Will I just fail?

When did you first discover you liked it? What was your trigger? Were you feminine and did you have the will to be dominated before the P escalation? How much time a day did you use to watch P and how often do you watch P nowadays? Are you bisexual? Does it affect your performence in bed?
I'm sorry for the very invasive questions, but I need to know the answers to them to understand the situation better.

From what I've heard sissy hypno involves convicing you you're a cuck who loves dick and loves to play the woman's part[?]
I'm not so sure since I never got to explore this genre(nor do I want to. I fucking despise its existence)and this is pretty much the case in almost every story I've read here that involved sissy hypno.

People here call it poision because they don't really want it, they became addicted to it and the rush it gives/gave them. It's something that affected their lives for the much worse and it started solely due to excessive consumption of P.

Addicts have to have that taste, that one "last" session and are dragged back in because they want the RUSH it gives them, not because they simply enjoy it and enjoy the experience and find it fulfilling. If it's not the same for you, and it's genuinely fun for you to do but you CAN give this up without suffering such side-effects, then you should just do it for your girlfriend. Otherwise...that's an unhealthy addiction, just like P addiction.

 

Porn during teenage years can easily mess with your head and cause things to escalate. You discovered "naughty" things rather early. Did you have times where you chose porn sessions over other productive stuff?

I don't know what to tell you, though. You're claiming it has zero affect on your life. Although, peaking at 5-7 hours a night is nuts and to me it sounds like there was a serious problem during that time. It makes no sense to me that someone would binge this long every night without it affecting his social life and functionality during the day. Also, spending every free moment on PMO is definitely a problem. I honestly don't see how you can claim to be a functioning human being if you spend whatever free time you have on PMO.
I used to think it wasn't a big deal, until I stopped for a while and realized how much of a dysfunctional, zombie like dumbass I used to be. A slave to my addiction.
If you have an uncontrollable urge that makes you go for a quick one everytime you get an opening, it sounds like addiction to me.

From what you said, you didn't mention feeling trapped in your own body, but rather just doing this for fun because it makes you feel good. But you also developed addiction to P during this time, with the possibility of excessive consumption of porn affecting your mind during your pre-teen and teen years. Maybe this affected you in a way that it made you feel like it's totally fine and just accepted things as they are. I was on a similar boat only that I used to get my dose of "being desireable" and "intimate" from JOIs and Virtual SPOVs(if you're familiar with them). If you've got a girlfriend who truly loves you(lets be honest, if she didn't she would have left you the moment you told her about your sissy hypno fetish)I don't see how your will and satisfaction for being desired isn't fulfilled. I'd fucking toss every single thought about porn out the window if I had a girlfriend who would truly love me.
But I guess that it became purely an urge with time. Hence, you can't help yourself. Once you're pulled into it your brain becomes addicted, the "why" just doesn't matter anymore.

Seeing how you avoided answering the question about your performence it kinda makes me wonder. Although, it's perfectly understandable why you chose not to since it's invasive and indeed none of my business.

Do yourself a favor - stop sneaking sessions behind her back. One day you're going to let yourself go a bit too far and she'll inevitably find out/you'd end up telling her and it will end badly. Unless she doesn't mind you sneaking quick sessions? I tend to think this is not just her being embarrassed by your fetish, but that it might be affecting your relationship in some way that you might not be telling us or taking into consideration.

I know this might be out of order but I kinda did some more thinking as I was going. I hope you don't take some of the things I wrote the wrong way.
Btw - cuck is a weak, servile man. It does fit in the context I wrote it in. Cuckold is the different term.

 

That's a weird case. I do think that P did affect your behavior, at least this is my conclusion from what I've read so far.
I'm used to reading about cases that are pretty much black or white so I don't really know what to say since you seem to be stuck in a grey area.

I think she definitely has an issue, maybe not showing it too much. I don't personally know her, but I'd assume that doing just a fine job and struggling to finish might make her feel a bit insecure about herself, as if she's not as exciting to you as your porn that you're so much addicted to that you lied to her while you were sneaking sessions at the bathroom or lunch(not trying to remind you that, just wrote what she might be feeling).

