I agree; checking in everyday helps keep the momentum going. Its 1.40 am here and I was just feeling a bit uneasy and I immediately opened the website to post and it freed my mind. I will try to sleep now.
CHECKLISTS! There is a life hack out there that making checklists and ticking off the boxes (as you did above ) is incredibly useful and therapeutic, even for the simple things that you normally wouldn't feel that you need to write down. It gives you organization and direction, and also a satisfying feeling of accomplishment when you tick them off or cross them out. Yes. One very useful way to combat fear of the unknown is to shift the thoughts from fear to curiosity. Yesterday I had a stressful job interview. I knew in advance that it would be tough and of course I felt a lot of anxiety. But at the same time, it helped to think 'I wonder what they'll ask? I wonder how I'll do? I'm very curious to see what this interview is like!' It helps. Looks like the stakes are higher for you than most of us, Matt. Your marriage, and her happiness as well as yours, in on the line. Stay on track my man, stay connected to this website and the rest of us, and let your wife know that you are actively tackling this problem! Good luck, and we are all here for you.
Hey everyone, I saw that the number of members in this group is less than 20 so maybe I may join in? Today is my 30th day while on no PMO and Sunday will mark one year sharp of no sx either. So I thought I might just fit in here to get some motivation I'm a female. P.S. It's weird that the days do not match even though I updated the counter, maybe it'll adjust later.
I did that last time (around a couple of years back) that I failed to keep up with posting when I relapsed/didn't have the mental strength. I didn't want to own it up. Am learning to accept some things and make improvements. Keep checking in Dolittle!
Second 24 hours Anyone physically feel like your brain is tingling while floating in your head? I know that’s an odd observation, lol, but it’s one I’ve had lately. It’s a subtle tingling but I like to think it’s that same tingling you get when your leg or arm “falls asleep” after you’ve restored circulation. In the same way pmo makes your brain numb and so when you stop, your brain starts to tingle as it regain its life. Anyway, I swear I’m sober. Oh and Good morning!
not doing that great avoiding PMO in the past week. blocked it on both my laptops and that works well. now need to block it on android with something that works. happy to take any suggestions for android.
I don´t want to see more two days counter resetting. Are you guys going to tell me that you can stay one week without masturbating. Look at your lives, you when thru school and you hated, you did homework and you hated, you don´t steel things that you like and you don´t take a crap in the middle of the street, you do have self control, is in you all ready, just reach for it. Look for answer, move around, read, run, eat, do what you have to, make that week!!!!! Come here, read from day one if you have to. One week minimun guys. If you can only doit two o three days, you are trying hard enough, period.
I am on Day 16 and packing for a trip. I leave in a few hours. When I'm traveling, I usually have no trouble adding to my streak--I rarely feel the need to escape from an escape. To not give in when I return from the trip is the hardest struggle for me. All of my longest streaks have ended almost immediately after walking through the door. This time will be different. I'll be checking in here, journaling, doing some work in preparation for the challenges and not getting complacent.
For those who recently relapsed, this metaphor/visual aid might be helpful. It's helped me this past week. THE SUBMARINE METAPHOR. In Mark’s Sexual Self Mastery #7 youtube video–WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU RELAPSE, he describes each attempted reboot as a voyage on a submarine searching for treasure and each relapse as a return to the surface. You can't keep diving with the same leaky sub; you have to make the necessary repairs and then try again. I love this analogy and have been riffing on it this last week and think it would have helped me get back in the water faster after past relapses. There is a treasure in those depths, which we can’t see from the surface. We have to build a submarine to get us down 10 days, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. But there will be pressure the deeper we go and whether or not we can continue our voyage depends on how strong we design our vessel. If it’s not worthy, it begins to leak, we lose oxygen, and we race back to the surface to a port town full of porn and other garbage. In the past, I’ve only been able to go down to the depth of 31 days but then I popped back up and spent days and even weeks in port, bingeing and eating garbage, and making only halfhearted attempts to go down again. I should have spent the time at Day 0, repairing my sub, redesigning for deeper dives, but it was easier to hang out in town with all the porn. It was more comfortable. I would waste time at all the places I knew so well, my regular hang-outs. I’d get into the sub occasionally, go down two or three days and pop back up to the surface, satisfied with these quick weekend trips underwater, knowing that I wasn’t seeing anything that extraordinary at that depth. I didn’t need a sub to go two or three days–I could have snorkeled that. But then I would get motivated again, people would tell me how incredibly beautiful life was deep beneath the surface–there was an entire world down there and I was up in my tired-ass port that was adding nothing to my life. Why was I still stuck there? And so I would plug up the holes in my sub and try another dive. This time I would get down seven or eight days, maybe even ten, and then pop up to the surface. Again and again, more and more leaks. It was so much easier to just stay in the port (but I hated that port!!!). How many bon voyage parties could I throw myself? I needed to redesign the sub. I needed to build a stronger hull. I needed to improve the communications panel–I had to be able to radio other divers (I wasn’t the only sub in these waters) and I needed to be connected to those deep down who had established bases, who were acting as support, who could offer me navigation and mechanical tips. I know I can’t dive alone–I must stay in radio contact daily and ask for help when I need it, take inspiration from those who have gone deeper, and offer what help I can to others back in port reminding me why I began the dive in the first place. I have gone 15 days and am approaching 16 days down. Already, I’m seeing results–the color of the water is changing, the temperature is changing, and I feel safe inside my new sub. I’ve had subs in the past that have survived 31-day dives but when I popped back up to the top, I let them corrode in the air while I wasted my days, weeks, months, and years with porn. This sub, I believe, is my best designed. I believe I am going to continue beyond 30 days, beyond 45, beyond 60. I know the reasons my sub failed in the past (I’ve made countless log entries) and feel confident my sub is sealed and impervious to leaks. And if, for some reason, there is a leak that surprises me, I hope to plug it up while still continuing the dive. And if, for some reason, I falter and return to the surface, I hope to spend, at most, one day in port before diving again. But right now–sub’s log, January 12, 2019–we’re in Day 16 and I’m enjoying the journey. For those who have just relapsed (I've been there countless times), don't waste any more time in port--figure out what went wrong, make your patches, redesign that sub and get back in the water!
@Heretogrow, chill out. It's not cool for you to be shaming people for their relapses. Just because you racked up some days doesn't give you the right to talk down to people.
Thanks, bro, for that metaphor. How did you design your new sub in detail? What are your improvements? It would be great if you shared. For that we can learn from your thoughts. And for that we can improve even more together. Have a good and long dive.
@fleurette and @Thenofapper , if you would like to join the group, I can add you to the waiting list. We have a couple of people in line before you. I will tag you in a comment (watch your alerts) when we have an opening.
I think it's probably true that PMO has bad effects on the brain that science isn't aware of yet. Congrats on your 2 days.
Coffee. Third 24 down. Today has been good. I have my coffee and I’m making plans to go to church today. It’s proabably been almost 8 months since I’ve done that. I’ve been saying prayers here and there and I’ve noticed it’s been helping. I’m still hesitant when it comes to church. I’ve never been a very trusting person so this faith thing has been a pain in the ass for me.
