hello, long story short, i need to clarify and bold that SHE IS REALLY RELIGIOUS AND CONSERVATIVE. i doubt she has even ever had any boyfriend or had sex. she had a huge crush on me, I asked her out several times, without success, i guess she wanted me to act harder, but it was too much to ask, as i was starting to loose my self-respect and these stupid feelings grew. i decided to make a closure on that, as I was feeling like being messed in a head and wanted to become emotionally free to other options. so I asked her via text why it didn't work out and what i did wrong with several attempts on trying to ask her out in playful manner. she responded via text, that i didnt do anything wrong, because she liked me as a friend, as a college friend. she didn't know that i didnt see it that way. i asked her, why then she didn't tell me the last time i asked her out. and she just responded, that she guess, that she had to do that, apologising, she thought i would understand that myself. lol. i just walked away, telling her that it is okay, i respect that, told her that i didnt see it that way and i liked her as a person and a girl, and i hope she finds what she is looking for, as i wanted to end this on good note. so, the question is: why would someone who sees you as a good friend, college friend (even college friends saw the whole thing going on between us) would: -become jealous when i speak with others girls in front of her; -look at me when i am not looking (i have this strange way of feeling when someone besides me is watching me); -drop tons of hints (even too obvious ones) and signs to approach her, waiting for me after class to have hope i would talk with her; -show indirect attention ways in social media like posting some posts dedicated to me; -get my attention during classes, even with underlying ways like hints with sentences -show sadness signs when i stopped asking her out after last time what is the deal with her. first time i see a girl with mutual liking deciding to friendzone. is it obvious sign that she has someone else who she likes? or is it some ultra-cyber-mindtrick played?
She is either: 1. A dumb girl who can't get her own emotions in order. 2. A girl using and absuing your feelings towards her for her own joy / pleasure. You don't want to be around either one. And by the way, This: This: And also this: Is in no form a credible indicator of an attraction level closer than a normal friendship. You may have different standards with judging attraction (and I respect that ) but there will reach a point when you will realise that the above criteria are far too common, generalised and / or vague to be interpreted in any manner of escalating attraction. Just forget her and move on. She clearly doesn't give your emotions a second thought so it's high time you reciprocated that behaviour and put an end to this charade.
thanks for quick feedback. i am moving on as fast as from PMO for this brain damage got, indeed. all right, i made my mistakes as well. it took too long for me to ask her out second time even though we showed mutual signs of crush, and it clearly communicated that i want her, but couldn't act on it. the thing is it just didnt make any sense. i am pretty sure they were act of flirting, we had this strange vibe, when we even could speak without words, i am not in denial, of course, but she just made it too obvious that she wanted me to chase her. for example we have this one mutual favorite movie and she several times during presentations mentioned this movie, so i would be 99.9% sure even those 3 quotes were signs. i guess it was all an ego boost for her, as she is not really THAT attractive after all, but she was good communicator and i thought she had a good heart. other than that, i am sure she need Jesus in her life if she is doing this kind of manipulation on others.
