Hey guys, I recognized since I started the NoFap challenge about one year ago, that I'm just happy while I practice online dating. I'm writing with all these girls, this makes me happy. Meeting all these girls makes me happy, but if it gets serious with one of the girls, i really want to get into a relationship, but with this step I of course quit my online dating activities and thats the point where I become more and more sad. I had a lot of girls the last year and now I recognize that it something has to do with quitting online dating. I also started be way more active, go dancing, playing soccer, went alot to parties. But the most thing I'm enjoying is this online dating stuff, why? Did someone have the same thing? Or can someone understand this? And another thing I recognized, I haven't had any feelings with all these girls I had the last year... Literally all the meetings I had with girls ended with sex. My last releationship related thing ended about december last year but we decided to be friends. We recognized that we don't fit together and I had no feelings all the time. But a few weeks ago we met as friends again and we watched a movie while we was cuddling, and I began to feel something for her. I just thought for myself that I have to cut down the contact to here because we really don't fit. But could it be that I suddenly felt something for her because we haven't had sex this time? I'm excited about your answers. Greetings molotrap
It´s normal. You enjoy more dating multiple woman than having a steady relationship. Keep doing what you really like to do and don´t settle for less. Maybe you didn´t found the rigth girl for you. When you found her spending time with her will be a lot more fun than dating multiple of them. Or maybe not.. you just like date multiple woman! that´s ok. Maybe you had or maybe you don´t. Have sex with her and look what you feel then. About feelling you don´t fit trust your fellings, as i said before don´t settle for less.
I agree with what @p1n1983 said for the most part, however, I think the issue here is that you are dealing with porn addiction. We don't know how much that is influencing your behaviour with online dating. You're being exposed to pictures of women and that is acting much like pornography, even if it isn't hardcore. You may have just replaced your porn addiction with an online dating addiction. This would also explain why you aren't wanting to settle for one girl because the coolidge effect is still in place. You're still looking for that new video with that new girl doing that new thing, you've just replaced it with online dating real women. My advice is to drop the online dating completely and focus on in person dating. Going to nightclubs and other social events and meeting women that way. It's much more personal and demands a high level of skill and effort, which both may help you recover more. Always be wary though, porn addiction can very easily evolve into sex addiction. Nothing wrong with casual sex as far as I'm concerned, but always be vigilant. Make sure you're dealing with your emotional issues by journalling about them, meditating, and engaging in other healthy habits.
To me, nofap is about chasing larger goals. In my case, online flirting would be a terrible waste of time and a very silly replacement for a porn addiction. They're actually quite similar. You can be the greatest porn addict but have little interest in actually having sex. And you can be the greatest dating app addict and have little interest in actually dating. Porn and online flirting are not evil by themselves, but they take a lot of time/energy and are not very fulfilling, are they?
The thing is, my main problem I felt while fapping was that I was exhausted the rest of the day and thats the same for sex. After sex I feel very exhausted and I also feel that my eyes are very tired and it's hard to keep them open. My last girlfriend was a nymphomaniac and I don't want to have as much sex as we had, but I couldn't refuse it to her because she would be not happy with that. We often had 2 or 3 times a day sex and for me it had been enough if we would have two times a week. The problem is really that if I would stop the online dating, I don't feel good. I don't know why but the last 3 weeks I tried to stop the online dating but very fast I felt emptiness. I just sat at home and don't want to do anything. I went to my weekly dancing and playing soccer but that was it, besides I just watched YouTube, listening to music and felt bad... I already tried focus on person dating but it feel much harder as you said. In the last year while dating I often went to nightclubs and stuff like that, but I feel I'm not that type of person who get a women there. I had often some short nice chats with girls at nightclubs but the girls at my hometown are very social closed (locked) and often they refuse with "I already have a boyfriend" or something like that, even if it's not true. And while doing online dating, my target is it to meet the girls I write with as soon as possible. I just don't want to waste to much time with only writing. If I recognize the girl will never want to meet me, I just drop her. I don't know what to do with my time then. I don't have long time fun with something. Or is it just like a type of flatline and I will get fun with other stuff later? And the thing I maybe recognized that maybe the next girl I get from online dating, I shouldn't do the sex part after 1 to 3 dates. Like I said, I haven't felt anything for any women I had the last year. There wasn't any feelings while my last relationship but after we broke up and decided to be friends we were just cuddling and thats the point where the feelings begun to rise... Maybe I should try it without sex the next time and just cuddling and kissing at the beginning, and maybe explain the whole thing to her first. I think then I could develop some feelings, what do you think?
