I'm confused

You are in for 3 years now, didn't you see any change in yourself in these years. If not try to go for longer streaks this time and keep away from girls when you begin to lose your focus for say 1 year or more. Over the period of time you will understand what I am saying. Just remind yourself that you are not going to drop a single drop of that fluid willingly. Even if you fail there is nothing to lose you will learn a lot and that mistake will never be a problem to handle in the future.
I appreciate your efforts since you started nofap before turning 18. Kudos to you

 

You could just masturbate like once or twice a month without porn. Semen retention is beneficial in a lot of ways but not if the cost of it is full relapse to porn, and especially if it leads to binging. Better have an occasional release, if you think it will keep you in check to not relapse fully. Like maybe 1st date of every month or something, or 1st and 15th. Schedule it.

Or even better than that get a girlfriend and have sexual release that way. Way more healthy than masturbating alone.

 

As you said that you've been able to hold some good streaks over the past couple of months, this means that your tendency to give yourself away to porn is minimising and apparently that's what you want.

 

Deal with the negative emotions that make you crave the dopamine hit of porn, and address your views on sex and women that allow you to use porn.

 

What are your intentions? Stopping poron completely? Not masturbating ever? Why? You should note that down. I doubt it is just that... There must other parts of your life that are not so enjoyable, that make you do this. You will need to work on that. That's the important part that will make you happy. Not the PMO by itself.

There is a good french website that helps : http://laveritesurleporno.unblog.fr/a-propos/

I stopped P in 2015 by myself, it was easy for me, so maybe I was not addicted albiet I've done it 2hr per week for like 13 years. The way I stopped is like he suggested. You stop P only, M initially for a few weeks. Then you work on how you M, to make enjoyable and fulfilling. This pushes away P cravings, as you learn how to fulfill sexual gratification with M instead. Also supposed to get rid of chaser effect (IE, you fap after 1 mo or more if PMO, and you just woke yp your sexuality. BANG! you crave more suddenly, you need more M, even P. Binge effect. Its like trying eating a little after a very ling fast.). Chaser effect is a natural binge effect, that everyone have, not just addicted one. Addiction sits on top of our natural processes, and thus, binges will make addicts crave a lot more their addiction after a little slip. But for me, I never experienced chaser effect, except maybe after fapping after 2 weeks abstinence. I wanted to fap every day, and I did. A week later of that, it calmed down and I felt sexually satisfied. Yet, I was still able to make love, and as long as I fapped at least 3x a week, I was still satisfied. For some people like me, M as an excellent way to control your sexuality. Some other people will say that what I've done would have made them do P again. For them, it might make more sense to not M at all, albiet I have hard time believing that it is inpossible for them, to replace P with M. Sometimes, your belief defines what you are. But what you do defines what your beliefs become.

Note that if you were a heavy user of P, then you will have to accept that M, nor O with girls will never be like P. You won't have endless pictures of womans parts to arouse you. You will be replacing all that with pure genitality and sensuality, love and attachment. In time, they will be become fulfilling, taking you away from P, closer to the real thing.

Note that just stopping, won't do much. You can't build your life and your self-esteem around a PMO counter. As soon you will relapse (Especially if you consider, O or M a relapse), you will lose what was backing your self-esteem and pride. And even if you manage to be PMO free rest of life, will that bring you anything? Fighting against your sexuality is a fight that you are guaranteed to lose. Even people that abstains for good, priests for example, have to live their sexuality somehow (Sublimation).

You need good reasons, that YOU believe in (IE. If you stop because others says it not morale, etc, it will be harder). Personally, all that YBOP research.... is not what motivates me to stop P. It is way simpler than that. I want to be the one in control of my sexuality, fantasm, not the porn insustry. I don't want to be influenced by the dumb way "Bad patriarchy" views man sexuality (Ie. you come hard because she is cute, bang in her, big O). This is just mingbogingly dumb. I don't want to M like that, let alone O with a girl with that. Yet this what P is. Tons of women parts, photoshopped. Sensuality replaced by mechanics and groans....

If you stop P, you should realise that the way you see girls will change, you might find yourself wanting to talk with them, learn about them, not just have sex. This is an example goal. One that makes sense that most people have here. Even if you relapse, what you learn won't go away in a puff, unlike that counter. This is a skill that will allow to date, talk to girls with confidence. What you wilk say will have deeper meaning and recognise girls that are compatible to you. Also, if you are satisfied of yourself in general, you should work on that before dates. You can't sell yourself without being satisfied with yourself. This means: have friends, suppirt, hobbiss, passions and interests, study, career plans, dreams!

Improving your own sexuality is another good reason for stoping P. You won't see unrealistic representations of sex anymore. Here, you can even M to release sexual tensions and learn to appreciate it sensually (there was even a guide on YBOP suggesting that... some english therapist suggesting sensate-focus like M exercices). M-ing that way is natural and will make you ready when you meet a girl. When you M, sometimes it does not work, like during intercourses. It gets you ready to a accept that as normal and not be ashamed of it.

Maybe that you did P so much, that you don't study, don't work, have no passions, etc? Or maybe just because you had other self-esteem issues, you just never bothered anyhow? Because you had no one to support you?

If so, then you also have lots of work to do, urgently. Then, you should consult for depression maybe, and work on a plan to develop hobbies you like, passions, and study for a carreer you will like. Make good friends. Start building your ideal life. Note that down, what your goals are. Always. Note down plans, realistic plans, to make them happen. And more importantly, each day, make it a point to write down new goals, passions, and progress you made so far. Note what worked what did not.

This will leave a considerable cushion of self-confidence, durable self-confidence that wont evaporate like a counter. Why? Well because the goal in life is not to PMO after all. It is to live an enjoyable life. One where you like what you are. And life is about learning about your ideal self, and to work toward that. This will change as you age. And you will be happy once you enjoy making your life better.