the Light

Hi everyone!
I'm new to this site but so grateful for finding it! My story:
I have been engulfed in this pornography/masturbation addiction spiral since about 13. I have dealt with social anxiety since I was very young. I had a rough childhood dealing with the divorce of my parents at a young age and rarely seeing my dad for puberty and on until early adulthood. I believe I originally used porn as an escape from my lack of friends and the stress of my home life. I had a girlfriend in HS, but naturally this relationship ended eventually. Lacking the emotional stability, and a father figure for advice, I delved deeper into pornography and masturbation, which was always there to give me relief from the daily anxiety I felt from the break up and the stress that simple person-to-person communication made me feel. This persisted into my college years, where it became slightly easier to meet women but with the social anxiety persisting I still was not comfortable in most interpersonal relationships. I met another girl and started an off/on relationship with her. We had many issues that I believe sprung from my addiction to pornography. She was a great girl but I never could be satisfied with how she looked and I treated her as less than a person and more like another porn movie that I could just turn off when I was finished coming. She fell in love with me and I just couldn't cope with the level of intimacy a serious relationship brings. So, after that ended I once again went into the same cycle of using porn to solve my depression and anxiety issues. That tends to be the pattern with me! So after my most recent girlfriend of 2.5 years and I were having problems, most of them being out of the bed room, I retreated to my porn world and expected everything to work itself out. Obviously, this did not end up happening, but I am happy to be out of that relationship as she was not the right person for me (for many reasons that are beyond the purpose of this website). After the demise of this most recent serious relationship, I decided it was time for a change. I moved away from the town we were living together in and moved to the big city. I love my new home and have found it profoundly easier to meet new women. The social anxiety of my early 20s (now am 26 yo) has all but disappeared as I now actually enjoy meeting new people. Also, the PMO (new term for me so correct me if I use it wrong) has been reduced to an EXTREMELY low amount of 1-3 times a week. In the past, it has been 1-3 times a day! However, while my confidence and social skills have come so far, problems still persist. While I have found it much simpler to meet potential female sex partners, and my seduction skills have improved, when the time comes I experience quite a bit of erectile dysfunction. I am not embarrassed by this as I know it is something that happens to everyone, but it is disappointing and as I've read here is connected to the fact that I am still masturbating to pornography albeit less frequently. As I am in the prime of my life as a Man , I am highly motivated to have great sex and not let pornography addiction drag me back down to where I was because I have come a very long way on my own. But, I know that I still need help to fully push my recovery efforts over the hill. I understand fully the terminology in the articles, as it relates to my college curriculum, and I will continue to read them so what I am asking for is help in my quest and advice from guys that have been where I am and where I once was. Sorry for the long post, but it was very therapeutic. Hope to talk to you all soon! Day 1.

 

Thanks guys appreciate the kind words. Day 2 went great! I definitely got a lot more done, as I wasn't looking at porn all day as I would usually do on my off day.