So I'm having a minor melt down, maybe this is part of a minor catharsis? I went out to a friends tonight to make dinner and catch up and while there I started getting anxiety. -Anxiety about being in a reboot, she made an off hand conversation about masturbation, nothing overtly sexual just talking about an ex boyfriend, and in the back of my head i was thinking that I don't masturbate, that I'm abstaining to heal from a PMO addiction, something that's so far out of the norm day to day talk of society. If I told her that, I'd imagine she'd be like WTF. -Anxiety because I have gotten so far off track, that a night out with friends is part of 'recovery' not just hanging out. -Anxiety because it is difficult for me to socialize sometimes and I'm 27 years old, I feel so far behind. -Anxiety because it all made me feel crazy, this whole situation, how far out things have gotten. -Anxiety because I feel like I've been acting and trying so hard to hold it all together for so long, and finally I'm seeing that I can't do it. It's all just hitting me, the more I get away from porn, the more I see how bad things really were, and they were fucking bad. Maybe this is part of coming back to reality. Ugh, I needed to vent and I'd be very grateful for a dialog. Indiana.
I'm sorry you're having these feelings - waking up to reality can be tough. But think on it, you did go out, for dinner, at a friends. That's awesome! The start of something new don't worry that you're behind, or you missed out. You are facing things within yourself that others run away from. And don't be too sensitive to your friends comments - no one can understand unless they share your struggle. I hope you find some good support her - I'm thinking if you
Married Lady, thank you for the words of encouragement. You're right, that I am working through my way to the other side. "Waking up to reality can be tough." That's the thing, that this is reality, to some extent I feel like I was crazy, because I ignoring so much. But, that's addiction. Right. Thank you again. Indiana.
The thing is I really am a bit 'behind' others, I've spent around fifteen years addicted to PMO and that really stilted my life. That said, the way out is through it all, so though I may be behind now, the way to catch back up is from all the discomfort and to learn from it. Indiana.
