Today I remembered something that I found encouraging, and maybe you'll find it encouraging to. Just to clarify, I've only dated one person. I started dating her when I was 25. We met at work. She was dating someone else at the time, but we got along really well and flirted to the point that I felt guilty. I didn't want to be a homewrecker. Anyways, when we finally started dating, she asked me how many people I had dated, and she seemed utterly shocked when I said zero. I hadn't kissed anyone. Any of it. She told me she thought that I got all the ladies. To put this in context: while recognize that I have objectively positive attributes, even to this day (I'm single again and have been for a year), I still feel fear about approaching a woman, flirting, etc. But this memory gave me a pretty needed boost. To me, I might feel inadequate in various ways, but that doesn't mean the girl is aware of this. She actually thought the complete opposite! Facing fear is still a bitch. But I hope and assume you have more inside you than you think, just like I did.
hi there the confidence you had was deep inside... i found out something when one woman comes along and gives you the confidence you needed all of sudden seems like women want to talk to u but then fuck it up by the self pity party. Let me know wat u think of my findings
She was attracted physically to you and in her eyes you got your shit together. Confidence is really attractive to woman so everything was playing in your favor. She instantly assumed that you got all the ladies because you were all the ladies are looking for in a man. Unnecessary mistake! In her eyes you were a high value man, a man that for sure already dated a lot of girls. Keep it that way!! But you voluntarily told her that you don't and instantly she started to wonder why.. what is wrong with this man that he never dated anyone? is he a really high value man as i supposted? that new feelling is not going to work in your favor. She is going to test you a lot and figure out why you don´t had succes with woman before. Next time you are going to say something, think if it´s going to make you look more confident and successful and not the other way around.
We did end up dating though, so it worked out. I was actually the one who ended it, about a year ago. She accepted my lack of dating experience, and I don't think it was a deterrent, since by that point she was already pretty into me. I think it was weirdly enough a turn on for her cause then she could "teach me things." I agree that if this was early on in knowing her, I would have been a lot more cautious about mentioning my dating experience or lack of it. I appreciate your comment too. I'm trying to remind myself and others that we have what it takes. (And if we don't, we should be working towards that first anyway).
You mean, once you date one person, other women are suddenly interested? I think that's true. What do you mean by self pity party?
yes you know like the other geezer said about being a high value guy.. thats you deep down my man.. with regards to self pity i was refering more to myself not you and hope u didnt take as an attack on you. I feel sorry for myself alot and know women are not attracted by this.. its the whole concept of well if he thinks he aint that great then he honestly cant be that great.. theres other things also sutly done that show not great like I will buy her gifts to make up for dee feelings that im not that great so she either realises that i am trying to hide this or thinks free stff ill keep him around untill i get bored depends how decent the woman is really
This would only be considered problematic if you let others actually notice it. If you told her that you had remained celibate for whatever valid reason most women wouldn't have any objections to it as long as you're not awkward or clingy. Sex without validation seems pointless in my eyes anyway so waiting isn't an inherently bad thing.
I agree for the most part. I know a lot of people who act like their singleness is a blight upon them and are really thirsty for a relationship. And sometimes, yeah, people wonder if there's something wrong with someone if they've never dated. But on the other side, you're totally right. Sex and even dating probably can amount to a massive financial, emotional, and psychic investment. Obviously dating exists to help people find mates before just marrying someone, but there's so much more to life. To return to your first point, confidence makes up for so many things. I think the problem for most guys is not having the confidence because they haven't had the experience.
I don't think I consciously have low self esteem, but I observe myself acting in low self-esteem ways. For example, maybe I see the cute girl at a cafe, but feel too afraid to say anything to her. Of course, I don't know about her opinion of me, but maybe if we were exchanging enough glances, I'm that mysterious attractive stranger to her. I might never know. I certainly started liking myself more when I started accomplishing the things I wanted to.
