I am addicted to porn. And these addiction is covering a deeper scar. To understand it better, let me tell you my story. 2 years ago I fell in love with a girl. The first girl with I truly, madly fell in love with. My head was literally exploding with all the romance I saw in movies and I really thought she was the one. Not in a way that I was already picturing myself getting married with her, but you get the ideea. We got together and I found out that she felt the same for me. I was her crush as she was my crush. And here comes the tricky part. Both of us built an image of the other one in our head. We shaped the other one as we wanted to and we expected reality to be the same. It really didn't bothered me so much that the reality was not how I imagined, for the simple fact that I am an adaptive person and I loved her. But she broke up with me. If I think now, it may be because she wanted more attention, or just she wanted a little time alone. Oh, and we haven't had sex. Even though we had the opportunity, I didn't do nothing. I guess I was not ready, I thought we had enough time. And I suffer so much for this reason now, it really frustrates me. Maybe she thought I didn't loved her so much. But I was little and somehow scared about sex, because it is a tabu subject in my family. My parents talked about it with me, but not in a manner that would make me understand how amazing it is in a couple, with a woman you love. Anyway, after we broke up I was destroyed. Depressed, anxious, I was literally shacking in pain and crying myself to sleep. All the image I have build over the years about love was shattered. After a month or so, I found out that one of my best friends was flirting with her, without telling me, despite the fact he knew how devasted I was. Then I experienced a mixture of jealosy and pain that I promised myself to not care for anyone again. I realised how we can't trust our loved ones and not even our closest friend. With all the pain I was feeling, I had to comfort myself with something. Yeah, you've guessed it, P and M. I was always a social person, who loved people and yearned for connectivity. However, because I couldn't trust someone and because I promised myself to not open up anymore, I had to do something to feel that kind of love, to feel somehow good. If I think now, I could have got addicted to anything then if I had the possibility. Anyway, I have PMO'ed for the last 2 years. I got acne, even PIED now, I can't concentrate, and even my long and healty hair started to fall. Now I have 2 baldind spots, thinning hair and almost 0 confidence. 6 months ago I stumbled upon NoFap and since then I tried to stop. I saw small improvements, I got from doing it 3 times a day to an average of 7 per month. But somehow I keep relapsing. I can't control myself to not look at porn at all. I am literally addicted to it. Minutes before a relapse, I slowly talk myself into "just look at it, without doing anything". I don't know what to do, I tried every method. I began going to the gym, meditating, I keep a journal and I force myself to socialize. This community is truly fantastic, how you share the bad effects of pornography and made them known to the world. How each one of you is making a better world just by saying NO to this poison and saying YES to love, to the daily stress of life, saying YES to feeling human again. In my opinion, connection is the key for beating any addiction, and I want so much to hold it again in my hand. However, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be a slave for the rest of my life, and I can't find the energy within me to break this chain of missery. I keep relapsing. I keep doing the same mistakes. I just want it to stop forever. Thank you. Thank you for reading. Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Brother I can tell you something, It might hurt but is the reality because I had exactly the same situation, I dated this girl and evertything was like a dream to me, we loved each other at least that's what she told me everyday, but I failed to have sex with her, I was really nervous about it and never did it. The girl you are talking about broke up with you 80% because you didn´t have sex with her, they want a man that fucks her anytime of the day and take her to have some ice cream later, It sounds rough but I I'm in the same boat as you. Im glad you found this community, and we'll help you I promise. I want to ask you two things; - What kind of P did you watch? - Did you watch porn in the relantioship with her or before? Thanks for the post brother, you are so strong
I am so sorry for you brother. I know how you felt and I understand now what a girl wants from her man. I just wish to turn time with the knowledge I have now. Back to my P problem, I watched it from a young age, 14 or so, but not that much. I really thought it is normal because everyone was doing it. While I was in relationship with her, I didn't felt the need to watch or M to it that much, but it was kind of normal, after all I was addicted to her.. So I'd say I had sessions maximum once a week. After breakup I began PMOing intensely. The porn I watched was pretty normal, I just wanted to forget about her. But, with time, it changed. Now it turns me on just bondage and stuff like that.. And I know how disgusting it is, how wrong, but I can't control myself. What did you do in your situation @The_Don ? How did you forget about her? And how did you managed to stop PMOing? Thank you!
Never regret what you've done, this is an experience for both of us to know what things are important in life and what things aren´t. When my girl dumped me I was devastated but I realized what the problem was and act immediately on it. You can see my counter just below this message, thats the number of days since we broke up and the number of days I haven't touched my dick. In this month Ive gained some muscle and managed to reduce the amount of nicotine I put into my blood. Forgetting the girl was no easy task, she dumped via text after having a 1 hour PMO session with my favorite femdom bullcrap P. Imagine how fucked up I was that morning, I drank a lot of alcohol that day, broke the window of my kitchen and injured my foot. This doesn't mean is Ok to do it, or that is recommendable for you to do it, this is for you to see that we are humans, and doesn't matter how many mistakes you make, IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER, you are still alive and capable of reversing it, give it time, purpose and discipline. For me is still the start of the journey, 35 days is only a month but I can tell you that in 3 weeks you will start to get rock hard erections spontaneously. I've achieved in the past 120 days but could reboot with any girl and relapsed because I discovered a new genre of P when I was reading the news and my dopamine levels went up like crazy. As for having sex, I'm 20 years old. I've had 3-4 oportunities to have sex, me and the girl in a bedroom. But yet I had the same thoughts, "I'm not ready", "I don't know where to start", arousal was there but not the same as when I use P, not even close. How are you going to tackle this problem?
This. I have a gf right now but I am completely emotionally unattached and don't really care for having sex w her, I'd rather watch porn. Despite everything else in my life going great, I really need to beat this. No real man prefers having sex w his hand to a screen than a real girl who wants it. I've used the internet a maximum of about 3 hours in total in the past 6 days, and it's helped a lot. Much less urges. I usually relapse around day 10-15 so those days I am going to completely cold turkey the web. Good luck guys, we're all in this together.
I suggest you talk to your girl as soon as possible about expectations and the future, I don't know how the relationship is or how it maintains but contemplate the following. If you really don't feel like having sex with her I will consider breaking up before she does it, which will leave you much worse. And just then heal yourself, reboot, take time, doesn't matter if its 50 days or a year but get rid of those dopamine strikes that porn induces. Hope this helps man, good luck.
I got married to the first girl that looked at my when I was 18. Sex was ok (she was my first ever), although I was PMO'ing a lot at the time, but it was before the internet. so watching a VHS tape on a VCR was not very convenient. I even watched P with her. Nobody thinks it hurts at the beginning. She was already into seeking novelties back then. P brings you to a place where you hardly settle for "normal" sex. You become to think that what you are doing is VANILLA-type stuff. Then the Coolidge effect hits and you need more novelty. After two years of being alone, sad and depressed, PMO'ing like a madman, I managed to meet my wife. Sex was good, but P already took its toll on my brain, so I was wanting more, more often, adding "spice" to the mix by buying gadgets that I was working hard on convincing my wife to be open minded and let me use them with her. Nothing wrong with it when its willfully and consensual. But when you shop for gadgets and your brain is racing, thinking about using them and the wife doesn't like it, its even more frustration. As women get older and/or get a child+, their self-esteem sometimes drops a little bit and they start to beleive that you watch porn because you look for younger or don't find her pretty, and its bad. It hurts them too if they feel like you prefer to PMO than being with them in bed, or if you suffer from PIED during the act.....
She knows about it and is willing to wait. TBH, I'm not worried about that part at all. I just gotta focus on myself and beat this. thanks for the support bro
