thoughts of a weirdo

I tried just that, but with feelings involved, it is impossible to take things slow. In hindsight, I am even surprised I could let this simmer (ba dum tiss) for months, but since I moved to her country, texting and phone calls increased to an amount that is basically equivalent to a relationship. It couldn't go on like this, so today I finally found the courage to speak out to her and tell her that I have feelings for her, but she is simply too young. She told me that she feels the same about me, but she also has the same concerns about her age. I had made notes, so I wouldn't forget what I wanted to say (it was on the phone, she lives in another city and I knew it would be emotional), but she said most of the things I had written down before I could. This girl is remarkable. Not just because of our conversation that we just had. She has acquired some maturity and wisdom, even most girls my age don't have that.
We agreed to stay friends and see what the future holds, but I can hardly believe there is a future. How can you just be friends after such a conversation? And how likely is it that you can disappear from somebody's life just to show up again after 2 years or so and continue? I am in the right place at the wrong time and I feel terrible. Hopefully I didn't hurt her too badly.

 

you're giving me too much credit. i should be mature already.
but you're right, it's hard emotionally. i haven't cried since i was 13 years old, this made me cry again.

 

so, i met her again two weeks ago, after several months not seeing her. she clearly wanted to talk and so on, i turned her away a bit. yesterday she reached out to me again.

meanwhile i tried to chat up some 24-year-old lady (hey, i'm progressing with the age). 100% my type when it comes to looks and being cute. i told her i would like to get to know her better, she said "not now", whatever that means. probably she thought "no" would be too rude, so she "softened" it a bit. or it has something to do with her two best friends, one i already mentioned in another thread (and her mother loves me. mothers love me, i guess.) and the other one actually asked me out a month ago. i declined, though.

all in all, this level of frustration would have triggered me not long ago. now i'm on day 51, strong urge for sex, but not for porn. i think the reason is that ca. 7 weeks ago i finally talked to someone in real life about my porn issue.

and the kid... i need to stay away from her or all the emotions will come back.

 

i believe there is a slight difference between 12 and 17. my job is slightly different from his, too

 

thanks, mate. we'll see what evil plan my heart works out once she's 18...
but for now, the brain is winning

 

i am in east asia. where are you?

 

swasiland!

 

oh, you like to move it move it, right?