I feel empty.... Broken, alone and I dont even know who I am anymore

Keep strong, my friend! I can somehow understand where you're standing right now... Sometimes the way we perceive ourselves determines a lot of how we feel and therefore how we live our lives.... I used to live expecting many things of my life and not being able to fulfill those expectations took me to a really dark place. After a lot of bad decisions and experiences, one friend talked to me about what humility and simplicity of heart really mean and my life changed completely... Being able to accept my reality and to be thankful for all the blessings I had received (believe me, we all have at least a few waiting there to be seen) allowed me to first enjoy the simple but beautiful things in life and then to start healing my self-esteem. After that, everything started changing amazingly for good! It's really impressive how a simple point of view about ourselves and our perceptions of reality can damage the nice things we are supposed to live!

Though we barely know each other and we live (probably) more than 10,000km away, here you have someone you could speak to, so you can unburden at least a little bit of everything you must be carrying with you right now!

Warmest regards!

 

Hey NotSoAverageJoe, before I give you any advice I want to let you know that you are not alone and I myself and many other people on this forum will be here to support you and give you advice. I've felt depressed and sad before and a lot of people here have whether it be because of porn or other deeper issues that they avoid by using porn because it is so intense and painful. But we have slowly begun to change our lives one day at a time mainly by quitting porn and I myself have slowly been turning my life around just by abstaining from porn use. I think the first thing that you should start out with in order to get things back together is by figuring out why you want to quit porn. The reason for me was because I was having really intrusive thoughts and I developed HOCD because of it, which really left me stressed and miserable. It's important to find your reason because it will be the reason that you stick onto as you undergo the pain and strong urges that come from withdrawal. The next thing I suggest you do is to educate yourself about porn addiction and about rebooting. Here are some links for each topic.

For learning about porn addiction:




For learning about rebooting/NoFap:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0dDLWGMhUo (More about advice on your reboot)

Finally I would suggest preparing and then going through with a reboot. Some preparations can include finding hobbies and activities to focus on during your recovery as well as finding healthier foods to eat or quitting junk food. You can also fix your sleep schedule (which I don't believe is a problem for you), or even try to figure out how to improve the quality of your job. Preparing for your reboot is mostly up to you as long as you really go through and commit to quitting. When you begin your reboot some key things I would suggest you do include holding on to your reason and why you've committed to quitting, keeping occupied, not focusing on the number of days you are clean but how you can make the most of them, and dealing with urges (some good videos/links to study/look up on controlling your urges: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u3_JHvJLd8, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSh1uQ3K6J8, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8-I5sVYjwY, http://lifehacker.com/master-self-control-by-thinking-of-urges-as-a-passing-w-1651997984, http://lifehacker.com/overcome-the-need-for-instant-gratification-by-delaying-1636938356). I urge you to visit the forums every single day for more motivation and to stay strong even through no benefits. Eventually after the first 2 weeks are done you may even notice some benefits such as an increase in your confidence or mood which will definitely motivate you even more. If you are having trouble using your reason in order to commit, just remember how much pain porn has caused you throughout it's use in your life and how much it has negatively controlled you. Remember that porn doesn't even lead you anywhere positive and that it will just make you feel worse and worse, use by use. It is completely possible to overcome your porn usage as long as you are willing to face the pain that comes from quitting it. It will hurt at some points but I promise you once that pain has concluded you will feel the way you've been dying to feel for a long period of time. Don't let this shit control you anymore and I hope at least a little bit of this advice helps you on your journey.

 

So it's fair to say that you have hit rock bottom with your addiction NotSoAverageJoe. One thing that strikes me is that you are not fully committed to your journey, hence why you always come back to porn. The reason you are not committed is that you can't see anything worth committing to. You have little direction in life it seems. You're stuck in a bad job (or at least that's your opinion of it), you are lonely and are in an unfamiliar location.

Your porn addiction may be a huge burden in your life, but really it is your whole life that you need to turn around, starting with your addiction to porn. You have to believe that there is something worth fighting for. That at the end of the tunnel there is an ideal life for you. One where you will be happy, content, surrounded by people you know and love and where you will be happy with your job. All that is POSSIBLE, but you're going to have to work for it. You have to "commit your very being" to improving your life.

I recommend starting by outlining all the reasons you want to quit porn. In the early days this will be all you have to get you through. You can still abstain from porn without motivation or self discipline, but you need to know that if you relapse, you will be right back in the pit where you started. After a while (say a week) you need to find external motivations for doing nofap. Say you would like to find a girlfriend for example.

Your list of reasons for quitting porn is what will form your resolve to quit, which you need to remind yourself regularly of to keep you on the straight and narrow and in accordance with your long term goals. Your resolve could consist of things such as this:

• Consider why you are here trying to quit porn/ masturbation. Write down why you are here and why you decided to take the nofap challenge.
• Write down why you want to stop masturbating/ watching porn. How is your addiction affecting your life? What can you achieve if you can quit?
• Write down what you’ve learnt on your journey so far. This may include identifying your triggers.
• Write down what you still want to achieve in yourself. This may include your career aspirations, or aspiring to improving your social life or love life. Or it may include how you want to manage yourself in future, or how you want to improve your self-discipline
• Write down any benefits you have experienced so far from abstaining from porn/ masturbation or from trying to improve your life.
• Consider how you would feel if you were to relapse. Note down all the reasons why you want to avoid relapse in order to realise your long term aspirations

For more information I recommend reading this thread, which has more detail on my recommendations for quitting porn, or the start of my monthly journals where I re-iterate my own resolve. Additionally, take a look at this video: Let me know what you think. All the best @NotSoAverageJoe

 

Stop crying. You're not so special. I had sex for the first time at 26 years old and then I didn't have sex for other 7 years (now I'm having a good deal). I encountered failures in my studies, restarted and start working for the first time at 30 years old and I lived with my parents until 30.
Was I a loser? No, I had a loser attitude. Now I had a nice job with nice salary, a beautiful girlfriend and full of friends and with a good future. I just changed my attitude.
You're alone? You're not gonna have friends if you stay at home all the day. Your job sucks? Try to understand what you would like to do and make it your job.
Your porn addiction is the consequence of your insecurities, but winning against this addiction will give you a boost in self esteem and the other people will start to feel more attracted by you and you will have results that you didn't think it was possible for you ("superpowers") .

Anyway, if you like to be a loser you can continue to live in the same way you're doing and cry on a forum before to fap on porn again.
But this is not what you want, isn't it?