Hey there everyone, I am writing in this form looking for information. I found porn at a young age and quickly took a liking to it. I remember I was roughly 13 years old I began porn. This created the numbing effect as I was addicted to this quickly. My porn views grew as shown below: Lesbian---> Big Butts---> Anal---> Gay/transwoman--->Sissy Hypno There was some in between genres I am sure but this is what I recall distinctively. I remember porn porn taking control of me and strongly controlling my actions. Often believing there were two different personalities driving my car. For myself this created a major internal conflict. I began experimenting with partners often leading to pegging and crossdressing occurring. When this was not enough I needed porn to be on the tv during these times. This created the confusion if I was gay/bi/pan. I fought this for many years as I didn't see myself as any of these. Finally I moved to a large city and had sexual intercourse with a random trans woman. I did this very unsafely and regret this part. I do not regret the experience as I believe it was a useful stepping stone in discovering myself. I would say all my life I have identified as a straight man. I needed to know if maybe I was wrong so that is why I tried it. It was not as amazing as I thought the experience would be and this lead to more confusion. I am okay with being Bisexual but it just doesn't feel like me. This is my story and I am reaching out to ask you for your story. When you had your first experience was there a moment of clarity? How did you know you were Bi or Gay? -UserFriendly
Well, I’m just coming to terms with my bisexuality after obsessing over it for a year. Until a year ago I never doubted my straightness but here I am now identifying as bi. In my case it started with a fear of being gay and was really weird as literally every man I saw seemed attractive ( even fucking kids and grandpas lol ). I ended up watching gay porn to see whether I’m gay or nah. Initially it didn’t arouse me but the more I checked the more used to it I got and eventually I got off to it, even tho I forced myself to do do and felt rather anxious after doing so. Rn I think I’m sexually attracted to males tho I would describe these attractions as something mental rather than something purely animalistic but idk. Also some days I feel like I’m more attracted to women and some days it’s quite an opposite. But I guess I have to accept the fact that I can not control my attractions. Nonetheless I still don’t wanna be gay for some reason, maybe that’s because I have always desired women or I live in a homophobic country idk. To sum up just go with the flow and have sex with whoever u want to have sex cuz at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter who your partner is. All that matters is whether you are happy with that person or not.
Hey Thanks BrianTheDog for your insight on my question. I guess for me I am struggling with this as the two gay experiences that I had did not occur because I was attracted to the person. I felt I was chasing a high of that next great orgasm. My therapist believes I am a sex addict and she has quite valid reasoning too. I needed sex very bad when these experiences occurred and when tinder and bumble didn't work out I went to grindr. I feel personally this comes down to the human instincts of chasing the reward that is considered easy is much more favorable. I believe porn has opened my mind to the possibility of being bisexaul. I want to accept it and be proud about it but I just have this feeling it is not me. If I see a handsome guy I do not think "ohhh I want to have sex with him". When I see pretty woman I constantly think "Id like to have my face in those boobs". Mainly the thoughts are more graphic but I don't want to turn this into some sort of porn novel. Shouldn't the thoughts go both ways? Am I suppressing them? Am I correct in my hypothesis? I believe in my mind after having these experiences I am trying to figure out how they fit into how I see myself.
Idk date women then, u don’t have to be gay lol. Tbh with I’m in a rough spot too as my attractions fluctuate a lot like at 10 am I’m straight and then an hour later I’m gay. Nobody forces you to date dudes. Also just because u can find some men attractive doesn’t mean that you are into them. Idk I also feel like I’m in denial and I’m truly gay even it’s been like a year since I have developed my same sex attractions. Once again u gotta do what u truly want. Just remember that u will be fine!!!
