Well I’m going to jump into this quick as I have some things I’d like to say and if you could please read this to it’s entirety that would truly make my day. I am in rough times right now and I need to talk to someone as this forum is the only place I can do that. I am too ashamed, sad and embarrassed to talk to anyone I know. I currently just went into my sixth month of NoFap, This is my longest streak yet and the most proud of myself I have ever been, I definitely noticed some changes on this journey and the best part is the fact that my old fetishes no longer control me, they disgust me. I got into my fetishes a few years ago and I never had any real interactions with women when I was young so I never got to develop the right sexuality that I am meant to have. I haven’t watched real porn and my old fetishes since August 19th 2019. I stopped jerking off at the start of 2020. The reason for me joining NoFap is similar to a lot of people on here. I tried to have sex with a girl and she gave me head and what happened? Yep, I didn’t get hard at all, I was completely limp and I was not into it at all. This is when I officially had realized that I had PIED/ Performance Anxiety and I was willing to do whatever it took to change and I did. I fell in love for the first time in my life during my freshman year of college to this beautiful girl and it’s honestly the best thing that had ever happened to me, I would literally cry laying in my bed at night last year of high school because I felt different than everyone else, I had no experience with any girl ever and I didn’t like the girls that had liked me, I was alone. That all changed when I met this girl. And that all changed again when I got completely broken. I was talking to this girl for months and she always asked to have sex and I was nervous that it wouldn’t work, I knew I was ready for sex. My dick just wasn’t. And it sucked badly. She said she was “understanding” that I wasn’t ready and was “willing” to wait. You can probably already see where this is going but, she would ask me constantly to be her boyfriend or for me to ask her out and I wouldn’t. I actually wasn’t dating this girl because I felt as though we weren’t actually dating if we weren’t having sex so I refrained from dating her. I wanted to date her so badly but I was just embarrassed cause we weren’t having sex. Rewind about two months ago and she’s begging me to leave my dorm room and come downstairs so I did. I saw my friend and her just sitting on chairs in the common area of the dorm, and they told me. They had been hooking up with each other multiple times while me and her had been talking. This shut me down, this shit hurts me until this very day and I still think about it every single day. I know for a fact she was only having sex with him because I wasn’t fucking her but she tried to tell me that it was because she “messed up” and that he had feelings for her. I had a true attraction to this girl, I was in love and I still had feelings after this had all happened. We started talking again but shortly after we left for spring break school decided we weren’t returning due to COVID-19. Things went good until about a month ago. I was the one always texting first and this eventually led to her officially ghosting me. We haven’t talked in weeks and I still have some feelings for this girl even though I know I shouldn’t. Because she’s literally in my dreams back to back and it’s shit like her being like “I know you still have feelings for me” or “I want you back” I woke up this morning crying after she was in my dream. Either way I have always felt like an outsider when it comes to my friends at school because I’m a virgin and all of them aren’t. It’s sad because I am so self conscious about my virginity and people always say you shouldn’t feel bad about it but sometimes conversations about sex and shit will come up with my friends and it gets awkward for me and I just don’t say anything. So I am now 154 days into NoFap and I have no idea if my dick works or not because I haven’t had the chance to have sex in like 2 months, I had done small stuff with this girl but my dick would just be very weird when it came to being hard I do get morning woods and all. All I want is to be normal. I just want to be able to get into bed with a girl I truly love and be able to have satisfying and great sex like everyone else is. But no here I am alone, the only time I don’t feel alone is when I read these posts on NoFap, but I know I am alone when it’s my life off the screen. Sometimes I question why I am even here. I feel like a failure and a fuck up, I feel like as soon as something remotely good starts to happen in my life I basically get absolutely fucked. The girl I am in love with ghosts me, my mom essentially kicks me out of the house takes my house keys and basically calls me this drug addict that doesn’t know his priorities. (I smoke weed) Now I am here living with my dad. I am still sad not as often as I used to be and I’m not as depressed as I used to be. Sometimes I question who would even care if I just died and it makes me upset. I know I deserve better but for some reason I feel like this is all on top of me for a reason. I just want to be truly happy with a girl who’s happy to be with me and that’s all i ask for. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make my dick work. Sometimes I go on web to look at pharmacies online in other countries that sell counterfeit pills and brand name Sildenafil so I can order them in hopes that I can take them and not have to worry about not getting hard due to performance anxiety, or pied. I don’t even know what it is at this point because I have no attraction to my fetish, sometimes I feel like I have a decent libido but I feel like it’s because it’s been so long since I’ve orgasmed that I think I have sexual desire but It’s not the same sexual desire I had for my fetishes when I was addicted to them, so I think I have low libido. Alright I’m gonna wrap this up basically all I want to know is, will I ever actually be able to have real and enjoying sex with a woman or am I just like this? Is smoking weed bad for my sexual desire or sexual health? Should I take pills or is that a bad idea? I stared young so if I am able to cure myself I think it would be longer than 90 days reboot which I have already almost doubled, I plan to keep going and do not have intents on returning to porn as I am disgusted with what it has turned me into. Porn ruined my life and I will never support anyone who advocates for that disgusting and filthy fucking industry ever again. note: I do not talk to my friend anymore that was fucking my girl, he knows his place. I am living with him next years with a bunch of others in a college dorm suite type beat, I am going to make it clear that he cannot talk to me or go into my room. I haven’t actually talked to him about it at all, but I do know one thing and that he was doing shit with her for months until I found out the worst part is some of my other friends knew but they weren’t telling me. They were waiting for them to do it, I was also told he actually planned on never telling me and that it was all her idea.
