The falseness of P as a necessary fulfillment for those without a partner

Porn harms your brain.. Irrespective of married or unmarried.

Hence NoFap is for all....

 

Well, I think if a guy never uses porn and masturbates a few times a month without visual or auditve input, but perhaps, thinks while doing it of a beloved person it can be considered healthy.
But for us, and others who have linked porn and masturbation for a long time it is best to leave out both as long as possible

 

brainrenewal - i completely get what you mean. Is is difficult for me to identify with some of the posts I read and some of the other web resources I have come across. I am neither married and christian nor am I heterosexual. Because of that, mostly the latter, it is almost expected that I lead some unapologetic sexually charged life. That simply is not me.

Before I go on a long winded response - congrats on having a relationship with someone that you are very attracted to. That is fantastic. Continued work on the porn problem may truly allow you to continue building a relationship with this woman.

With the exception of a two year relationship, I have spent my entire adult life as single or dating very casually. I'm socially awkward too and further, I won't date just for the sake of dating. I don't feel "alone" or like "I don't have anybody". It's easier for me to be single than to try and decipher the confusion and awkwardness I experience with people I have tried dating. I have great friends. I have fun hobbies. I have a decent job that is intellectually stimulating. My life feels pretty full most days.

Honestly, I've never felt the craving for porn and I think it is because I have never, EVER, taken it out of my life. It has always been there since I was a teen. Until starting nofap, When I had thoughts during the day, I would sometimes look at pics on my phone, but for the most part I am able to delay the compulsion until later in the day when I am alone. I would inevitably watch porn every night. It wasn't even a thought. I just did it, just like I brush my teeth before bed and have coffee the moment I wake up. It's about patterns, visual stimulus and reward.

You hit it on right on the head there. Porn does have it's own sick logic.

Until recently, I had never even made the connection that porn was most likely the reason for my sexual dysfunctions, which lead to more social awkwardness, especially during truly intimate occasions. I blamed the dysfunction on medications for depression and adhd, being tired and having an unrelenting stress level (usually due to the depression and adhd). Even when those things are stable, the problem exists.

Because I'm awkward, live a single life and have ED it only made sense to just go on that way. Staying close to my friends and keep my porn habit going was a natural inclination for me. It made complete sense. But that can only work for so long. I recently went on a date with a very nice person and on the second date it came to sex. It did nothing for me. More accurately, I was able to do nothing. While on that second date I actually thought "hmmm, maybe I'll just go home [and watch PORN], at least I will get off".

I have had that same feeling on several first or second dates. Because I was thinking about the inability to perform and i could just watch porn when i got home, I had no regard for the other person or their feelings. None at all.

That was my breaking point.. My porn problem doesn't just affect me, but others too.

I ignored the continued feeling of shame by watching more porn and have O's that are mediocre at best. My body and brain have learned about sex from porn, not learning from/with another person how to have truly good sex, whatever that is.

I could write about this for days. I'm going to continue on my 11th day w/o PMO focusing on other things I enjoy. I'm going to do a 15 mile bike ride. That is really all I care about today.

 

I think you are so right. Porn is in no way a replacement for sex. Porn is not about sexual satisfaction. Not really.
That's why 10 million Christian men living on porn think getting married will solve their problem and it doesn't. Porn like so many other things-that I would call idols--have their own sick logic.
That's why Christians need to stop thinking about it in terms of just hurting my wife. Porn from a Christian perspective is a God-replacement. We treat it like a God to control and use and it does nothing but drag us down into its abyss.