I joined this community to abstain from this parasitic habit. I really believed that I could do it (back then) and made it to 12 days on my first attempt. It broke me down a little when I relapsed but I decided to get back up. It took me another like 5 or 6 months to reach the double digits again. That was incredible and my all time best, 14 days. Since then I've never reached double digits again. My personal best this year is 5 days. I've been trying so long, been fighting for so long that now I'm really tired. I am at a point where I can trade anything just to end the pain. That mind numbing pain. I am not even sure if I have any strength left. But, there is only one thing that I know, I will not give up!
I'm sorry you're in pain. I know all too well how that goes. I realize now that this addiction is what has caused my life to be where it is. I always attributed it to health issues and mental health. But I believe a good chunk of that now is a result of this addiction, granted I did have mental health problems before my porn addiction. It's really tough to try to remain positive and disciplined when you feel that there is little hope. I completely identify with that. I guess it's a blessing that we have this forum, and that we can at least reach out to one another for support. I think we all deserve to give ourselves a pat on the back for at least being on here and trying.
You need a new plan. What you have been doing so far is not working. If hasn't worked in the past, why would it work in the future? Do you have a recovery plan or are you just trying to "white knuckle" it?
That's probably one reason you're struggling. Have a real good think about why you're doing this, be totally honest about what you're going to achieve. Write it down to crystallize it, either in person or on this forum. And good luck!
Desperate times require desperate measures. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is definition of insanity. It's time to make a clear cut and big change in your life. Can you afford to just "disappear" for 30 days? If yes, go totally off-grid for a month. Pack your backpack and walk some long distance trail. Just walk for 6, 8, 10 hours a day for a month… as much as your body allows you to. Take some paper books with you. Something meaningful and reflective to read. Read them on the way when you feel like it. I fancy taking mini bible and Dyker's interpretation of Tao de Jing with me (Dr. Wayne Dyer Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life) but it's really up to you. Just walk, no shame, no regret, focus on the present moment and just let it be. Apply only one rule, NO ELECTRONIC DEVICES. The only thing you can bring with you is old fashioned phone without internet connection. You'll see how much easier it will be to resist cravings and the best thing of it is you'll get through acute withdrawal symptoms without even noticing. You'll "unknowingly" practice celibacy for a whole month. You won't be "healed" of addiction after 30 days but you'll have a brilliant foundations to build upon.
What are the antecedents to relapse? Do you be struggling for long or is it a sudden giving in to an urge? Before you relapse do you make a decision to give in? What else could you do at these moments of decision?
I daydream a lot and sometimes I relapse just to get rid of those daydreams. I daydream an extreme amount of time. I also relapse when I'm bored, or when I feel stressed or tensed about something, Because relapses makes me numb and it also just makes it worse. Though I don't feel it, the problem still exist. To be absolutely honest, I relapse as soon as I get the urge. Sometimes I relapse without even having an urge. There are times when my body tells me not to do it, but i still force myself to do it. Perhaps I could have done my work. It's been more than 10 months since I have done any work, I just don't feel like doing it.
I did that. I went to travel alone. I went to a remote place for 2 months where I was almost completely isolated from the world. It just made it worse for me. I went there to just take a break from this world.But I used to relapse every single day, and I thought I might go insane, as I was living all alone and I only had a TV and a keypad phone. The people there speak a different language, though they could also understand the language I speak. It was no less than hell for me. I don't even feel like thinking about it let alone wonder about the things I did wrong out there. It was not a very pleasant experience, well, I know I did many things wrong, still. Well, I'll consider what you told. And Thanks.
Just being alone for so long doing nothing would make 99.9% of us go "crazy". The worst thing you can do is to be an addict and alone with nothing to do. I'm not talking about doing nothing. I'm talking about waking up at 6, 7 am in a hostel, camp site, eating your breakfast and walking 20-40km until you reach another hostel, camp site. Talking and walking with strangers on the road in the hostels/camps, sharing your thoughts with them on the road… Travelling alone, doesn't have to be lonely experience. You'll still have plenty of solitude down the road to reflect on your life, but there is no need force it. In fact when I do solo hikes I seek company when there is opportunity of communication with others. When I come to cities I usually sit in crowded streets, order a coffee and just look at people going their own ways. If I feel like talking, I sit at the bar and start conversation with bartender. They usually get very interested in you, because they see you're a hiker and want to know where are you from, where are you going, why are you doing the walk etc. Lots of them tell you they wish they could do the same plus you get honest recommendations where to eat, what to see, invitations etc. You just have to relax, go with a flow and enjoy whatever road brings next.
I mean it more as an expression of agency. The acceptance that it is your decision every time. The power of control is critical in the ability to stop. Every time it is your decision. Every time weigh up your longing. Every time acknowledge your addiction. Every time choose the harder road.
I just made a long post on this same question https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/how-to-stop-binging.253406/#post-2277836