chill dude. maybe 154 days isnt enough for you, some people like noah church and gabe deem took 8-12 months. or maybe you finished rebooting and you just need to rewire.find yourself a girl just to do the simple things with, kisses cuddling and stuff to train your brain to rewire to the new stimulus. it might take some time but most guys generally need an actual partner to complete the rewiring process (or so ive read)
Man I'm really sorry to hear that story. That must have hurt like hell. Nofap will not help in this case, not at all. This is my first visit here after ditching it, trying new strategies for sexual dysfunction and having enormous success. So you have 'dick goes limp' issues. You come here, and you are told - avoid ANY sexual stimulus; do not touch your dick, do not think about touching your dick; leave it the hell alone; forget it's even there - and according to the NF cultboys, as if by magic this is gonna give you rock hard erections that spring up in 5 seconds. Bullshit. Just think for a moment how little sense that makes and how unlikely that is. Your dick is not muscle as such, it's an organ but it still benefits from regular stimulus. Say you want big arms - NF says do not exercise your arms, don't lift anything, not even a 1kg weight, don't put any pressure on you arms whatsoever, just let your arms hang limp and lifeless 24/7 - and 3 months later you will have huge bulging arms. Lol. Good luck with that. So that's the first thing. Your dick is a "muscle" and think about it like you would think about any other muscle. Use it or lose it. Getting aroused regularly makes your dick stronger. And a stronger dick means you get aroused more easily. Using this theory I give myself a 10 minute 'workout' every day. Drop my pants, stimulate myself, get aroused, have erotic thoughts, enjoy the feelings, obviously no P, no M. Sometimes 2 x a day. I'm 48 and since I've been doing this I have a morning wood every day and my dick is in infinitely better health than it was on my longest streak, about 5 months when my dick looked like a anorexic maggot.
Yes Possibly. There isnt much serious research about this so anything you read is entirely subjective and speculation Take them, it's a good idea. Hugely confidence boosting to see your manhood er...boosted...I did some experiments lately with sildenafil, I'm 48 remember and I was like "shit!! I haven't seen that since I was 15!!". It shows you everything is working fine, it's just then a question of doing it without he pills, which I was able to do.
Last time I orgasmed was April 27th wet dream, last time I orgasmed from masturbating was december 31st
while I was with her I was doing those things and I would get erections just laying in bed with her and shit it seemed like I was headed in a really good direction, obviously since then I haven’t been able to really see anyone I’ve just been home
Well I think you need to deal with the performance anxiety, that's kinda obvious! But I'm not clear - did you actually ever try and have sex with this girl, or did you not even try because of performance anxiety? Better to try, and risk failure ,than not try for fear of failure...
I don't know as I never tried getting it on with a girl when I started noticing a problem but my libido went to zero, I could still get it up fully without porn but all desire had disappeared. I did two months hard mode and everything came back, it would spring up instantly and I was so horny that I'd have stuck it in Shrek given the chance but unfortunately this horniness led me back to porn and since then I feel I'm in a worse position now than when I started. I think I well and truly have PIED now though and the loss of libido was just a sign of things to come.
I think I had the beginning stages of it, I'd get hard quickly but would start to lose it unless constantly stimulated. My point is that after two months it became more of a concern trying to get it to go down than to stay up. Now though I'm worse off than where I started, as if the relapses since recovering have done more damage than if I'd never recovered in the first place.
Well at least youve proved to yourself you can do it, just do it again and dont replapse! And it sound like everything is working which is something else to be positive about. Like in OPs case ED is, unfortunately, really shitty - if you havent got an issue, lucky you!
Well I did try for sure once and it didn’t work which is what made me nervous to try again and she would give me handjob and like my penis was half hard kinda losing erection tho and sometimes when she’d just be naked in front of me I wouldn’t be hard sometimes I would but again I was kinda nervous to really make any big moves when I kinda had an erection
Well the first time I actually ever tried I wasn’t expecting it at all she just told me to come over her roommate was there sleeping and she just started making out with me and then gave me head but It just wasn’t enjoyable I was uncomfortable cause her roommate was there, it didn’t really feel good and I was kinda nervous and me realizing that I wasn’t hard made it even worse. It wasn’t good at all, and it was just plain awkward after though I just went to sleep
Hmmm ok, I'm not sure why her roommate being there was an issue, I mean she wasn't in the same room right? And not once have you said 'she has amazing hair/eyes etc...' you were sexuality attracted to her right? You haven't actually said anything to suggest you were. Can I ask how much weed you're smoking and how old are you?
