Hello, i'm new to this community. I won't say i'm addicted to PMO, because i was never addicted to anything in my life. When i do something, it's controlled and has a purpose, i can stop it whenever i want for any purpose and so on. I started M at the age of 15 and so i know what it is to not M and that absolutly doesn't change anything to my relationships with women. The real thing is my brain is the problem. So after i discovered P at the age of 17 i started to use it and after a big failiure at the age of 21 i used more often and since i was living alone i used it as much as i could to become inhuman and remove all emotions feelings i could had. Right now i have 32 and i'm feeding the beast. The reason is if i stay let's say 7 days without O my brain has to face my animal and it's a pathetic hurted beast wich lead to depression not because i'm addicted or whatever but because my animal has been hurt so bad that it remembers it and i cannot survive with that. I know cause i already did it. But right now i need some more energy and motivation in my daily life to make my project happen. So this i'm certain of it you get more energy and probably are a little bit more attractive when you have that energy. But it doesn't mean it's going to be the magical formula to act naturaly with women. So yes why not facing the animal and getting that little extra boost i need to get into my project. I started yesterday and could wake up earlier. I'm also on a diet. So back to basic... Have a great day!
Thanks Nick! Don't know where to post how i feel about today experience, so as i started here i continue here. It's been 5 days now of no PMO. And as always i try to avoid women that i like. So yet i goes to the bank and see that homeless guy sleeping in there and since i was homeless during 3 month and 30 days slept in the street without asking any money to anyone i saw that man who was asking nothing so i spoke to him gave him some motivation and courage with kindness and gave him some money. After that i've been rewarded by the "Force" because i was going to the doctor and that place was medical center where doctors rotates, so this is never same doctor you met. That was a marvelous women who was laughing as hell to everything i was saying and when i saw her i felt very disapointed because i'm desperatly trying to avoid every contact with those women to not feel pathetic as i'm now. As always couldn't do anything at all and even though i would have said something what it would have produced? Nothing i know it. Again as i said my fucking brain is the absolute obstacle to everything... as you understood nothing happened except feeling pathetic as hell, the best trash with women on this f... planet ever made. When i'm PMO as i said i can quickly eliminate that feeling and also that feeling wouldn't be so strong. But as i said, my project is more important and i have to suffer to get more energy that's the price i have to pay to get the job for this humanity done.
It's been since the 2 that i have stopped PMO specialy for my project and i have to say that right now i have entered the worst case scenario and worst state possible. As i'm sick since september with harsh pain, i have had harsh pain all night long while sleeping and i had a nightmare. Well this wasn't big, this was just a stupid nightmare related to the women i was in love. Yeah unfortunatly right now as i said i have to face my animal wich was damaged from that and as i said all of that was to get energy for my project. The thing is i don't have so much energy more since i'm sick at same time. So as i said, when i do something it's mainly for a purpose. It's no big deal to continue that for 3 years more, the main problem here is that i have more disadvantages than advantages. The worst case scenario was to think back at that women and get a depression on it. I have opened myself a bit on meeting website and of course since i'm trash they don't answer at all. So i'm continuing back this 5-7days and then i stop.
Ok i'm sorry, i failed this night. I saw that the women i was in love was married with the men i let her go with. It took 11 years into face. I was in front of emergency service and a women who was just conducted to hospital by police goes out and started to speak to me. She was in danger by his violent man searshing for her and she asked me at first to accompany her to the homeless hotel. I said yes and just after she asked me if she could sleep into my appartment. I said no... of course i was imagining his retarded men creating tons of problems smashing my doors and so on. Well it technicaly should be just nothing against the ennemy i'm facing since years but i guess primal fear of my childhood was more powerfull than that. She told me after that she took drugs and she was asking money for her men through door to door. She also gave birth to a child 1 week ago. I seriously questionnated his attitude since i never understood retarded women that goes to violent man. Tehy are looking for fucktard manipulators with instincts then they choose them and they cry after that he is violent. That women was definatly cute i can tell you, very cute damn it's a freaking hit into humanity stupidity. I know right now i could'nt have even 1 millions from a women like that and she was with a retarded homeless wich she got a child with it getting drugs in the street and did mendicity. I still accompagnied her to the homeless Hotel kindly giving her some strenght. When people like me are alone since so many year that i cannot count anymore with you know just a sun into their heart and trying to survive to hope than one day they will have one wonderfull angel or godess that will send them to the top. That it's not even important anymore. I have lost everything. I did M this night i'm sorry.
I hard failed but i wanted to PMO after that and i received a sign so i didn't and started back NoFap. I'm sorry for failing the women i was in love got married. For the moment i have no choice than to take some strong medicine that doesn't make me think too much.