So first off keep in mind that conservative/religious women often need very ideal situations and over the top moments to convince them. She could like u but not get that romantic moment she thinks needs to happen or she needs to feel that intense feeling she has been fantasizing about her entire sheltered life. Jealous- I have roughly 3 female best friends or former I should say. 3 of them ive dated at least once , 1 of em I am currently engaging in sexual activity with. And let me tell u the one ive been on just one date with like friend date mostly is the one that verbalizes her jealousy the most and has friendzoned me the quickest. Often women want ur specific attention and they want the type of male intimacy and support u can give them but they may not want to kiss u and have sex with u. When said like that it sounds kinda reasonably but as a guy u hear that and its like WELL WHY NOT JUST PUT THE ICING ON THE CAKE. U WANT MY CAKE BUT NOT THE ICING AND THE CHERRY? WTF MAN. WOMAN. And ya women are like this sometimes. Guys do it too its just more than if the women offering romance and sex, most guys would take the win. Anyway u can be in a position where multiple women clearly like u and even fight each other for ur attention. It doesnt mean they will go out with u. They all have their own reasons why like sure religion, some want u to try harder, some have mental issues. U never know. But yeah generally my advice is in two parts. 1. Do not rush or force it ESPECIALLY WITH WOMEN LIKE THAT because it will backfire and u wil lget blamed and resented. It needs to either be her idea when she is ready. 2. Trust her judgement. Some women are saving you from themselves. Women aren't always these emotional, irrational indecisive creatures. Very often a woman is smart enough to be aware of the reasons she is very hesitant and cannot or will not verbalize them efficiently for it to make sense. TRUST THAT A FRIEND SAYING NO TO U, PART OF HER HAS UR BEST INTEREST AT HEART. My college best friend. She was always flirting with me and holding unto me etc. People called her my wife. Didnt date me. And it turned out to be a giant blessing altho freaking confusing at first. It was a blessing because altho i felt so awful about it at the time. She had the world of issues and drama. Parts of her I never saw or didnt want to believe. She did me a favor. Just be ur best self. Continue to connect with others. Still be her friend. Sometimes the timing just isnt right. Do not let these situations drag u down. Happens to the best of us mate.
wow, thanks for long reply. with interest gone through. actually we had several of THOSE romance moments at school alone, like prolonged eye contact for 3 seconds of silence with intense animalistic glance, moments of smiling towards each other for prolonged time, etc. - those scenes are really into my brain painted right now, and she can recall them as well. after all, she writing me that she saw me as a friend could be biggest bullshit or shittest and shield for her ever, just for protection. because it is easier to say that she saw me as friend and keep me wondering forever, than telling what i did wrong and therefore make her open up about that. her saying that saw me as a friend dont add up with responses i got in real life asking out for date or texting, otherwise she would clearly indicate in what way i ask out. and now when i asked her through text about that, she thought i somehow would have known that she liked me as friend. so my best bet would be i just stroked her ego and she with pleasure enjoyed these moments, that is why she couldnt straight up and when i moved on she acted like taken the bullet. if she saw me as a friend all the time lets say, wouldnt friends write each other no matter who initated first?? SHE NEVER EVER INITIATED TEXTING, but she seemed always excited when she had my texts incoming. anyways, lesson learned. next time i need to step up my speed of game and dont wait too long for too obvious signs. somehow i felt this time she wanted it to be slow, but hey, everyone knows that attraction has a expiration date.
Made some typos in last post but yeah. Don't over think it. All u can do is be honest , take positive actions and if it doesnt work out then u move on. Well sometimes its a situation where u were in an opportunity to act and then it would have happened but ... those kinda small windows u dont want to jump through even if u know it. I had a best friend for some years recently. I even told her as soon as she is ready I would marry her. I had her in my room on my bed after a movie. I asked her so u wanna have sex? She was so shocked by my bluntness lol. But then I changed the topic like i didnt raelly have interest in the answer. Its hard to explain. But later she said if I had made a move slowly I would have gotten sex that day. But hte thing is ... there were many days before and after that where i moved slow, respectively , intently , honestly etc. She loved me. It was obvious. And still she just was never fully convinced. The spirit never moved her lol. And thats okay. I think she is still shocked to this day how much idc about the whole thing and that she is the one with all these unresolved feelings that make it awkward for her but for me its like lol missed ur chance so nothing to worry or think about there. But yeah u cant worry about would have, should have and what if. She might have said yes then and no later on after u spent money dating her. lol . Like my best friend basically takes me on these freaking thin line dates even when i had a gf. One time she footsie me under the table and im like da fuq arent u like innocent church girl. women man. Dont bother over thinking it lol. Most of my best friends are women like I said. Some were friendzoned at first and acted on their feelings later and others act jealous. Im not particularly good looking or anything like that. Women want positive male energy and if u have that they come to u but doesnt mean they want to do more.
