I've lost faith in me my word means nothing... Countless times I've said I won't PMO and yet I did it. I know the negative effects and still do it. Urge comes sometimes I may resist it but other times the autopilot just turns on and boom before I know it I'm stroking to fetish porn. IDK just IDK....
It might help to go somewhere for a detox, just to get through the first days. i don't know what your religious background is or where you stay, but i can recommend a ten day meditation training that helped me a lot (not a magic bullet approach, just an added tool in the nofap toolbox!) check out www.dhamma.org And the most important thing is to not beat yourself down, there are millions like you that try and fight it and fail, those who keep on trying will eventually succeed. i have also had many unsuccessful attempts but today i'm 28 days clean. just for today. see if you can go to SLAA/SA meetings find a buddy/sponsor close to you that you can call. Read your brain on porn (available from yourbrainonporn.com), if you can an in depth meditation course can give you a kick start into this transformation process.
@fapequalsdeath It is completely natural and okay to fail. Especially when dealing with an addiction. Trust me, it is alright. I've said it a thousand times as well that I will not do it ever again. And here I am standing, failing and failing. But I'm not giving up. That's the catch. It doesn't matter if you'll fail a thousand times more, you will stop eventually if you really want to. The only thing that matters when you're battling against an addiction is how badly you want to end it. I guess it works in pretty much everything. Don't beat yourself down. I've been here for almost a week and I feel like it is a big step into my recovery. Please read the above words carefully and all the messages you receive from the other users, try to see their positive side. And remember, when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on in the first place. If you need someone to chat with, I'm here.
@fapequalsdeath, what @KlausK said is true, we are human beings and not programmed machines, failing is something that everyone do, but those who learn a lesson out of it succeed in the end.. you should take positives out of it.. just note down your trigger and try to avoid or eliminate it.. stay strong.. and remember 'no one is perfect'
I've tried meditation but it simply cannot replace the urge because I cannot do it 24/7. My longest streak was 8 days and been relapsing ever since max 1-2 days clean. With every relapse I feel weaker and out of control. It seems nearly impossible to stay clean unless I strap myself to a bed or go live as a monk in the woods. I know I shouldn't beat myself up but when the urge strikes it';s something I must itch. I may ignore it for a while by doing kegels, meditation or something painful to distract myself but it still comes again and again until I succumb. Freaking horrible...
This is a good old post: http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/permission-to-fail.2532/#post-14925 The stuff he says about 'tenkan' I have found really useful.
You keep going bro. You stop beating yourself up about relapsing and learn the lesson from it that you were meant to learn. Then you take that lesson and move forward. All of us has failed a lot before we finally started our real streaks. I've been at it for two plus months now and I'm just now understanding how I'm meant to do this. You can do this man. The only way you truly fail is if you give up and lose faith in yourself.
@fapequalsdeath haven't you realised your triggers yet? if you've done so, haven't you done anything to eliminate them? ask yourself and you will get your answer why are you failing. Today is my 13th day in a row in 2nd attempt. In my 1st attempt, i failed on 6th day bcoz of some reasons. but, after that relapse I became more stronger as I identified one more trigger and eliminated it completely. If you are facing any difficulty, feel free to ask, everyone is very supportive here. and find an AP if you need. wishing you luck and loads of it...
