35 and Older Accountability Group

@2pres90 , I find so many points in your post that I used to lie to myself. And it's so true that all these points are malicious lies. How many times did the pictures stay in my head for hours when I went to bed after a long porn session and how many times did the scenes follow me even to work...

It's so unburdening to go to be or to work or everywhere with a clean and fresh mind without any dirty and dripping pictures in your head. I am really motivated to go as I start to feel how good this challenege feels. At the moment 90 day of no-PMO does not feel like a challenege, but as a relief.

By the way: the last days were really good. Without urges, and with calm thoughts. On the other hand I had some strange dreams. This night I dreamed having an orgasm and immidiateley woke up - but nothing, all dry, no wet dream obviousley. The other night I dreamed of wanting to watch porn on my laptop. I opened a site but just in the second when the pictures were loaded, I closed the site. And woke up as well. Scared. But then realizing it was all a dream. Puhhh...

 

hey artifact,
I still would like to join the group!
thx

 

Checking in. I need to focus and not get complacent if I want to make it to 90. Sometimes I feel like I have done "enough" but that is a lie

 

Excellent, excellent points. I can relate to all of them. I found one really interesting, the need to SEARCH. I think it all goes back to the instinctual desire of our ancestors to always be out searching, hunting, for food. This is a huge dopamine blast. When PMOing for me, there was always a search element. Hunting, hunting the sites until I found exactly what I wanted. Then, some years back, I took a job in Myanmar (Burma). The internet was terrible. It was good enough to slowly load regular pages but streaming or downloading was impossible. So when I got to Thailand for a visa run, with normal wifi, I went on a downloading spree and downloaded tons of porn. When I got back to Myanmar, it was nowhere near as satisfying, and even frustrating, because there was no search involved. Even though I hadn't even watched these videos yet. On a similar note, I think this is why most hobby collectors get so obsessed with their collections. It is a mad dopamine blast to search for that new item and add it to their collection. Satisfying that primal desire to hunt.

As for #5. I found this to be 50/50 for me. It actually did work out that way for me half the time. After PMOing I would feel like I got my fix, and then go on and do exactly what I needed to do with that out of the way. But the other half of the time, it would be exactly like you said. It would ruin my entire day, and I would get absolutely nothing done at all. And I would never know which way it would go in the end.

Yes, the 'enough' factor. This is what ended my 39.5 noPMO streak. In the moment, I told myself, 'just push it for 9 more hours, just make it to 40, and we'll go from there'... but in the end, I felt that I had done 'enough'. It took a couple weeks after that to go more than a few days without PMO. Avoid the 'enough' trap!

 

If you got to 29 days once I'm sure you'll beat it. I'm not even close to having gone that long and hope I can soon.

 

Just to check in, having been doing well avoiding PMO at all. Not sure what to do next.

 

Checking in today.

I’ve been thinking a lot about honesty and how much I lack it in my life. I remember hearing the saying “you’re only as sick as your secrets” and remembering a guy in group putting a positive spin by saying “you’re only as healthy as your honesty”. Honesty can be an uncomfortable thing at times but embracing it appears to be the pathway to a healthy life. It’s a lesson not only taught to us during our streaks but one we’re reminded of when we have to own up to our relapses. In this way a fall can still be, while not ideal, an opportunity to lay a foundation of honesty in our lives. It’s also a reminder that if we can be honest about the worst parts of us and survive, then we can survive being honest about the not so worst parts too.

 

I have these dreams around Day 10 and then occasionally here and there: I'm watching porn in my dream and think my streak is over and then wake up relieved, though sometimes it causes a relapse. I always think it's the addict, who can't get at me during the waking hours, sneaks in when I'm sleeping.

 

That's a great analogy!

"I am not going to let the addict get at me". I think I will do better if I treat the addiction as an evil being/person.

 

Thanks mate. I appreciate that. Apart from the daily battles and avoidance of traps, my imagination also needs to be healed. At the start it was hard to imagine going a few days without PMO. Now I'm trying to realise that it really is possible to live PMO free for weeks/months/years. In fact, it's actually more "normal" or human to be free of addiction than to be addicted.

 

Definitely appreciate it!

 

39 year old gay guy married to man here.

 

Just checking in for the day, well, night. Still sober, thank god.

 

Checking in. 3 full weeks.

 

Come here. Share with us, tell us what you are doing. What you want for your life. Write it, it will give it some weight.

Great! keep at it.

Hi guys! Check in, reading you. I feel strange over all, I guess its a new me... Something new happened, I said no to two women, I guess I just didn´t like them... and that its a new feeling, I actually have a taste, and I have to go for it...

@Dolittle yes friend, honesty is key...