I've been in P recovery since late 2013 (attend 2-3 SAA meetings a week). I've had decent time off from P, but only using M as a crutch. Tonight will be the first time I've hit double digit days from P OR M. 10 days. It's rougggggggh. As you all know! :} I think the biggest difference now, for the first time, is that I have FAITH that SAA or NoFap or whatever else I can throw into the kitchen sink...works if I just TRUST that it can work. When that potent pull to "act out" comes, and these days, it comes in waves, I'm lucky that I am able to REMEMBER that NoFap/SAA/other DOES actually work if you put it into practice. Before, I just went through the motions and white knuckled. Or from time to time, had good (sometimes great) personal/spiritual breakthroughs. But inevitably, I'd just say "oh look, I have x number of days, I guess it is inevitable I slip...and then I'd will myself to slip). We often convince ourselves we can't do it, when we a 'fiending' for our hit. That low point where doubt multiplies and grows louder. Where I'd just say "shit, "I NEED the stuff", "I CANT survive without the stuff" or I'll do it this time, and then go back to my time afterwards and try again. But today at least, I'll hit 10 days. And I'll hit 10 days having spent a better part of 120 waking hours saying "give this program a chance...don't believe the lies your brain is telling you...you'll do M/P and 5 seconds later, shake your head and have gotten nothing out of it". I've begun to see the difference between the mirage and the lie...is no difference at all. 10 days. Jeff
Nice one! And congratulations. I can rely.. everything starts with how we think of ourselves, and if we belive something is doable, then we can do it. Even stuff we didn't think was possible..
Sorry folks. Got 10.0 and then PMO'd. Got back on the horse and am looking to hit 10 again in 10 days. :}
I think that's totally the right spirit. You will probably get more and more used to staying without PMO the more you work on it and the old pattern will just wear out by itself. To persistently keep trying is the road to success. I remember way back when, when I was trying to quit smoking, and I think it took my like a hundred attempts or so until I finally broke through and actually cut it out completely. Happy to hear you're back on it !
Thx, Matthew. Plus, in the past, when I've lost my time, I've usually "taken advantage" of the lapse and PMO'd more than once, knowing I'd be starting time again anyway. But this time, I resisted doing that. PMO'd once, and went right back to starting time.