Yeah so that's clearly a sign that you're addicted to online dating. All you've done with porn is swapped it out with the apps you're using. The reason you feel empty is because the stimulus that is providing enough dopamine for you to feel normal has been taken away. You are addicted to it bro, simple as that. You have to cut it out. Of course it's harder that's the point. That's why it's so much more rewarding. That's why it's so much more fulfilling. They're not saying they have boyfriends because they're socially closed, they're saying it because you aren't good enough yet. Simple fix. Go out more. Talk to more people. If there aren't enough people then move to a bigger city. That's what I did. It was the best decision of my life. You don't get it. You just don't fucking get it man. You are wasting your life when you don't get this shit handled. Instead you're having faux results through your online dating addiction. If you're getting laid often from online dating then the only issue is that you just aren't practiced enough in nightclubs. Get that fucking practice. "I'm not that type of person who gets women there." What a pathetic excuse bro. You're better than that. Step the fuck up. You're just using these women as fleshlights. You don't care about them. This is pathological behaviour born of your addiction. Stop fooling yourself. You are better than this.
The longer you continue using online dating for relationshipless sex the worse and worse things will get for you. Brother no one can do that and maintain a healthy mind don't take it personally nor think you are the only one doing it
It happens to all of us. Our main goal as human is to plant our seed. After you have sex the job is done. Your hole body need to take a deserved rest. If you do it several times in a short period of time you will be exausted, the same thing that happens after fapping a lot. If you just wanted to have sex 2 time a week you should stand up for yourself and tell her that, she is the one with the nymphomaniac "problem". It´s not your job to fix it or tolerate it. If she is not happy with less sex is their problem, not yours. You can met half way if you want to work it out but don´t you better find a girl as good a her but who have less sex drive?
I absolutely agree with this. You're just not a good match. There's no anger about that, there's no attack. You just aren't meant for each other. Be happy you figured it out when you did, wish them the best, and move on to find someone more in line with who you are.
But as I wrote, I think I can try it again to meet a woman just don't rush into sex. Because all the time I met those women, we soon have had sex. But in the last month I tried to just cuddle with my last girlfriend where I haven't had any feelings while we had a relationship. We just were friends at this point but suddenly some feelings began to grow. So maybe next time I just should enjoy cuddling with her and just after a longer amount of time switch to sex? Yes that was the problem in this relationship. I don't have much practice in having a relationship and I first thought that it's usual to do things you don't like for your partner. But then I just recognized how bad it is for me and that I can't do it over a long period of time, thats why we both decided it makes no sense. That wasn't the only reason but one of the biggest. For the future I know that I shouldn't do it if she don't accept my opinion to something.
You're definitely on to something here. The thing about this addiction is that sex is too easy to get. There is little effort in it. Even with online dating all you really have to do is swipe right, chat a bit, get her on a date, and take her home. That's certainly not, "easy," but it's definitely too convenient. That's why I've been so adamant about going to nightclubs and social events. It's far, far harder. You have to earn your pleasure. Don't be draconian in your application of this statement, but, if something pleasurable was too easy for you to get, that is a big red flag for addictive behaviour. Not always, definitely, absolutely true...but true enough to be cautious. The reason you're developing feelings for this girl again is because you've confused lust with love. You want affection and you think you'll get that through casual sex. You aren't having meaningful relationships with women. When you finally get even a little bit of affection, you start having feelings for a girl that has already proven a bad match for you. Learn how to find and attract women are actually a good match for you, and create a healthy, affectionate system with them. However, and most importantly, realize that the only person you need affection from is yourself. A narcissist is made because they cannot love themselves. Seriously. It's the paradox of narcissism. They may seem like they're so confident and so in love with themselves, but deep down they're all extremely wounded and are dealing with a lot of shame. Their self-love is a deluded farce because they've had to create this grandiose, larger than life persona in order to get affection from other people. At some point in their lives they weren't given enough love and they learned if they acted a certain way they got love and attention from other people. That's why narcissists tend to surround themselves with adoring fans. They're hungry for that love and attention and will do anything, sometimes even criminality, to get it. By trying to get love from other people, you create a very pathological system. You have to start loving yourself before anyone else can truly love you.
