Please help me. someone who has beatin this thing

Being angry about it isn't enough. Wanting to stop isn't enough. Are you prepared to do what's necessary to stop?

 

Put porn blockers on your pc. K9 is pretty good with that.
Put porn blockers on all other electronic devices. If you're an apple user u can control that with restriction under options. Have a friend or family member set the password so that you can't break into it. That was huge for me.

Have some accountability. Talk to a friend you can trust about it, your mom or dad, brother or sister, even girlfriend. You are an addict. It is impossible for you to quit by yourself. Reach out to the ones you love for help and admit that YOU NEED HELP. it is embarrassing but if they love you they will help you.

 

Oh and once an addict, always an addict. We will never "beat this thing". It only gets to a manageable point where urges can be controlled.

 

What are you doing currently? What lead to the relapse? What are your triggers? Why do you have access to a computer in a private space?

You know what addiction hates? Connection. Like the others have said, get help, reach out. Addicts die in isolation. It's why we are all here. To fight this beast together. We are here for you but you are the one who has to decide and work it.

 

When you're done beating yourself up, try and turn it around. Positive reinforcement is key.
Set yourself a goal. How about 1 day? You can do 24 hours. Get that one day done, pat yourself on the back and say "I didn't watch porn today!" Feel good about it.
Once you reach that milestone, go for three days. And so on.

Be sure that we all started out feeling like the biggest losers on earth. Seriously. That's how most of us began. So we all know how you feel. But then we realized that we were not alone, and slowly, a new day dawned.

Come and join us.

 

It took me a year and 4 months to make it to 30 days in a row. Although I made the decision to quit it took me that long to finally work up to quitting for 30 straight days. In that time I went back and forth, I had binges and abstinence, I blocked the internet on my phone, ipad, computer, and work computer. Sometimes that wasn't enough. I talked to people about it. I told both of my brothers. I told girls I dated. I read books, articles, watched youtube videos on the topic. I changed the way I slept. I changed my diet and exercised more. I took cold showers (a surprisingly helpful thing, don't underestimate them) I flirted with the idea of seeing escorts. I thought about cutting out the internet completely from my life. I was almost going to do that. I went to a counselor and that was the turning point. It took another 6 weeks to make the 30 day commitment but, seeing a counselor probably sped me ahead by a year. One year in 4 sessions.... it was worth it to me. When I finally became consistent with nofap it helped me tremendously too. I have a place where I can spend (digital) time with people who understand what else I'm going through. They know why I beat myself up, they know what it feels like to make it a week straight, they know what it's like to relapse.

The path isn't always linear. I didn't post my year long struggle because I was embarassed. I isolated myself and isolation is the worst thing for this addiction I'd say. The more I exposed myself and became vulnerable (it takes a lot of strength to be honest with people) and honest with myself and others the better it became. The more I connected with others the better it got. This is what I did. Some people need more, some people need less.

IMO the MOST important thing is to make the absolute decision to quit. You may not be able to do 30 days right away. I couldn't. I couldn't do it to save my life. Now I'm at 33 and I feel like I could make another 10 easily. I feel like I could go on indefinetly. But there always the danger that I will go back.

Make the decision. Fix everything in your life that you have to in order to not go back. Sometimes this will be a physical change, sometimes mental, emotional, or spiritual. The more you know, the better off you are.

Good luck.

If you need an AP just send me a message.

 

@leemac You also need to make a change in your mind. Make a decision to quit, commit to it, and execute to that commitment.

K9 is useless unless you are 100% commited.

 

In addition to the excellent advice that people have given you here, I would say to use your anger. Not in a self derogatory way, but as a tool to drive you forward..
Getting a bit lazy in installing k9? remember how angry relapsing made you and use that to motivate you. If you get cravings that make you want to relapse? remember how angry relapsing made you and use that to take a cold shower/do pushups.
As long as the anger is not directed toward you and your self worth, it can become a great tool (at least in the beginning) to get you over the first hurdles.

Also - I've been exactly where you are man. I had an incident where I relapsed and I couldn't get it up for my girlfriend. Except that she found out why and we had the conversation where I had to admit to it.

Worst. feeling. ever.

She was pissed but understanding at the same time. And that made it even worse because I couldn't believe she still wanted to be with me.
I got past it man and so will you. But you have to take the steps your fellow fapstronaughts have outlined and push past the shitty feelings.