The best solution for you is to abstain as much as you can and take a different approach with your free time. Go socialize more. Try and find/invest more time in other hobbies. Go out more often even if it's just for a walk or jogging by yourself.
I think that most of your life you knew PMO more than anything else so it seems perfectly normal to you, as if it doesn't really affect you because you never had a lifestyle without it being a significant part of your routine. You might gain a different perspective from experiencing life in a different way, PMOless way. I honestly think that the excessive consumption of porn convinced you to not like yourself as much.

You should have an all-out honest talk with her. Ask her why is this bothering her so much except for the fact that it might make her embarrassed. There has to be something more to that, something that might hurt her personally.

Feel free to PM me whenever, I'd be happy to help. Your story is pretty interesting and I'd like to help as much as I can. If you're going to have this conversation with her(in case you didn't already), feel free to keep me up to date. I'd like to see if there's indeed more to it than she let you on at first.

 

You have to want to quit. You have to remove the OPTION of porn entirely from your world. If you don't take it seriously, yeah you'll fail. Maybe you will have a week streak here, maybe 2 weeks here, but in your mind it's still an option and all it takes is one stressful day and you will go back to P. You simply have to remove it from your life, sever it permanently. Like blocking an ex from your life. It no longer is an option and it's simply gone. If you don't adopt that attitude you will fail.

 

As long as it's fantasy, you can't really tell what would happen. As you said - it's totally different. I think caving into such a lifestyle of living such a fantasy is nothing but self-destruction. There are many people who were in similar situations and tried to live it, they thought that it'd be great, but ended up regertting it for the rest of their lives. It might have scarred them, but at least it woke them up and they got to look at it from a different perspective. That being said, I definitely DO NOT encourage you into trying this shit. Not at all.

I don't know your girlfriend nor have I heard her side of the story, so I don't really want to be so quick to judge. I also don't know your friends, but I know that nowadays many insane, twisted things are enabled even by damn therapists. Things like pumping hormone blockers into a 10 year old because he likes barbies and because he said he wants to be a girl once when he was 4 years old(this shit actually happens nowadays). This topic is very sensitive nowadays, some therapists would tell anyone with any remotely close sign of GD to make a transition, and this ends up badly for many of them who want to revert back and for some it doesn't solve any problems at all, only causes more of them.

I think she might have felt that you weren't really enthusiastic or capable of giving it your all. Like you didn't care much but she didn't want to hurt you with specifics, which would make sense since she loves you and is afraid of hurting you like she might have been hurt herself in the past.
Ask her to go into specifics, ask her what exactly is the problem. Is it your performence that is lacking? That might be a possibility that you haven't noticed. She's the one engaing in intercourse with you, not your friends.
Any girl would feel insecure and hurt if her boyfriend were to be more excited and addicted to MO to sissy hypno than to be with her. It would hurt any woman even if she doesn't let it show.

As I said, I think you need to take a very long break from it. 3 Months at the very least. Do other things, gain a different perspective, read more stories similar to yours from a more objective perspective. Maybe you'd understand some things that apply to you as well but you didn't notice earlier. Try and have a lifestyle without porn involved in it, without depending on porn to get yourself off and please you. I got into porn rather late, around 14+- and it wasn't anything fetishy.

Porn messed with your head. You think it's fine but you're having a hard time seeing what it might be doing to you. If you want to maintain a relationship with a woman who respects herself, you gotta quit it. Obviously, your gf is also afraid that you'll end up acting on these feelings, on your fantasy, and cheat on her with a dude. And that's completely understandable, it's extremely humiliating to be cheated on as it is, but with another dude who dominates your boyfriend? That's...people will remember this.

The best action right now, regardless of if your relationship ends, is to break free of this world you knew. Break free of your addiction, even if it looks ok to you. I was the same, didn't think it was much of a big deal, I wasn't disgusted with myself at first. Right, the genres I escalated to were my wake up call, but now when I look back - I can see how much of a zombie I used to be. How much that damn addiction messed with my head. And I didn't even spend every bit of free time that I had on it, but I still escalated into doing so eventually. I thought NoFap was absolutely fucking bullshit but now it turns out that my mindset was totally bullshit. I was in denial, deep denial.
I can tell that you might be unaware of some things, even small, that porn normalized for you. Things that might be affecting you and your relationship more than you'd think. How? By you calling yourself functional while you used to dedicate hours upon hours, sometimes every free moment to fulfill your addiction and fantasy.

