Treat the Cause, Not the Symptom

I agree with you. I've noticed that the Nofap reddit has an increasing number of threads consisting of people whining
because apparently Nofap hasn't 'worked for them'. (Even though the Reddit disclaimer makes it clear that Nofap is not going to magically solve your problems)

Considering that PMO is really a symptom of negative thinking/ behaviours, I've written myself a load of New Year's resolutions, one of which is to give up PMO. However, to stop there isn't enough. I need to find myself a girlfriend, and work on my social skills.

Giving up PMO is a good start, but is no use on its own.

 

Fantastic post, DS. I agree with you completely. Quitting PMO should force you to face things that you would normally use PMO to escape from. Figure out why you previously tried to escape from somethig.

Was it boredom? Go out and do something! Get outside!

Were you angry or anxious about something? Face it! Stop running from it!

Thanks for the great post!

 

Fantastic post!

 

I totally agree we have to get to the roots but we must be prepared to really peel the layers back and discover not only the 'inner', but also the 'outer' influences that impact us FAR more than most of is are willing to even consider...

"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root." ~ Henry David Thoreau

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthre...-of-mind-control-(an-interesting-perspective)

 

I remember the trials for social anxiety/phobia in which the medical Mafia/pharmaceutical industry produce a chemical/drug (expensive and very profitable) and all they have to do to get it passed as a bona fide 'medical condition' is come up with a list of symptoms (for shyness/introversion both perfectly natural conditions were we not in a society that worships extroverts/ego) and when enough people tick the boxes on a questionairre etc they have legal grounds to get it classified via the appropriate bed-buddie authorities etc and Viola! We have a new disease AND just by chance the perfect drug with which to 'cure' it.

Its called problem reaction solution. You create a solution (say invading Iraq and stealing all their natural resources etc) but to 'impose' that you need to create a 'problem'(say 911) then with the publice 'reaction' of 'what are you going to do about this?!?!" you, who already have the solution can implement it in direct response to the (ssssh!!) 'problem' YOU created behind the scenes...works every time!!

And it worked with shyness which became a multi million pound industry.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/wo...hind-the-high-take-up-of-antidepressants.html

http://m.naturalnews.com/news/033881_health_care_profits.html

 

Outstanding post. I have to subscribe to the idea that porn and masturbation are just symptoms of a deeper emotional issue, and stopping them, aka nofap, treats only the effect and not the cause. I have realized that if I didn't have porn addiction I would have another form of addiction. Porn has become a relieve mechanism. Relieve from what and why do I feel the need to relieve myself, I cannot say. But for me nofap gave me the tools to do a proper introspection, to find out why I am the way I am am. I know that it's going to be a long process but I am looking forward to it.

 

I agree with you.
But that situation you described simply does not apply to me, and (I imagine) to most people here.
I have a girlfriend and lots of other girls to have sex with, but I'm having trouble with the real thing because of heavy porn usage.
And that's even more depressing: Having a load of girls available and not being able to perform.

 

I agree with some of your stuff, but other stuff conflicts with my experience.

For example, lack of sexual experience does not directly correlate with lack of social experience. I think I have plenty of social experience and long before Nofap I hung out with several friend circles along with my main friend circle who I am still in contact with (some of those friends I've had for 16+ years).

Plenty of girls have been interested in me too, but I always turned them down for reasons I never understood until I stumbled onto Yourbrainonporn.com. So I don't think it's fair to say being socially experienced equals being sexually experienced, the two things can definitely be distinct realms.

It's definitely true that PMO addiction is an emotional escape, and not just something we use when we're bored. Alcoholics don't say "I drank a lot because I'm bored". Porn addiction can mask some serious emotional obstructions to maturity. Once you move that obstruction, you grow beyond more than just sex.

Even if you are a virgin because of PMO addiction (I definitely am), it doesn't mean sex becomes your #1 priority. Some people choose to wait till marriage anyway. I'm an agnostic so I don't care if I do it or not, but I'm not trying to go out and hook up all the time. I think I need a nurturing relationship to be introduced into the world of relationships in general. Going head first into a one-night stand ain't so great of an idea...

Anyways, just challenging some of the points you bring up. Most of them hit home though, and are definitely true.

 

Great post, how do we get to the bottom of the problem though? i have been to my doctors 5 times now, explaining all about my addiction, i made them refer me to the community mental health team, but they couldn't offer me anything, just sent me away with some leaflets. How do we find out what it is that is driving our addiction? i truly believe there is something else mentally i have to do to get over this addiction but i don't even know where to start.

 

@Goodtimes

Your money is on the right bet. At least from my personal experience, I have found that there is a deeper cause to the porn addiction than just the porn. I had the same question, and two resources have been of tremendous help: "The mindfulness workbook for addiction" by Rebecca Williams and the books of Brene Brown. These have led me to question my upbringing and, as a result I am beginning to see piece of puzzle that previously weren't there. I have yet to see the whole picture, and I am ready for this journey of self discovery to take up to one year, but I want to take this path.

Don't worry, you will find the right tools. Your curiosity will drive you towards them.

 

Thank you very much! ive just ordered The mindfulness workbook for addiction on amazon! looking forward to getting stuck into that.

 

Well said and very true. I have wanted for years to do/learn certain things but PMO filled my time. It wasn't the reason I didn't commit to the activities but it was where I spent my time. I am new to PMO and envisioning a life where my time is spent very differently and the absence of PMO will enable me to better understand myself. In the meantime stopping PMO is my goal... Beast mode... And I am filling the time with this site, journaling and writing. So far so good but still so far to go.

 

The only way to defeat a desire is to replace it with a stronger desire: beauty (music, art, etc.), love, and life.

 

I got this book on Friday! so so much in the book touches base with me and my life! I really feel i am using P to avoid something deeper. Thanks for the tip.