Hello fellow Bisexuals, I am so happy this group exists! A little over a month ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. It was mutual, but in the end I realized how much I hated myself and it was a dark realization. My ex Nathan was not my type at all. He was high maintenance, mean spirited, and selfish. I constantly put up with bullshit and let him treat me and my loved ones horribly. He also did something that I don't think I can forgive, he made me feel ugly and inadequate. This was particularly true in the bedroom. 90% of the time, I couldn't even get off. We both consistently watched porn, and as our bedroom encounters became more and more unbearable, pmo got worse. In the end I barely took care of myself because I knew that sex just sucked for everyone anyways... So why be presentable and clean? The whole thing was becoming so pointless. Finally we tried to talk through it and he just made me feel even worse about myself. I couldn't take the BS and hurt anymore. I ripped the band-aid off and we went from speaking every day for a year, to not at all within a few days. There was no rebound, no breakup sex. He was just gone. Of course it still hurts, but what hurt worse was realizing that I would rather put up with a narcissistic bully, who constantly makes me feel like I'm not enough, than learn to love myself. That is what this journey is about for me. Learning to enjoy my own company. I also need to come back to sex in a healthier way. I am tired of jumping from one person to the next and feeling like shit after. Even if I return to hookups again, I want them to be respectful to both parties. I am coming up on a month of no PMO and a few questions have come up for me. Please share if you have some insight. 1. How does one come back to sex in a healthy way after 90+ days of NoFAP? 2. Can hooking up be done respectfully? 3. I don't really want a relationship right now... But I want to get physical with people again... Is it not meaningful if it's not that one special person? Can it be? There is a lot of talk in the straight community about not seeing people as objects. I really strive to make anyone I am with for a night, or a week feel good in the end. I try to be up front and honest about what I want out of the situation. I also religiously focus on being able to connect and enjoy company while we are together. Is it still objectifying someone if this is how I approach the situation? 4. How did you come back to sex after no PMO? 5. What do you all think of sex toys and self love after 90 days? I know some of this can only be answered when I get to that point. I'm trying to be as present as possible, but a boy can't help but wonder... Cheers and love to you all!
Hey there, glad you finally took the step to choose yourself over trying to keep someone who doesn't appreciate you. I haven't had much experience with relationships but with hookups, yeah. I think it's best if one focuses on finding a healthy way to express yourself sexually, but at the same time you mentioned you don't want a relationship at the moment. That could be a difficult balance to satisfy, but if you choose yourself for now, and establish boundaries as to what you want a healthy sex life can be, I think that would be very beneficial to you if ever you start dating again. This time you lay out your own rules, what you want to experience in bed, and of course listen to what the other person wants as well. In my case I'm trying to do this kind of disassociating masturbation and porn from each other where I try to masturbate without porn and just try to enjoy myself, which I believe will help me find out what I like in bed, and in turn I can tell my partner about it in the future, which I hope would lead into a healthy relationship with a healthy sex life.
I am doing a similar thing... Kind of trying to learn how to 'make love' to myself in a sense. Yeah I think the only way to go is to stick to my boundaries that I set for myself and others.
Yeah that's what I call it too. Making love to myself, not always successful since the temptation for porn is still there, but yeah it's a work in progress. I've stopped hooking up last February after a breakup, got tired of the hook up culture, then went back to pmo and the frequency grew again. Proud to say I've been hookup free for 5 months but the craving for physical intimacy is still there, but after a few failed attempts at a relationship, I told myself that maybe it's time I focus on myself.
That's great though! There really is this extra challenge for men who have sex with men, to not go out and be extremely promiscuous. But you can easily replace the porn with hookups that have a lot of the same nature as porn.
It's not much different than getting off on porn to be honest. It's just more laborious, you get ready, you go to his place, and then you both get off and then you go home. In comparison to pmo, where you just do it then and there and you're done. But they both leave you feeling empty afterwards. I do think it's different if you have the intention of dating this guy and he feels the same way for you, sex just feels so much better and rewarding when it's with someone you genuinely like and vice versa.
