a journal. Then write a list of the stuff you need to do that day and get grinding. If you need a break, fine, put up the technology and read a book or go for a walk. Or facetime a friend. The goal of NoFap is to make your life and time so valuable that PMO can simply not even fit into your busy schedule. If you need to write "eat lunch" into your schedule to stay disciplined and regimented, so be it. The key is especially from 2-6 pm to pack your schedule. I have found myself watching youtube during this time frame in the past few weeks, and lemme say, don't do it bro. The urges are strong at this time in the day, you feel bored and somewhat tired. Everything is setting you up to relapse. Go for a run, play an instrument, hang with a girl during this time. But please, I am saying this for you and me and everyone, whether your streak is 1 hour or 5 years, do not allow PMO into your life. Fill your life with so much positivity and goodness that relapse isn't even possible. The only way to relapse is if you look at stuff or touch yourself. Plain and simple. WE ARE IN CONTROL. WE HAVE POWER OVER THIS. THE BENEFITS OUTWEIGH THE URGES. WE WILL WIN THIS BATTLE. WE WILL DO THIS. Good luck man, post everyday if you have to do stay engaged in your journey. I come on here multiple times a day for motivation, logistical reboot questions, and supporting other brothers in their journey. You got it man!

 

No human is perfect. We all make mistakes. It's God alone who never stumbles.

Just keep going, don't give up, you will see results soon. You will improve with time.

Some pieces of advice I can share are:
1. Do not watch women (porn included).
2. Do not contemplate about women.
3. Do not touch your private parts, except for hygiene.
4. Stay busy. Be disciplined. But, do not overwork.
5. Read something positive daily (the more, the better).
6. Root out lust from your conscience.
7. Meditate. (Helps to ward off an urge).
8. Do not test yourself after a little achievement.

 

We are all not the same, let' s start with that.
My first streak was 30 days, second and third also around those numbers. Then I started failing and for some time it was hard for me to make it a day or two but then I did hit the big streak which is 170 days. Then I failed and it got worse and worse. And since my big failure in february of this year just now I feel like I'm really back. So keep on going.

 

Hi! @daryl_zero ! First of all respect to you because you have chosen to accept you have this addiction and figured out you need to get out of this self-depreciating loop.

I may sound a bit crude, but I'm saying this from my experience.

In the initial stage of this journey, some relapses are common.

When that happens, please do not fall into the victim mindset trap, instead, LEARN from the relapse and IMPROVISE your strategy accordingly.

For example, if the last few relapses happened because you were so stressed over tasks and your solace was crap, make sure to address that issue and resolve it decisively.

It is a decisive and deliberate way forward.

Hope this helps. Take care