I've resolved to start the recovery process this year and I'm hoping someone on a similar journey can help with some techniques to begin. I don't identify as gay but I use Grindr for gay hookups when I'm feeling anxious at work or to procrastinate. I'm at a fairly high level of work which gives me flexible time during the day for an encounter. I can sometimes go a few weeks without succumbing but then a small crisis arises and I literally can not stop myself. I'll just "take a peek" at Grindr, eventually start a conversation, and if I find someone attractive nearby I find myself arranging to meet knowing it's a bad idea. During the encounter it's honestly like a high and the greatest thing and afterwards I feel horrible, tell myself I'll never do it again, delete the app, try to focus on other things, yet the desire comes back stronger than ever. I know I have male encounters because they are easier and faster than encounters with women, as I have no desire to date or be with a man. I've admitted to myself I'm an addict and I'm using sex for all the wrong reasons. Can anyone provide some wisdom and guidance? This is my first time reaching out anywhere and I thought I'd try online first before an actual human meeting.
Stop using Grindr! I read several articles, and the famous rules on dating. On rule says:" Don't meet anyone at Grindr. You'll end up fighting." I don't obey the rule. I really ended up fighting every time I met someone from Grindr. You know Gay Romeo? It's terrible. Grindr is the next step to awfulness and a reason to start private wars. Stay away from people you meet on Internet. They have serious problems, otherwise they would go out and find someone PERSONALLY! Find an AP, communicate daily, "stop this one night stands". Do you feel satisfied after? I didn't.
What's an AP? If that's a support person I'd love to have one, and if anyone went through the same thing and wants to be one let me know.
I started on that path but never got physical. Along with all the straight and lesbian porn I was watching a lot of gay videos, in gay chat rooms, did kik, Skype, and phone with men. I was just looking for the sexual high, no interest in a relationship with a man. Then I went on a dinner date with a guy I met online, I had condoms in my pocket, ready to do it. He was a total turn off. Nothing happened after dinner. We went our separate ways. I met with another guy in person but didn’t do anything other than go out with him to get ice cream. I corresponded with him a bit and even sent him a birthday gift but I just couldn’t do it. Deep down inside I want a relationship with a woman. I went to a therapist to get on the road of recovery from porn addiction. Those gay urges are growing weaker and weaker as I spend more and more time free from PMO. So remember your not the only one. We are here to help. And you can also be a help to others. It’s good to know we’re not the only ones struggling with a certain issue.
This sounds like a classic sign of destructive behavior that makes up your sex addiction. This should be avoided at all costs when possible. Any action that is unwanted but cannot be stopped is part of your addiction. Please get rid of all apps and email accounts you use and put a blocker on your phone, it sounds like you need it for now. My emergency plan is when i catch nyself downloading an app or creatibg an email account I tell myself repeatedly get off the phone! i literally scream at myself in my head "GET OFF THE PHONE YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON FROM THIS AND LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT." and what ends up happening is i quickly put my phone down and i get out of the room my phone is in for 15-20 mins. If at ur desk, keep telling yourself the phrase i use in my head and put ur phone down and go for a walk or go get some water or go to the store WITHOUT your phone. You will soon realize that this is a temporary urge and you really didnt wanna pursue it and once youve calmed down after about 15 mins you will be so proud of yourself that you stopped and you will get clarity and peace of mind. Once you do it the first time, you recognize that you really can stop and each time ur tempted it gets slightly easier to put the phone down and walk away. Once your level headed and calmed down IMMEDIATELY delete everything. This includes all pics, apps and emails you use. Any one of these things you hang onto is your addiction winning. Ive learned earlier in my recovery that recovery is all or nothing. You cant "kinda" be in recovery. Clear out your phone! i used to keep pics even tho i deleted the apps and thats not being honest with yourself. Plus the more you clean out your phone, the next time you go to download the app, you just made it that much harder for yourself to hookup and you gave yourself more time to catch and save yourself. It took me until around day 70 to finally stop redow loading apps and just say screw it, i already know im not gonna follow through with this and i dont even wanna do it anymore cause its just pointless. I hope this helped a little. I had the same problem and i promise you need to make an emergency plan to catch yourself and stop yourself in ur tracks and if you utilize it enough it will go away! i really hope this helped. Stay strong, remember start the life you wanna live today!
I agree with Raymond666. Stop using grindr,g please. Most of those people are trolling and just gonna masturbate to the conversation or they are not even who they are.
