DON'T RELAPSE: My experience of 2018 after relapsing from a 7 month streak

Okay. I haven't had a chance to share my story and I think now is the time.

So I've recently turned 19. My age follows the years. I've been watching porn since I was 11. My cousin who was a year older showed it to me. I was wanking at a time when I could reach an orgasm, but wasn't producing sperm. I never noticed that porn was bad until I was about 15. At 15 I went on to watch booty shakes and the like on youtube and I was naive and didn't think this was as bad. I seen no improvements in my erections. (PIED occurred at age 14). At 16, I said "fuck it" may as well start watching porn again. I noticed I started getting more and more depressed and I discovered NoFap. The whole of 2016 was me dedicated to quitting porn, unable to go more then 7 days at most. Although I got up to 10 a couple of times. Guys it took me a year to go more then 10 days.

Finally, the year 2017. The best year of my life. I had become overweight and hadn't noticed right away, so I had a diet change and did Keto. I had also read an article on YBOP and someone mentioned keto and said its essential for quitting porn. As soon as I started keto, nofap became easier. (note: I don't recommend long term keto as I believe it is a unnatural way for humans to eat, but it is great for weight lose, energy and curing diabetes) I think I relapsed once 2 days after starting keto. After that didn't relapse for 7 months. I went from March 2017 to October 2017. This was my last year of high school.

What I noticed? Super energy, focused on my assignments. Talking to class mates, finding jokes incredibly funny, talking to new people. I was smiling all the day when ever I talked to people. I was euphoric. I felt so full of life. I left school slighty early. (SEPT 2017). I did various temp jokes until mid October. Then had a break, for about 2 weeks I practiced astral projection every single day and was getting closer and closer to achieving it. I had very good energy and focus, so was able to keep my mind awake easily. I was becoming very confident and found it easy to talk to most people. I had extreme energy all day without noticing a single yawn. Had energy when I was bedtime, but was able to get to sleep very easily. I was waking up at 4:30 am straight to doing deadlifts.

One day for some reason, I decide to relapse. So I went straight onto the porn and fapped with a semi hard erection. Then I cummed brown sperm, weird I know.
What followed? immediently, I felt drained. I felt like all the life of been sucked out of me. I knew I'd fucked up and instantly felt shit tonne of regret. The next day I continue to practice my Astral projection, I fell asleep while trying to practice. The end of 2017 and the whole of 2018 has been full of me trying to quit porn for good. Not long after my intital relapse. I went one month and relapsed. During 2018 I went a month thrice and 45 days once. I had heaps of 12 to 20 day streak's. I started waking up about three hours later, still tired even after a full nights sleep. When I wasn't working I couldn't make it to lunch time and would often fall asleep on the couch around 11 am.

I went from having primal energy to it's being impossible to keep myself awake. Every time I relapsed. I would have suicidal thoughts for about seven days. they would be even more extreme if I binged. I plan to crash my car many times. I found an area out of the country and there was a tree at the end of the road. A big tree. I got the car up to 180 and was so keen to crash it, but panicked and didn't do it. I also had intentions of getting nitrogen and suffocating myself. I went from a euphoric person to a depressed person in a matter of days.

During 2018 I also had a lot of missed opportunities. There were situations that could have severely improved my life if I had not relapsed. I probably could've made about four different friends. But because of the extreme brain fog, lack of confidence and the stuttering cause by porn. I missed out on making these friends. I also meet a couple of girls. Most of them were my friends mates. I reckon I could've fucked a couple of them if I had not relapsed after that seven months and I'm not fucking joking. One of them was easy and I would've been around a year and two months when I met her. She was fucking hot, but here I am. It's over a year later, I'm still a virgin. I could of even made a girlfriend

I'm 100% all my failures and faults last year were cause by porn.I broke two computer monitors last year, 3 cell phones and a laptop. I also smashed a hole in my wardrobe. All of these were after relapasing. Porn has affected my ability to be rational. I don't think properly before I do things and I'm very angry and aggressive after relapsing.

Please people. Don't relapse. Especially if you are on a streak. I don't care how long it's been – if you relapse. You will fuck yourself. You'll instantly be full of regret and you'll go from having energy to being drained. Porn ruined 2018 for me. Nothing else did it. Life was getting perfect. I was learning new things and I was motivated every day. One relapse sent me to Rockbottom and the whole of last year was a constant struggle.

 

Happpens after releasing from semen retention for so long