I was experiencing the same thing. The best thing to do is be 100% and tell her exactly what you told us leave it all out on the table.
i will never see her again, as our paths splitted 2 weeks ago with schools. I dont know, there is nothing to put on a table (i texted her in last text that that is cool if she wants this way, even though i liked her as a girl and as a person, so gl for her in her life and lets not become strangers if we meet up) as I didnt even know her that well, we just had several shorter and longer conversations. it seemed like some kind of tension + small level of interest in personality. anyway, i talked with my father today and he told me that she liked but i didnt act on it as if she was not so important for me - which is true. NO GIRL EVER HAS TO BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOURSELF. the right one will come naturally without pressure, no games, be direct and clear her schedule or rearrange different solution for date, if she is really into me, without need for me work my ass out through several rejections till she accept it as if she is some kind of last girl in the world. but that is just fu**** bullshit. attracting guy -> mutual attraction -> me making a move -> reject -> attract back, show victim card, please!! try again -> she reattracting -> me doing another move -> misunderstanding -> me giving up on her moods, getting tired -> me looking for closure -> telling that she likes and liked me as a friend without explanation. i even asked her why then she just didn't respond me last time i asked her out, that she is no interested, because i clearly asked her out ON A DATE, not on a occasional friendly walk. i guess i will just try to date donkies or dogs, they seem much more upfront without mindgaming you up.
especially those religious ones, but all i wanted is to get out on informal ambient and had some chat and get to know each other better, thats all. she didnt even attempted to make it work, but still acted and waited for me to act again and again. i hate talking during school, when everybody is around. so my intentions was not to get her raped on first walk, just walk and talk and see where it goes, in that way we could easily from first blow that bubble of each other and move on. but she decided to keep us on hook and that somehow made me wait for her to come up herself and initiate or rearrange (i felt friggin beta-omega because of that waiting, because i believed she wanted it for real). i am still trying make sense. if she saw me as a friend, why she never wrote me how am i doing, as i did? i think if you like someone as friend you would always be glad to chat them up here and then.
If you like a girl, make it sexual before its too late. Once they see you as a friend, its difficult to get out. You must make it sexual and show her - religious or not - that you want to be more than a friend. Touch her, make sexual remarks, tease her, and most of all, make strong eye contact. Let her look away first. Do it with a smile, otherwise you'll just creep her out. Cheeky smiles are the best for eye contact if you dont know the girl yet.
i teased her IRL, and always had strong eye contact. i am not really funny person though, of course, i joke here and then, but mostly i am serious about shit. i didn't escalated touch because we didn't escalate anything further with dating, though we several times touched when sitting close by. she was first girl who i really felt my masculinity outside and i felt confident, but somehow it still didn't work out.
In my exxperience, it has always worked much better when i started with touching the girl right when i meet her. I think its because she notices that touching a beautiful girl is normal for me and not something i worry about. But i am a touchy person, i do that with a lot of people i meet now, i wasnt like this when i was younger. The earlier you initiate touch the better, dont wait until its too late. And a tip, if you arent already doing that. If you date a girl that you met before and you already like each other, NEVER sit in front. Get a table where you can sit next to her and feed her, trade food, touch her, bumb into her, push her away playfully, shit like that. The less you take it seriously, the better it usually is.
She's looking for validation... So best to go asking other girls out. Move on and go enjoy your life! Also girl can sense if you still have feelings for them after they shut you down.
I know it can be frustrating i'm somewhat going through a very very similar situation and it can be painful. One thing I find is being friends multiple girls helps as you don't have all your eggs in one basket and if you lose one you have others.
Brother.. .you know Some girls use this tactic to attract their crush They pretend that they are not interested in you And get angry by a little thing I think they want more attention......and yes when guy stop giving them attention .....then they got hurt.... It's like "I hate you .... like I love you" But then everybody have their self respect...... Even some guys behave like this
