Hi everyone, So my story in a nutshell. 31 years old, PMO since 16. Two years of vanilla stuff and boom, escalated right into transsexual stuff at 18 where I’ve pretty much been getting my kicks from since. Married with a reasonable sex life, no PE but obviously some form of PIED and DE as maybe 50% of the time I had to imagine porn during sex to keep it up and finish. Other 50% of the time though I could get intimate free of thoughts and still have a loving, connected experience. Back on here after a few years giving up because I had a 48 hour binge on sissy hypnosis, something I had not previously escalated to. Felt lower than I’d ever felt, realised that this shit is the worst of the worst in this sickening industry and vowed there and then to never let it happen again. Went directly to flatline from pretty much minute one and I’m on 7 days now, feeling a bit shitty but able to handle it so far. I have tried to discuss this with my wife (not the content I was watching, just the fact I have a real issue with PMO.) She is accepting, supportive and as non-judgemental as she can be, but she doesn’t believe the research and the evidence no matter how much I try to explain it to her. Not only that but we had always said we will try for another baby after Christmas and she is still full steam ahead with that idea. Now obviously to conceive we will need to be having sex at least 2/3/4 times around the correct time of the month but even if we wait until that point, I’m only going to be at most 60 days PMO free. It’s quite conceivable that I could still be deep in flatline. My issue is, what do I do if I’m still in flatline? I know at any point I could watch/fantasise about porn for maybe half an hour and once again be rock hard and ready to go. However, I really don’t want to have to do that but when push comes to shove, I would rather do that than risk my wife walking out on me with our children because I’m so limp I can’t even attempt to get her pregnant. Feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and no matter what I say or do, she is determined that after Xmas and new year, I will be attempting to impregnate her 2/3/4 times during the week she is most fertile. Any thoughts or advice please guys?
Be brutally honest. Tell her that you want to wait two extra months, because of something important to you. She's your wife after all, you want to get her pregnant too. Tell her you are going 90 days free of it and stick to it.
Believe me I’m desperately trying to convince her that 90 days hard mode as a minimum is best and that I’m not just thinking about myself by wanting to do it, I’m also thinking about her and the quality of our relationship. Hopefully she will be more supportive if she starts to notice positive changes in me and for all I know it could potentially be a non issue, if I go hard mode until the new year I may be through flatline and ready to think about resuming a sexual relationship anyway, only time will tell I guess
Get her drunk, in her prom dress and in the backseat of the limo, with a broken condom, you wont have to do it 3-4 times it should only take once. I say continue your NoFap journey. Try and have sex with your wife without porn. Pray for strength. If you go limp sobeit, intercourse shouldn't be about you just sowing seed, that would feel as horribly objectifing as if her only job was to just make you cum. Sex is about connection, you are not a meat stud, try for intimacy and pleasure, if it comes it comes. Don't should on yourself, leave the expectations at the door. Be true to yourself. Don't cheat on the reboot, don't edge, don't use Psubs, your brain can heal. Best of luck.
Thanks man, I absolutely intend to continue P & M free, just hope that when the time comes my body and brain is in a suitable position to resume a sexual relationship. I should stress that it’s not just her putting pressure on me to have another baby, I also want one and it was always the plan to start at this point. It’s just turned out that I’ve sunk to my lowest ebb with PMO just a few months before that time arrives and I see no other choice but to try a reboot again. She is really trying to be supportive and understanding with all this but the truth is she just doesn’t get it and thinks our sex life was “fine” before. I don’t have the heart to tell her that at least half the time I was having to think of disgusting stuff just to keep it up, but that to me is definitely not the definition of fine. Oh well, no matter what happens the only way is up right. Day 8, initial flatline symptoms seem to be easing slightly and I’m feeling ok at the moment
I'm not a PA but I am the SO of one. Whenever my husband first disclosed his addiction to me, I felt betrayed, hurt, angry, and just about every other negative emotion one could think of. What happened shortly afterwards was the need to "make up" for what he was getting elsewhere in a sense of "I need to give him more of this, so he stops doing that". Obviously this doesn't work due to the chaser effect men experience afterwards. I say this because one of the reasons she is pushing so hard could be due to the internal mechanism of thinking she needs to make up for where she feels you are lacking with her. It isnt because she is not wanting to be supportive, rather, it is due to her feelings of feeling like she lost you. She may even be unaware of this driving force. She may feel as though the two of you making a baby will help you two bond, and help fix your problem with P. If this is the case, this will take some work on your part. She needs to see that your emotional attachment to her is strong, and that your not wanting to have sex has nothing to do with her as a person and as your wife. I feel this will help her see more of your perspective in the healing from the addiction.
Hi, thanks for your message. It is refreshing to hear an SO’s perspective on the matter because it hits home even further that we don’t just do damage to ourselves, we have the potential to drag our loved ones and relationships down with us. As you say, I keep trying to stress to her as much as I can that this is not about her or her fault in any way shape or form, it is just something I have to do and I promise that if I am successful, she will see that it has all been worth it. She is being understanding and saying come back to me when you are ready, but I still get the feeling that if I haven’t made the move back into sexual intimacy by the new year she may begin to have a lot of complaints. I will be on day 50 by then if I stay the course, but who knows if that will be long enough for me. Some people with a similar PMO past and use are good to go at that point while others can take up to nearly a year. For now I will just continue to be as loving and emotionally supportive to her as I can be and hope that that continues to be reciprocated in turn
