I'm a straight male, homosexual/transsexual thoughts arouse me all of the sudden?

Hi, just joined, I've been a lurker for a couple of days and thought I'd sign up because I am in dire need of answers.

I am a 19 year old male. I've loved women all my life. I've had multiple crushes, absolutely love girls, and want to marry one hopefully and have kids, all heterosexual thoughts. I've never had any homosexual encounters, and I'm not trying to be homophobic but before these intrusive thoughts came about, the thought of even seeing two homosexuals engage in sexual behavior made me extremely repulsive.

I've loved women all my life. I also come from a religious family. I'm 19, and I'm still a virgin, though have received oral from girls, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Not ready to have sex, due to religion coinciding and that I really do want to be religious but at the same time love girls sooooooo much.

I started watching porn when I was 16 years old. Once I started, I've not looked back at all. I've jacked off to porn every single day at least once or twice a day since I was 16 years old. However, the last year or so I've jacked off as many as 2-5 times a day, all heterosexual porn. The porn consists of soft, hardcore, domination and brutal, as well as your basic blowjob, and threesome (2 girls, 1 guy).

Lately, I've been stressed due to exams and all thought, so my sex drive has decreased, and it takes me a lot longer to get it on. This particular video I stumbled upon was a double penetration scene (so two guys and 1 girl) and the girl was giving the guy a blowjob, but then it took a really severe turn when the other male engaged in oral sex with the other dominant male. Mind you, this wasn't gay porn I was watching, and the thought of gay porn used to repulse me so bad.

So I'm seeing this scene, and for some reason, my arousal went from moderate to EXTREMELY high, and I was baffled, shocked, and scared. I quickly exited the tab, and was having an anxiety attack. How was it that I was moderately aroused with heterosexual porn, the porn i've watched my whole life, and suddenly some gay scene in all of that made my arousal go from moderate to high, I mean real high. Not severe, but high.

I was determined to find out why I was extremely aroused at that 1 unexpected gay scene. So for the first time EVER, I searched gay porn, and I watched a scene, I was so repulsed and disgusted at the fact that I was watching two men engage in sexual activities, and although the males DIDN'T attract me one bit, the sexual intercourse in itself did. Seeing two males doing cowgirl with the other stroking it's penis made me really aroused, and it took me really quick to get aroused.

Later that day, I went to watch straight porn, but then I started getting intrusive thoughts of homosexual porn, and later for some odd reason transexual porn in the middle of the video. I still do get off to women, however, it's not as instant as the intrusive thought of homosexual and transexual porn, and I've never jacked off to it, though it wired me like a fetish perhaps, and although tempted I never gone as far as to jack off to gay porn and anything of that nature. Though it's fucked me up really bad because I have OCD, and this particular thing has really bothered me, and I know how OCD and the types such as HOCD, the one I'm currently suffering from work, but I can't get rid of these thoughts, and I think it has to do with my porn addiction.

I'm afraid if I reboot, and the 90-120 days is up, I suddenly turn from heterosexual to homosexual, and I don't know what to do. I love women so bad, I just can't get aroused as quick as these intrusive, homosexual thoughts. I'm not attracted to males at all, just the sexual engagement of men (oral and penetration, I repulse to two men kissing). Would love some clarity, feedback, and help. Thank you.

 

Thanks for this. I should also follow up a bit as to my situation.

I've not begun my NoFap challenge yet (at this point I'm delaying it when I shouldn't), and I've found that these homosexual thoughts are decreasing everyday. My HOCD the last couple of days is slowly but surely decreasing.

I'm beginning to realize that this anxiety that I'm having is not just this particular thing, but a combination of a lot things happening to me in my life presently, and those other things are currently taking the thoughts away from this and/or could have been a contributing factor in fueling OCD (I can't tell unfortunately). I'm planning on visiting a doctor because yes I have been depressed the last couple of weeks, under quite a lot of stress which is hard for me to say this because I never thought I'd see the day where I would ever become depressed, but that's just my ignorant 19 year old self. Thank you for your input. It does really make me feel a lot like I'm not on my own when there's other people out there going through similar stuff as me.

Porn is not good