I'm 34, and have been using porn since I was 14. I always thought it was normal. My last serious relationship ended 6 years ago, and I've been soley getting off to porn since then, regularly. I just realized I have a problem, and there is finally a new love in my life that I know I'm affecting with my addiction. I failed the PIED test and it's the same situation during intercourse. I can get and stay erect but cannot orgasm...she thinks I'm a sex god and the problem is her. I've tried to tell her that wasn't the case, but I only now realize after attempting to masturbate without using porn...the problem is me and my porn addiction. I'm going to be abstaining from porn and masturbation entirely...first goal is 1 month, and if there's an improvement at that point I'll take it to the recommended 90 days. Here's hoping I don't get dumped when I tell her, I can't let her keep suspecting it's her fault she doesn't satisfy me...i can't even satisfy me anymore.
good news, the girl friend is now part of my support group. Though I'm not sure she knows I'm serious yet. I know I can beat temptation and resist urges, just looking for a place to come out with my problems and substitute reading and educating myself instead of endulge.
dragon. you are correct. Its called Delayed Ejaculation. Well understood. almost always called by porn addiction You've basically wired your brain to orgasm using only one method (porn and your hand). you can rewire it back. Same exact thing happened to me with my wife. It SHOCKED me into instantly quitting porn. What could be more motivating than that. My suggestions are to use breathing techniques and info in this video to manage the urges and eliminate porn. p.s. Once you detox off the porn , and next time with girlfriend, don't focus so hard on whether are not you orgasm. Focus on her. take deep slow breaths. Focus on how pretty she is, how much you love her, how soft her hair is etc etc etc... focusing on whether or not you orgasm will make it worse. it will happen when you start to think about more romantic things..
I’m learning so much. Guess I have delayed ejaculation too. And here I thought I was a sex god lasting as long as I want. It can be helpful for her if I last longer but it is frustrating or can be if I don’t cum.
ditch the porn by simple breathing exercise when urges / cravings start. Then each time after that breathing exercise immediately turn your thoughts to romantic things you could do for your girl (you know kinda like the things you did when you met her, started flirting with her, went on first date, etc etc.) then start doing these things. Rem this has NOTHING directly to do with having sex with her. Do this for a week or so (obv no porn, masturbation, sex or anything during this time) I think you'll be surprised with positive results.
Thanks everyone for the great advice and support. I've not had real sex for a long time and it's too amazing to give up now. But I'm sticking to no PM. As long as she knows it's not her I can rest a little easier. Problem with focusing on her is I often bring her to O and she wants me to at the same time...just the pressure of my conscious mind trying to tell my subconious mind it's time kills it. My brains wiring is definitely messed up, least I'm aware of it now and hopefully I can reboot
Welcome and best of luck to you. Remember that if you've spent years or decades training the brain with PMO, it's not going to be re-trained overnight.
