I’ve fallen off....

Do you have an emergency plan for such events? If not, you should have one. Relapses are part of recovery and you should know what to do in case of a slip in advance. Here is my emergency plan, maybe you find something useful in it for when writing your own:

Plan in case of a slip

I like to keep plan simple. All my relapses have happened in front of my computer so I have only 2 rules:

1) A) If I open porn related website -> B) I immediately unplug PC power cord (and stay away from the PC for the rest of the day)

I have always prepacked backpack in the case of lapse happening:

2) B) In the case of lapse (=one time MO or PMO) -> C) I immediately take my backpack and go for a 2-3 days hike to prevent lapse becoming full blown relapse

I didn't need to use second rule yet, but I decided that if lapse happens and I implement second rule, I don't have to reset counter if there isn't another lapse following inside the next 3 months period. I came to this conclusion after reading this article how to avoid shame and guilt cycle from ruining progress you've made -> https://www.smartrecovery.org/stopping-a-slip-from-becoming-a-relapse/

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"So does this mean that even a brief lapse must lead to a full-blown relapse? Does it mean a person must continue to drink or drug until the use returns to the initial level? Is spiraling out of control inevitable? Simply put, no. A lapse need not become a relapse. After a slip, you have not unlearned all that you have learned. You have not unchanged all that you have changed in your life to support your recovery. You do not have to start counting again from day one.

If you view your lapse as a mistake and as a product of external triggers, rather than as a personal failure, research shows that you will have a much better chance of return to abstinence quickly. Your lapse becomes a tool to move forward and to strengthen your motivation to change, your identification of triggers and urge-controlling techniques, your rational coping skills, and the lifestyle changes needed to lead a more balanced life."

 

Sounds like your head is in a different place now if you can't even do a day, you've lost something in your determination that you had at the beginning of your good streak, if you posted at the beginning of that streak go back and get into that frame of mind again and add on what you've learned from the relapses.

 

The problem with relapse is once you start its difficult to stop again. For me, I have to get it all out of my system, feel disgusted with myself and then go again.

 

That's why I have implemented plan B. I have always prepacked backpack in the case of lapse happening. There is no time to think when you slip (PMO). Dopamine rush is too good to let you off the hook after long abstinence. You will do it again, again and again. That's why you need to plan in advance so all you have to do is execute it, if slip happens. I have a packed backpack always prepared 200 bucks in it. I just call my boss, tell him I have an emergency, so I won't come to work for 3 days (we have an agreement on that), locked the door and go on a train.

 

Not a bad plan for now, but might be harder to do it during the winter months.

 

Personally, I know I have to go internet free. Already got rid of my PC, and will get rid of my smartphone in the next few days. Its a hard decision, but one I've got too make.

 

It's an example of a plan. You don't have to adopt it for yourself. More to the point is you should have a plan of your own.

I like the idea and will draft one for myself now.

1. Tell someone immediately - via phone call - text/email not good enough.
2. Make plan with that person for moving forward.
3. Tell my wife before 24 hours has passed.
4. Go to 12 step meeting ASAP