Good to see you posting again brother it’s good you are opening your pandora box— like anything we don’t tell the worst bits first. I just want to say you can be much more than your lowest Denominator. One day at a time. Your posts and journal won’t match anyone else’s; you don’t become a new person in one day. Your expression is good for you, “ shave a habit off little by little.” If that’s what you can do, so do it with all your heart and mind.
You’re going to be okay pal, I know you can get overwhelmed from time to time, you’re gonna make it!!
At least you are being honest, which is progress. I guess some must do it on here even. Good luck mate.
When I was a teen me and a friend faked being an underage girl on public chat websites. When we got some contact info on the pervert we would tell them we were the cops and we scared the shit out of them. I recall one man who gave as his phone number after a quick google search we were able to get his address and name, we scared him shitless and we made him promise he won't chase underage girls anymore.
I got into this years ago. I'd make an account, have sex chat with a few men, delete after a few days and then make a new one after a while, and so on. When I found out that other men enjoyed roleplaying over chat I moved onto that because I felt guilty about deceiving people. I enjoyed playing with sex and gender in risk-free online spaces, but I don't have the desire to take it into the real world. For a long time now, porn and fantasy have been a burden instead of a fun exploration.
I had a experience like this, a girl suddently started chatting with me with very sexual intentions but I never thought of it as a woman and just ignored her. It turned out to be a real girl, she was weird.
You did, and no longer do. Think of it like it was your addiction pushing your limits and not your true self. Ive done worse things and i try to think of it that way, no harm done arter all, and youve realized your mistakes by yourself