Really. It is amazing how strong the urge can be even three weeks later to look at porn. Here it is, normal Saturday morning; coffee, oatmeal, chillin, wife downstairs, and...BAM, brain says "hey, lets go look at some p**sy, and some people forking, it would be awesome!!!!" This is one of my normal times to look, well, any time I was on the computer was a normal time to look and bookmark, and save and prepare for the big PMO. Still, though, three weeks in and Damn that urge hit hard. I fought it, and decided to post instead, so thanks for listening.
Thanks for the support. Having an interesting time at the moment. Wife is gone, house to myself. End of stressful week at work. This is my first true test to stay away from the junk. Luckily there is plenty to do around the house today. My main problem is the time wasted with porn, and the way it twisted my brain. MO without porn is not something I will reset for, but still am curious what the effects of not doing that are as well. Good luck on your part, too. Not on the computer as much any more, but message me if you need some extra support. I like your meditation ideas, I have been looking into that as well. Plus, getting back into martial arts seems much more enticing now that I am getting clean.
Well, I made it. Threw on some music and started cleaning. My wife has friends over this eve, so house needed cleaning while she was getting groceries and cooking. I had plans to go out with some friends tonight, but they both flaked. Unfortunate, but oh well, it doesnt usually happen. Any way, cleaning helped, and even managed not to MO or even edge. I have noticed that I pay more attention to my wife, as my mind is not so cluttered by porn, kinda reduces options, I guess. This is a good thing. Part of the reason I got addicted to porn was that as soon as the "honeymoon phase" was over, frequency of sex declined. Porn was already a part of the game, but I now notice a correlation between use of porn going up, and intimacy/sex going down. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, so maybe this might help that situation as well. One thing at a time tho. I have decided that once I get used to being pornfree, then I will start pressing that issue a bit, or maybe the natural transition will happen. Just have to see, I guess. I think I have decided to tell her about the addiction, and the solution, now that there is one. So I guess this would pose a question; Any one else out there married? If so has anyone told them about the addiction? Did they know anyway? Has anyone told them about the challenge to quit? How far into the challenge did you tell? What was the reaction? Also, did, anyone turn to porn for the same reasons I did? Ok, so that was several questions. I would be interested to hear thoughts.
Regarding "sex frequency down due to honeymoon effect over" leading to "more PMO"... you should consider carefully if that is the true cause-effect relation or sequence. Or if it was that you were never really able to fully connect with your wife (be it due to PMO already going on, or because you simply never found out how) and then when "honeymoon magic" was no longer there to keep things going, the sex frequency feel down to the "natural" level that matches the amount of connection, emotional intimacy and (lack of?) gender polarity. Anyway, interesting that you have observed that you pay more attention to her now. Keep at it, and do something about it. And I wouldn't be surprised if the sex frequency goes up then (perhaps with a few weeks delay). I'd just see if it happens "on its own", before taking it up as an "issue" with her. If I was doing that experiment, I would also wait on telling her about my addiction and the challenge. For the experiment - see how much this thing alone changes - without alerting her in other ways.
DickoryDoc, First sentence, Awesome insight. And followed perfectly. PMO has been a part of my life since I found my first mag at age 12, but it was always just occasional(mags and vids aren't as easy view, and not as plentiful as online P) When dial up internet became available, and I got my first laptop, it was during a previous relationship, that I now wonder how much online PMO had to do with that one not ending well. So.. Yes, sequence and cause-effect is definitely something I will be pondering. And you are right. I do plan to keep up the extra attention, I find that I rather enjoy it again, even touches and flirting and now I don't expect it to lead to instant sex(as it might in porn I suppose).(Hmm..I think I just learned something as I was writing this, cool.) Yes I think I am planning to just see what happens, I think it will be better that way. And, thanks for your advice on waiting to tell, I like that "see how much this thing alone changes - without alerting her in other ways". Thanks for your advice, and honestly, at first glance the start of the second paragraph, I was a bit upset. BUT, that alerted me that there might be truth in it. I re-read it and found that there is truth there. Thank you so much, there is more to ponder there as well.
Added note. We are just a few days from our anniversary. My original goal was just to make it till then, now, just in the changes I have felt and the insights I have gained, I extended it to the first of next year. Going to be an interesting rest of year. Thanks all.
Thanks. message me too if you need extra support. If/when you do tell her, be ready for how much it will hurt. To her, it might seem like you've been cheating on her. She'll evaluate her own attractiveness in comparison to what she imagines you've looked at. Don't tell her any specific details of what you were into either. Just that you have been struggling, and tell her the steps you're taking so she knows you're serious. Be prepared for it to be very painful for her. Congrats on your anniversary too
Findinglife...Damn. Had to let that post sink in a bit. Thanks, I had not really thought the whole thing through from that perspective. I know she knows I have been 'using', as a porn site was pinned on my add a page in firefox, but I dont think she knows how much I went to that one and others. I began to realize the gravity of the situation when I constantly had a 'private' page open and had to up my data package several times in a month from all the vids. I have been so excited about everything I just figured she would be to. Who knows, could go either way. Thanks for the perspective. I will let it ride a bit till I heal more, and to see how our relationship might redevelop. Thanks for the congrats. I am excited about the anniversary again this year.
Stay strong triballion, it sounds like you are on a good path, and I think there is A TON to be gained - in terms of intimacy, connection, friendship, pleasure, and companionship - from giving up the P. I think it can really twist our brains in ways that we can have a hard time understanding.
Thanks climbxam, I agree. My brain already feels less cloudy, and I don't look at women the same. I am seeing my wife through different eyes, and women in general don't have quite the same pull. I notice I look people in the eyes a lot more already, and am remembering faces. It will be interesting to note the other subtle changes that happen in life.
HAHAHHAHA... I lol'ed after reading this. I think it's totally normal to have these thoughts pop up into your head. What is not normal is our inability to control ourselves from looking at P. That's what noFap cures. It improves your ability to acknowledge those thoughts, laugh about it, and continue living life. Congrats on your accomplishments so far!
I always come to question what I was thinking just before I thought it was OK to watch porn, knowing full well where that leads me. I use fantasy in the same way I use viewing, in the same way I use porn--some kind of distraction or relief from whatever it is that I am feeling. If I can back up sometimes, I can find it. Sometimes I can't and I have to rely on my knowledge that watching/fapping has NEVER brought me through anything or closer to anything. It is a momentary drug hit. And then I am back where I started. No, it's easier to stay with the feeling, good or bad.
