I think i lost my way?

"Starting over is harder than starting up."
It keep stuck on my head as i writing this so imma put it there.

So, Hello.
Im not really a new user. I have an old account but i decided to make a new one as a sort of.. New chapter of my NoFap Journey. My battle has started three months ago, and it full of struggles. I have this Fap Watch application and it said that i have relapsed more than 30 times, very frustating.

I tried full NoFap mode, haven't got beyond 5 days.
I tried Lite mode, haven't got beyond 3 days.
I have meditated, so far i got 58 days run streak.
I have fell badly sick because of masturbation but always come back into it.

Im originally very optimistic and determined. But im just going to be very honest, im lost. My motivations felt like questioned as i keep falling, nearing the point where i was beforehand. I have to refind my way.

I dont feel like im getting stronger coming back here, like a protagonist determined to learn superpowers. But i rather feel like a lost person, trying to find my way back.

Im not looking for advice in this thread,
A little bit of a honest introduction (again) would be very lovely. So yeah,

Glad to be back.