Has anyone ever had this problem before stopping ?

Hi guys, first things first, I registered on the website in November and have been able to keep a streak for about 7 days. But it never lasts longer. I need to stop fapping. The fact is that I am not addicted to porn, I can do it with pictures or reminiscences of my wife and I in our bed. But the fact is that right now, I am working far from her and we see each other only during my holidays because we need to book trips, worry about visa issues and so on.

Then, I have been married from last August and before that, I was a virgin, I am quite religious and I wanted to respect my future wife so I have to say that before August, yes, I was a regular fapper, if this word exists (I am French by the way). So it was so great to finally be able to make love with the girl I wanted to marry for more than a year after August. Yes, we stayed together 3 weeks, then 4 weeks in December-January....

However, and this is very very very very hard for me to open up about something like this. I can not come inside of her...I don't feel like a man for that. I hate myself so much. I know that she wants us to be parents, I want it too, so so much... But the fact is that no matter how long we make love, how hard I am, I can make her come yes, but on my hand, I am unable to be as excited as I am when I F.

That's why I am going back to nofap as of today, we spoke again about it per video conference and I promised her to stop fapping, I promised God as well and myself. It has been 2 days now, and I need to continue. Why ?? Because I think that my fapping is what makes my penis less sensitive during intercourses. I take pleasure yes, I love her, and her body makes me crazy, but in my head or penis, I can not get to the point where I can finally come...

I know I am really pitiful, I am 26 now and I can sperm only with my hands, in comparison with the others here, my problem seems like nothing, but the truth is that we argue a lot because of it. She does not feel like a woman because her man can not come inside... And I blame myself for that...

I want to stop F until the mid-April, mostly because I believe that it can give more pleasure during our next intercourses and that I will be able to finish myself with her...

Wow... That was a lot to write and to read, so guys, sorry, I just seek help and want to be my own man. Nofap gave the chance to stop 7 days in December before she arrived and we reunited, now, I NEED to stop taking pleasure myself and only please myself with my beloved. Because, I really love her without a doubt...

Thanks for the reading guys and stay strong !

I also posted this thread in another forum, but maybe it was the wrong one.

 

Thank you for your reply. What is death grip ?

I don't really lose my erection when I keep the positions that I like, so it can last dozens of minutes sometimes, I can still be hard, not as hard as my max, but still enough to give both of us pleasure. Yes I fapped to finish during the last weeks we were together. I guess that she was sad to be the only one finishing and not me so she allowed me to do with her.

But like that also, it is hard for me to come in front of my wife, I need to think of something else, of another situation, like I'm ashamed of letting go. You mentioned the word, yes letting go is something really hard for me especially when we make love, even in my favourite positions. I am trying to think I'm someone else or we are doing something in a place we shouldn't to make it more exciting and I feel that I become harder or my wife notices it and I'm satisfied but finishing just like that during the intercourse... it's something I am on edge to do for sure.

 

In September, I was so nervous, I could not keep my erection for long... Last time we were together, it was a lot better I think and for example, she came more often and at once, I almost felt like I could as well, but I'm too nervous, and I hate it, and it disturbs me and it lasts and in the end, she just gets tired and me too, so we stop and I fap to finish, but with the promise I made, now, I do not think it would be okay to still finish this way.

 

an extremely tight grip caused especially by fear - Merrriam Webster dictionary

That's what you mean by 'death grip' ? I don't really know, I tried not to be too tight. But at times, I must have practiced it... If I understood correctly.

 

A mental block, I guess you are right...

 

Do you think honestly that such mental issues are solvable ?

 

She tried with her hand and no, we did not manage. She tried a lot of things, I am afraid that right now only fantasizing works like you said... ((

 

I mean, we haven't been making love together so much, we always get separated after some weeks, I hope that starting next September when we will live together, after some weeks or months, I could do it... But I think really, why doesn't it happen to anyone, usual men can orgasm from the first time they make love.

 

I hope I'm not the only one in that case...

 

Those mental blocks are numerous, and really, they make me hate myself. I mean, I feel nervous doing many easy things that people can do. I don't really have any real phobia, in my work, I speak with many teenagers and people of all age, as I teach online and in person. But with a girl, I don't know, maybe the fact that i stayed a virgin until 26 ? I'm trying to identiy what those could be.

 

3rd day

I'm currently on my 3rd day, and I have to say that it is not as hard as the first days mostly because I haven't called my wife on Skype from yesterday noon so I'm not really excited, even at work, the girls here don't really interest me and unless they are in the classroom with me, I kind of lower my eyes not to look at them.

However, my mood is horrible, I just want to be home and sleep, today is not the right day for me. I'm nervous and angry. Even at my wife. Fun fact : I found a Kappa cap today, just a little dirty but it is still fine, I'm going to wash it a little and sell it on the internet later ! I like doing such things and especially here in Switzerland, people are so rich that they can waste things just because it fell on the ground.

 

Thank you for your insight. I understand that... I stopped and will go on with stopping after reading your motivating message. I will do my best to please myself ...