Told my gf about my PMO habbits today

I'm sad to hear that you are in this terrible situation, Murphdaddy. However, I want you to know that you have shown a bravery and maturity that a lot of people, maybe most, are incapable of. Your girlfriend is devastaded, but judging from the circumstances, you did the very best thing:

You told her.

Don't underestimate the power of honesty. Consider that most wives/girlfriends are dealt a far worse blow; they find out themselves. The hurt in finding p in your partners computer/phone and suddenly realize that everything you knew ("I'm not in the mood tonight"/"I've had wine"/"I have a headache"/"I have a toothache") is all a lie, is an unbearable trauma. Your relationship is new, meaning you have not deceived her for years. She is devastated and needs comforting, however, I'm sure there will come a day when she see your bravery in dealing with this. There is nothing more appealing to a woman than a man with a spine, a man that proactively improves his life by clearing out former mistakes and provides his girl with comfort and care during her time of pain. Answer her questions, she will have many, and never shut her out. And above all, never give in to p again. That way, you will be the best lover she ever had. Rest assured that you made the best decision for both of you, and I sincerely wish you the best during this trying time.

 

Yeah you might wanna show her articles from Your Brain on Porn about being in relationships with PMO addicts. They have a lot of good couples advice, especially reaffirming things for partners of addicts. I showed my gf when I started my reboot and it made her feel a lot better about herself, but also understand what was going on with me and how she could help

 

Your girlfriend has to make her own path through grief, self esteem issues and doubt, but thankfully you told her early enough that this journey hopefully will be short for her. I'm sure she is a bright woman that realize this is a common pitfall for many men and I'm even more sure you made the right decision telling her when you did. Just imagine her finding out after 5, 10, 15 years...

I've had two partners dealing with this problem. They were very alike in almost all aspects, however: One told me very early on about his addiction. I handled it well, and even though we didn't end up together, I still have only fond memories of our time together and think of him with respect. The other man never told me. After five years of not knowing what was wrong, I managed to find out by myself. He denied everything. The hurt and betrayal will take years to get over, if I can move past this at all that is. I could only have wished he had been half as wise as you were!

 

I have been with my gf for 3 and half years and after PMOing for years around July of last year it started to become a problem. I started to losing attraction and feelings for my gf (even though she is beautiful and what we have is great). Im a depressed mess at the moment and have been distant and she feels that. Worst of all because of my habit and with it being my 1st serious relationship (their were girls before her but nothing serious) my commitment to the relationship has been wavering. I find myself looking at nearly every single girl I come across wondering what it would be like to be with them sexually even if they're not very attractive. I hate how that makes me feel and it has me wondering should I seek out "novelty" in real life. I don't know if that is a result of this addiction or even part of the withdrawal process (or a combination of both) because while I had to restart my counter today I usually can go 4-5 days before I relapse and having been doing that for months now and its this vicious cycle of feeling like shit. I told her everything and while she was hurt she has been nothing but understand and loving during this process but I know it is affecting her too. She suggested potentially taking a break and it broke me. We are still together at the moment but the option for a break is still on table. Hopefully I can finally go 90 days with this streak and become a better man for her but most of all myself.

 

@raysfan16 I would stay with her and do the reboot anyway. My gf gave me a lot of emotionally support throughout the reboot. Also, whenever, I thought of PMOing, I would think of her and how I would be disappointing her and letting her down if I PMOed. It worked great; I didn't PMO once. Before the reboot I couldn't get hard at all for sex, now I get 100% every time and finish consistently. Make sure you're clear to her about what is wrong with with you (PMO addiction), you don't do it anymore, and you're taking the steps to get rid of hit for her. You can do it

 

Hi Murphdaddy, you made the right decision in telling her. I told my wife and while the initial revelation will always bring lot’s of grief, tears and hurt feelings, it is the only way to end the life of secrets and deception. I hope for you that she will be strong enough to accept you with your weak point, meaning your PA. Having told her the truth is a strong motivation now to end it, to embrace a life without P. Whenever in doubt, just remind yourself that you hurt her a lot through your actions and that you told her for the one reason that you want to change for her as much as for yourself. You’re off in the right direction!

 

I need to remind myself the fact hat every time I do this I hurt her as well as myself. I think if I think the way you suggested it will make more willing to fight off an urge when it strikes

 

@GhostWriter as you are away I will pass on your posts which may help and others that are good to read.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...ngagement-let’s-talk-about-disclosure.194835/

Simple Disclosure vs Full Disclosure
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/simple-disclosure-vs-full-disclosure.201640/

Rules of Engagement: Let’s Talk About Disclosure
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...’s-talk-about-disclosure.194835/#post-1681798

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/trying-to-gain-back-my-sos-trust.164095/

 

Hey man, you did the right thing telling her about your problem. It takes great courage and strength to tell somebody we care about, about our personal destructive habits that we feel ashamed of. You should be proud of yourself.

As others have already pointed out, you could show her the website yourbrainonporn.com so she could get an understanding of what this addiction did to your brain. And hopefully from there you two can move forward.
Best of luck man!

 

Sorry to hear you are in this situation. But seems like she is here for you and Maybe willing to come back or at the very least she will be a great freind. But all this community is here for you, I’m in a similar situation but I’ve been pmo since was young all before and through relationships and never really affected anything(so I thought) but been with my partner 4 years and again hasn’t affect up until recently just thinking rather pmo , and she is amazing and love her lots ... so time to change . Only day 3 of my reboot but I’ve took that step . Keep strong we will all get to a good place together

 

Ok well you gotta pick yourself up. Now you'll be able to focus on healing yourself. Focus on what you have and what you can do. Your gf needs time alone, so let her have it.

 

Good job mate. This might feel like a loss, but this in fact is a huge win because you told her. You did your part by overcoming yourself. We can't control what our gf/wife/friends do or say, so we have to respect that. But know that you did the right thing.

 

Good for you for being honest.