**first off, i'm sorry for the long post, this is the first time im getting all of this out of my head, and i guess i kinda unloaded it all..seconed, excuse my english for mistakes, it isn't my native language** Hello everyone, my first time here. I have used porn for a long time, since i was thirteen. most of the time it was within normal range. even if daily, it wouldnt affect my life really and i lived peacfully with porn. this all started to change maybe three years back. it didn't happen over night, and it took me quiet sometime to realise i have a problem. at first i was just using way more porn. i was in the army back then, not coming home much to see my gf, and i thought it was ok. she knew i occasionally watch porn and that was fine. time gone by, we moved in together, and long story short we get to almost three month back from now. me and my gf are both college students (we are 24 years old). i had experienced some personal diffuclties in school regarding what im doing with my life, and was in a lot of frustration. the easy solution to relieve the stress and not thinking about it was porn. i spent more and more time watching, but at some point watching just wasn't enough. thats when i discovered sex chats. i started off hesitant, but quickly enough i was drowning with no control. it included mostly sending porn to other people and some cyber sex. never anything personal, no photos or names. it became a real problem now. i knew what i was doing is wrong, but i kept relapsing into it, not able to think clear. i got blinded by the addiction. after two month, and after i couldn't study because of porn, there was a night where i was alone in the apartment. i couldnt get myself to sleep till 2am, obssesing over the chat. when i was done, i felt disgusting. it was horrible. couldn't sleep the whole night, thinking of what have i become. that was almost three weeks ago, and i havn't watched any porn since. im counting days now. my learning abilitןies improved drastically. my mind has gotten clear. and now i realise what a shitty partner i was doing so. i love my gf, and i see real future with her. she is the best thing ever happned to me, and I hurt her, disrespected her. she dosn't know anything right now, but im filled with guilt, shame and remorse. i swore myself i would never do it again. no more porn for me. its a struggle. how do i carry on from here? should i tell her? should i keep my mouth shut, never do it again and keep living my life? i dont even know if i can...i really nead help
If you see a future with her, and you seriously want to come out from this addiction the ONLY way to really start recovery is to tell her and come out of the dark if your addiction. If you decide to still quit porn and not tell her and do this recovery in secret , sure you may be able to not act out for a while. But eventually since you are still holding onto secrets, shame, and lies and you're still in the dark you will eventually cave in and go back in. If you want to truly recover and really have a fighting chance at beating this addiction. You need to be open, and honest with her . I promise you that this will be one of the hardest things you will have to do . And it will almost definitely hurt her alot. But if you really do see a future and you respect her. You need to respect the fact that she needs to know everything about you. Eventually , after the initial shock and anger from your GF, you may be surprised that you just told her your deepest darkest secrets and she still wants to be with you and she accepts you for you. You need to tell her. Be courageous, and go through the waves of hurt and anger with her. Let her feel whatever she feels for however long she needs to feel whatever she's feeling. Good luck xo
I have been honest with my long-term partner (6 years) about wanting to use porn less and trying to abstain. That is about all we have talked about it and it was positive. She has caught me watching twice over our relationship and the way I could see it made her feel made me feel awful. Having this conversation was overall a positive experience, but some of the sex chat you are talking about might be much more difficult to accept, or be prepared for her not to accept it at all and walk away, but at least you were honest and open with integrity. If you want to talk more happy to message privately
Honesty is so important in a relationship. Just yesterday I was explaining to my man that when he lies he robs me of the opportunity to fall in love with him. When he lies, I can only love a false version of himself- the one he wants the world to see. If he truly loved me, he would know that he could come to me with the truth and I would always accept him. It’s the lies that are unacceptable. If you love this woman, give her the gift of allowing her to know the real you.
