In a relationship and having sex during the reboot process

Well, as far as the brain chemistry goes, a reboot is faster when fully abstaining. But sex is a natural and healthy thing, so there's that

 

For me, the process has been about removing porn and masturbation from my life, rather than to regain erections or the enjoyment of sex. If you want advice from people in a similar situation, who struggled with PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) then there is plenty to be found in these forums. You made the right decision to stop using porn: there are tons of examples of its negative effects on people's lives to read about here. Many men have had erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, or find it difficult or impossible to orgasm with a partner. Some have even had problems getting hard, staying hard and orgasming with the hyperstimulus of porn. Porn is bad news, and beyond the negative effects on your own ability to enjoy sex, it is considered by the overwhelming majority of women to be a betrayal equivalent to cheating and sleeping with someone outside of the relationship. Relationships mean more to us than just an outlet for sexual impulses, and porn is kryptonite to healthy and loving relationships. It does not belong in them. Kudos for coming to that decision for yourself.

Sex is something that bonds people in mutual pleasure and gives them the opportunity to express their feelings for one another physically, in an intimate and vulnerable way. It can also be used as a way to selfishly pursue your own pleasure and engage in fetishes that you picked up from porn, that could make your partner feel used, degraded or uncomfortable. If you choose to have a sexual relationship, then make sure it is one where mutual pleasure and the expression of your feelings for your partner are always the focus. Do not approach your sex life in the way that you approached masturbation and pornography.

I will say that I think sex is an important part of a romantic relationship, and that denying your partner sexual intimacy will harm your chances of being intimately interconnected. But the thing to bear in mind is that I have not suffered from PIED or DE (delayed ejaculation). I continued to use porn during my relationship despite knowing how my partner felt about it, and I lied and hid that behaviour. I then struggled to remove porn from my life and have relapsed during my attempts to quit. So I have a problem, like you, that has not yet worked itself out fully. But people with problems more similar to your own will be able to offer advice, and give accounts of their own journey. In order to regain the strength of your erections and to become more sensitive to stimulation etc, it may be better to avoid all stimulation and pursuit of orgasm.

You can make the decision to avoid all sexual stimulation of you penis and still be sexually intimate with your partner. One of the best things that you could do is to shift your focus towards giving your partner pleasure. You know what this means, I won't go into detail as I do not wish to trigger anyone, but porn addicts can be exceedingly selfish in the bedroom. Since they have spent so much time searching for materials that provide adequate stimulation for their desensitised and novelty-hungry brains, they likely spend very little time considering what might make sex better for their partner. Being able to become fully erect, and to enjoy intercourse will make sex better for your partner, and you are already working on this. But it would also make sex better if you start to focus on her preferences, on her stimulation, or exploring the limits of her capacity for pleasure. A relationship devoid of any sexual interaction whatsoever will not allow you to meet her needs. Your own recovery process may require this, it might not. Nothing is ever simple and straightforward, and each person's situation is slightly different. Just a few things to think about.

Good luck in your journey, and remember that you have made some excellent decisions already by coming here. Your life will get better for it.