Hi. Guys. I am an asain guy. I've been on nofap for over three years now. Last time I fapped was 799 days ago. And today I almost did. Oh. And I am a virgin. How pathetic is that? I feel so ashamed admitting this... I am going to my mid thirty. I suffer from clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder and also suffer from eating disorder and ocd... My parents were very abusive. That is probably why I suck at social interaction. One particular occasion I remember, my dad made me eat my own vomit. I've been told I am very, very good looking. But Apparently, that is not what matters in meeeting girls. Ever since I started nofap I sarted cold approaching.It worked prettt well for me. I've approached many girls and got many of their numbers but none of it developed to a relationship. Somehow I guess they can sense my inner anxiety and turmoil. Honestly guys. If you ask me. I was happier when I fapped. Nofap made me realize how fucked up I was. I think I really, really improved ever since I started practicing nofap. But boy is this depression ever gonna end. I met some special girl this year. She really liked me. But ever since she found out I was 7 years older than her she rejected me . (Im not bragging. But i look very very young) It hit me really hard. been really really lonely since then.cried almost everyday. I became really suicidal these past months and I began to self mutilate.I would hit a wall to numb the mental pain. I think girls don't like me because I am not attractive enough so I chew and spat out food. Anyway. Ever since I started nofap my nipple became really really sensitive. Like you can't imagine. Last year. I tested my blood and my testosterone was very high and so was my prolactin. (Last year my nipple got a bit bigger so I went to a doctor. Turned out medicinal yeast I ve been taking for my hair caused my prolactin and estrogen to go up resulting in gynecomastia) I have hyperprolactenemia now. Last year I was examining my left nipple and a little bit of cum came out. Since it wasnt intentional I didn't count that as relapse. also. It was really tiny drip.. Okay. So now to why I almost relpased today. I have a very tiny penis. I had a surgery done on my penis when I was young and I think that hindered my penis from growing. Like I said. I am a virgin. So no sex as well. Ive noticed that my penis shrunk to half its size and it got me worried. I am definitely sure that nofap is to blame for this. So I did some jelqing thing because I didn't want my penis to shrink. That was a bad idea. Well. I can assure you that I didn't rub my penis. I didn't want to gain any pleasure from it too. I just did it because my already tiny penis shrunk to half its size. Anyway. Since I havent ejaculated for so long (except for occasional wet dream) I think my body got really horny. I swear if I want to, I can ejaculate right now without touching my self in any way at all. That is how horny I am. I am pretty sure that I may be able to cum just only from fantasizing And recently I just wanted to die. Wanted to end my life.so depressed and worried. While I was having a shower today , I touched my nipple for five seconds because it kind of calmed me down and I felt some sensation at my penis. I didn't feel any orgasm but a little white stuff came out of my penis. I think it could be prostate juice. Anyway, I Wanted to fap so much, after that.so so much but I just got a cold shower and just took ativan to calm myself. I almost gave up. I could have said. Oh you just touched yourself. So might as well fap. But I didn't. And I just wanted to share my story with you guys. Forgive my rambling.
no use in giving in, won't make your insecurity any better - I went from February 2003 to September 2007 PMO free but I relapsed in September 2007 and have been battling since then. Forgive these people and leave your past behind, it is meaningless and has no influence on you today unless you want it. I would say develop a relationship with God to get help with what you are talking about, ask for him to forgive you of your sins
I'm Sorry man but don't give up nothing. If you want to fap do it but I don't think you Will be fine. Now I want that every "NoFap get you girls" guy read this because it is not true. After 799 days, mid 30s, and you're very good looking. Head up man
Keep going. It's not worth relapsing. NoFap has worked for you. Why? Well it's made you realise how fucked up you are. NoFap is not a magic drug that solves all of your problems and turns you into a pussy slayer. NoFap is a tool for you to utilise. It helps solve your issues by alerting you to the fact that PMO is unhealthy and that you are unhappy with your life. You need to put in the effort to change yourself. I can see you've put effort into abstaining from PMO. I mean 799 days is really impressive and requires some real willpower. Cutting out PMO has only solved some of your issues, there are still bridges to build. I urge you to continue NoFap, keep a clear mind and work on solving your life issues. Try mediation, write down your life aspirations, and most importantly appreciate yourself. You should be proud that you've been able to achieve 799 without PMO. I can barely last a week. If you have that much willpower to be able to abstain for 799 days, then I'm sure you can channel that into solving your life issues too. As for girls, I struggle too. Most girls I meet block me or we soon discover we don't gel. I find it difficult to meet girls as they don't seem interested in an average guy like me who has a career, strives to improve in life and has a good personality. I promise you, with a bit of effort you'll find a nice girl. Stay in there mate. Try and find some dating sites, they have more serious users than apps do. I'm no expert, but usually when people abstain from PMO they notice an increase in penis size. I certainly did. However, in your case it appears absolutely no use of your penis has probably caused it to shrink in size. If you can get some kind of blood pumping down there, then it might solve the issue. I can't certify this, but from what I've read before it appears inactivity can cause issues. Anyways, good luck and don't give up.
@moretzfever Keep on going bro! Know that you're not alone, I'm sure there are millions of guys like you out there... Do your best to work on yourself - try going to the gym to improve your physique, I think it will help you to improve your confidence. I'm a virgin too, mid 20s, but I decided I'm going to work on myself first before I look for a girlfriend. Don't depend on a girl to feel better about yourself, help and value yourself. Stay strong and also try talking to more and more girls, practise makes your better.
Don't fall into the PMO mind trap ! You are strong ! You are optimistic,you're gonna REACH your goals, lt's not over until you win. Ask yourself what PMO gonna bring you ? You are going to enjoy the first session ? And after that the guilt will come because you broke your amazing streak. So you gonna PMO again and again and it's not a good idea fort heal depression. Watch Ben Lione Scott on youtube
I hope you've kept it up brotha! You've been on a hell of a journey, but you've had the discipline to go 799 days without fapping. Think about that. That's roughly 2.5 years. There is a lot of energy inside you.
@moretzfever, thank you for your story, remember that we never know what tommorow will bring or what is hiding around the corner. Reaching 799 days of NoFap is mindblowing to me - you really have a spirit and discipline to remain vigilant for such a long time. There is a Polish saying "each monster will find its amateur" - I've never had a girlfriend and at the age of 26 I am still single, after I dedicated myself to the NoFap lifestyle I realized that maybe it's actually good, as my destructive addictions and habits might have actually ruin someone else life or even drag someone with me to this swamp - I look forward to meeting a girl that I will spend the rest of my life with, however I know that this process can't be rushed and only God knows what future awaits for me. Stay strong, life is perfect only in the movies and on some of the stories shared on e.g. social media, but we never know what skeletons someone hides and doesn't want to show to the rest of the world. Godspeed!
