There is a well known law about addiction, that was created for chemical substance addictions but, IMO, also applies to porn. “Administration of a drug to an addict will cause reestablishment of chemical dependence upon the addictive substance.” Adapted to porn, it would be something like: "Viewing of porn by a porn addict will cause reestablishment of the behavioral dependence upon porn." Long term addicts have addiction so hard-coded in their brains that it will never go away completely. The passing of time helps your brain re-code itself but it never forgets the addiction's code completely. And that, is the real problem. Lets face the truth: saying that it's all right to be in contact with your addiction now and then, when you want to become a non-addict is bullshit. That is like saying "I can sniff a bit of cocaine now and then during the process of getting rid of my cocaine addiction." I know that if I smoke a cigarette I'll be back to my old smoking habits in no time. I can never take a puff again. So, why is it proving so hard to overcome porn addiction? When I was quitting smoking, I read an article written by a psychologist who made and excellent point. He said something like "to the addict, addiction is perceived as value." It is true. We engage in addictive behaviors because we fell we get something positive out of it, usually a sense of relief from something that is causing us distress, like depression, stress, problems, anxiety, loss, etc. The fact that we know that the addiction causes us harm too is not enough to counterbalance our perception that we are withdrawing something genuinely positive from it. I got rid of my smoke addiction when I truly realized that the positive things that I believed I was getting from smoking a cigarette - momentary relief from stress, etc. - were only an illusion created by the addiction itself. Once I stopped fooling myself, it was fairly easy to get rid of my smoking addiction. So why can't I do the same with porn? Because porn involves a feeling of sexual gratification and sex is meant to be something very pleasurable to human beings. Unlike smoking, which is not a "natural" behavior, sex is actually ingrained in our brains and so is the pleasure we derive from it. The survival of the species depends on it. It is extremely difficult to say to oneself: "if I quit porn I won't be giving up on something genuinely gratifying". An orgasm is pleasurable and gratifying by nature. So, now what? Unlike some fellow members of the forum, I don't believe orgasm is part of the problem. The problem is the way we achieve it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with experiencing an orgasm with your girlfriend or wife. Quite the contrary. Sex with a real person with whom we have a meaningful relationship with can actually be therapeutical. There are several studies that demonstrate this. It is orgasm through "artificial" means like the Internet that is problematic. Is this the answer to my problem? No, it is not. I'm still struggling with my addiction. However, I won't fool myself any longer. I'll probably relapse again but from now on, as long as I do, I'll know that it is still my addiction that controls me.
it's mostly to escape stress from finances. if i didn't need so much money to pay my slavers i would have 90% less stress.
Financial stress is a major depressor. I once sank into a serious depression due to financial problems. Your example shows clearly that addictions are tied to the need of relieving emotional discomfort.
i wouldnt say worse but i think it definetely has its diffuculties that other addictions dont have. Our sex drives are natural, its not something we can escape. The issues that we need to work on is what to do with our sex drive. We can choose to either be in a loving relationship or watch filthy videos. The choice is yours my brothers!
Very good points. I'd just like to add some thoughts on the subject of pain, be it emotional, physical or mental. The thing is that life has it's ups and downs and is bloody painful sometimes. It's on us to accept that fact and learn to accept life on life's term. Viviene Greene once wrote: "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain." One can't change the fact that he or she will suffer, there's no escape, that's life, the only thing one can have control over is how he/she responds to the suffering. As addicts we were masters of hiding from negative emotions and numbing the pain. But the truth is, you can't run away or numb the pain forever. It will keep coming back stronger and stronger. So the only solution to the problem is to stop running away and face it. I really believe that the key to breaking out of addiction is to embrace the pain in advance accepting that it cannot be avoided and in next step is trying to deal with it. By accepting the suffering, the pain loses it's power over you and you're in much better position to start healing.
@Fenix Rising Excellent post! I wholeheartedly agree with you. Also loved the quote from Viviene Greene. So true. We must learn to be with our pain and accept that life will always have pain associated with it.
I agree. Porn addiction presents unique challenges because, as you said, sex drives are natural in every species. They are actually necessary to preserve the species. I believe that this is what sets porn apart from other addictions. Also, in today's society, we need the internet to communicate and to work and that is a major problem. It is like trying to quit drinking while having to go to a bar everyday. I know that if I could just unplug the Internet and live without it, it would definitely help. Any former alcoholic will tell you that the first step to quit drinking is to stay away from booze. No alcoholic who truly wants to quit enters a bar in the early stages of his recovery. However, we have to plug ourselves to the internet everyday to carry on with our lives.
Great post @rideronastorm. Good points. I think porn is so difficult because it is a sex addiction and sex is and always should be a part of a healthy life. Having sex with ourselves to images on the internet is not part of a healthy life. Food is an essential part of life. Eating nutritious balanced meals will always be part of living a healthy life. Binge eating junk food will never be part of a healthy life. Sex and food addictions will always be so hard because sex and food are so vital to a fulfilling human life. It’s always going to be a struggle because like you said those pathways become so hard wired. So I think it takes understanding within your self that porn is destroying you mentally, emotionally, and physically and just like substance addictions it has stop.