Ask her for specifics, sit down for this one last serious conversation on this topic and ask her to unveil EVERYTHING, every bit of what she's feeling, put it on the table. Otherwise, you're both going to have a hard time. You ought to be true to each other and this is a way to prove it. Just put everything on the table, reveal it. You need to know EXACTLY how she feels about this whole situation and how does it affect her outside of her own insecurities, if at all.

 

From what I am reading please leave your girlfriend. Do whatever you want in your life. Do porn do cross-dressing, do everything as much as you love to. Wait for shit feelings to come. If they don't come, live like that forever. You will not change anything if you don't want to.

We on this forum want to change our habits because we got into such a deep stage that we WANT TO. Please don't force yourself to do what you don't want to do. But please don't make your girlfriend struggle and let her go.

 

Yeah, tell him to do something that could possibly fuck with his life much worse just to see if he ends up regertting it. Smart. That beats trying to find out if it already causes him any issues and trying to live life without it to see if it changes for the better. Right? Well, fuck no. It's obviously a porn habit, just because he doesn't feel bad about it doesn't mean it's not hurting his life in a way that he himself might not even realize yet. He used to spend EVERY FREE MINUTE he had on PMO. Just because he likes it and doesn't see the problem doesn't mean there isn't one, since he never tried to live life without it and let his habits take over. There's no need for him to eat shit like the rest of us. He could and should try to abstain from it as long as the only consequence is suffering from urges to PMO and not anything emotional. He should try and earn a different perspective and perhaps find out if it indeed caused him problems he didn't consider as such before. That's also why I advised him to ask his girlfriend what really bothers her. There's no reason to dive deeper into this shit just to end up getting hurt.

You're telling him to pull some drastic measures, to dive deeper before even testing the water. Do you realize how dangerous your advice is? I'm sure he's not dumb enough to go ahead and take it, because he actually wants to live happily with his girlfriend and for him cross-dressing and sissy hypno are just fun things to do, a fun fantasy mixed with P addiction. Not anything that heavily affects his emotional state if not done(like transition). He admitted that porn most likely escalated many of his thoughts, so following up on them might mess him up and cause him regret.
We all have done it because we wanted to and we loved it. And look where it got us. There's absolutely no reason for him to keep on PMOing if the only thing he suffers from while abstaining are urges to PMO(which indicates that he has an addiciton).
Some addicts can't see the problem in their actions and way of life, sometime the problems are miniscule from their point of view.

 

You will never get rid of something you don't want to. He said he doesn't really want to. He needs to hit the rock bottom in order to start to want to. Then that will be a different talk.

 

OR - he can just abstain and see how life without it go for him before he decides to jump in and throw everything out the window for a fucking fantasy that he end up disliking in real life.
Your advice is illogical. You're telling him that he has to suffer and ruin everything, and at his mid 30s ffs, because only like that he'll want to get rid of his addiction.
All of that instead of him just trying to live without it and see how it goes and see how it might have affected his life in a negative way all along.

 

With most things in life people advise 'do/don't do something for yourself not for anyone else'?
So I guess its down to you...

 

@Lauren75 Did not forget about you. Did you tell talk to your SO already?

 

You are confused because you feel its good, and you of abstaining is for another person, not for you. if you are seriously thinking of NoFap you have to convice yourself that its for you.

 

You are absolutely right. YOU have to be the one to want change. If not, you will fail. Almost 100%. I have lived a life of denial that my PMO and cross dressing were a problem. I've been married 11 years under that pretence. Thinking, it's not really hurting anybody, so it's not a problem, so why change.

What I didn't realize, is that it has been hurting people. It's been hurting my relationship with my very patient and supporting wife. I have kept all this secret, and still plan to. The thing is that I am killing our relationship with my emotional neglect. I am in the relationship, but not totally IN the relationship. We have sex. We both enjoy it. But after I always look forward to the "no regret" PMO afterwards, thinking that I did my marital duty, and then I can get onto the real exciting stuff by CDing or PMO to trans P.

That was a silent KILLER. She senses my withdrawn nature. My lack of passion for sex. I originally thought she was just being needy. I only have to look back on all past relationships to notice the same trend.. A fizzle due to my not being IN IT.

Anyways, I implore you to not think about how you have been "getting by". Think about the future, think about where this might lead you.

For me, my denial about addressing my issues has lead to hours of crying, arguing, silences, storming out of the room, running back in tears. I don't want that for anybody else.

I'm here to start my journey on changing.

I just had to reply to share my experience.