Hey there , i need help

Hello, there addicted to digital sex (porn, cam,etc..) .
I am a guy 26 y .o, virgin, and for 10 years I've been masturbating (consistently for 3 years; every day) lately I started masturbating on cam and got worse; it makes feel sick, cause I get compliments from girls about my body and can't get the real thing.
in general, porn literally ruined my life, I'm depressed, I don't go out and hang out with friends for 6 or 7 months now (i got other life problems, caused mainly by porn I assume);
my life now is a mess, didn't graduate, got no job, no one to be intimate with and love, i lost a lot of weight which is not healthy .. I have suicide thoughts (it feels so convenient and would solve everything but I won't do it, my family and friends will be damaged) , my friends and family support me , they do their best but it just doesn't work, they say am good looking, smart, talented ... but for me, none of it matters cause I see myself as a failure, a piece of sh*t, weak and afraid...
I want to change , I wasnt like this before .. I want to be able to support myself financially and be productive, have a girl that I care about not only for sex (honestly) and above all stop worrying my parents and make them proud.
so please nofappers, I trust you, I call your help, if u can guide me or help with any of the above, I'll be appreciative my whole life.
ps: I know you would advise me to see a psychiatrist but before that, I want to try to do it by myself.